(Closed) I feel helpless

posted 8 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I know how you feel. Right before Christmas FI’s grandfather (the only father figure in his life) passed away after a 3 year battle with cancer. It got really ugly at the end for the whole family. His grandfather was in a lot of pain and his grandmother didn’t handle it very well. Fiance and I are separated by an ocean right now so I felt so far away and helpless. And it didn’t help that the week he died was the week of my finals. Honestly the best thing you can do is talk to him and let him talk about what is going on. I try not to ask how Fiance is feeling about things too terribly often because he usually lets me know when he is feeling down. Honestly being able to talk to someone who is not as emotional is probably a great help. I think one of the hardest things for Fiance was that he was putting a lot of emotional energy into supporting his grandmother and mom that he was emotionally exhausted when I talked to him and I think having a distraction from everything made it a little easier. It is so frustrating to be far away when all you want to do is give him a hug and take a little of the weight off of his shoulders.

Post # 4
1109 posts
Bumble bee

I’m not quite sure what to advise you, other than to make sure you wear the carpet evenly. 

When I got the call about BF’s dad, they’d wanted to know if I could tell him in person, rather than them telling him over the phone.  I was three hours away, don’t have a car, and I don’t really have any friends at my parents I could ask to drive me three hours.

So I spent a good half hour pacing the house, opening the door, closing it, all that good “oh crap what do I do” type stuff.  Eventually things got worked out, and I met Boyfriend or Best Friend at an airport, but in the meanwhile, there’s just so much worry.  You’re upset, because you’re worried he’s sad/upset, and if you could teleport, you’d be there BAMF like that…  I’m sure he knows he can talk to you if he needs, and that’s probably the most important for now.

Post # 6
1109 posts
Bumble bee

I really think the best you can do for now is be there if he needs, give him space if he needs.  Maybe bake some cookies and mail them to him, just as a “thinking of you”.

Post # 7
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

oh Ren 🙁 I missed this earlier! I’m sorry!!!

Post # 8
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

i know how you feel. early in our relationship, my guy’s dad passed from cancer and i felt horrible that i couldn’t be there for him during the funeral and repast. even though i felt so useless and helpless at a time i knew he’d need me, he said i helped him a lot just by being available to talk and txt during the day. just let him know that you’ll be there for him to talk whenever he needs/wants too. sometimes that’s comfort in and of itself

Post # 10
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I know how you feel.  Just try to be there for him as much as you can, even though you are far away from eachother.  He also has other people with him too so I’m sure that he will be okay.

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