I feel hopeless

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
691 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.. You don’t deserve any of this. I truly feel for you.. 

Post # 3
Member
1536 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry you’re going through this and he’s being so vile towards you, but I think you need to believe him when he says he means what he said about not wanting to be with you. He’s being this way so that you will break up with him, he even said it. I don’t think he can be much clearer without actually breaking up with you, which of course he hasn’t done because he’s clearly spineless. Do yourself a favour and believe what he says and end things. No one needs to put up with this kind of crap and if he really loved you and wanted to marry you he wouldn’t be saying this stuff and blowing up over nothing. I think if this is a sudden behaviour change he has probably met somebody else. 

Post # 4
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Listen to his words…he doesn’t want to be with you. Look for an apartment on your own for yourself to move into. You deserve better than this. 

Post # 5
Member
9105 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
violitta :  “he has said himself that these are all intentionally said to hurt me so I would leave him.” — Sweetheart, what else are you waiting for? He has literally told you to your face that he wants you to leave him. He doesn’t have the balls to do it himself so he’s just going to be vicious and hurtful to you until you have the balls to do it. He’s not going to go back to the guy you thought he was. This is who you are stuck with until one of you leaves. You need to leave or get used to being screamed at and humilliated in public. Me, I’d leave. Nobody deserves to be screamed at and humiliated, in public OR private. Don’t accept this. 

Post # 6
Member
2411 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

He shoved you?  Dump him, file a police report if he has ever shoved, hit, etc you before, get a restraining order

Post # 7
Member
6981 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
violitta :  So just give him what he wants and dump him.

He’s not just being mean to you Bee, he’s being abusive. You don’t deserve this. Leave him now. It will just get worse. 

Post # 8
Member
3235 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You need to leave him. He doesn’t want you & his behavior towards you will only get worse. He showed you his true colors… you deserve more.

Post # 9
Member
1204 posts
Bumble bee

agree with PPs, believe it when he says he doesn’t want to be with you. 

I think the prospect of getting married and the finality that comes with it has made him realise he doesn’t actually want to be with you for the rest of his life and he’s too much of a coward to break it off, so he’s pushing you to do it.

Post # 11
Member
11385 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

he is being horrible and shouldn’t be talking to you this way, or shoving you. That is not optional or is for debate.  and you shouldn’t be trying to physically drag him into a showing he resisted for 40 minutes. 

You seem to be trying awfully hard to shove the genie back in the bottle, but your boyfriend has already shown you that he is a grade a jerk with abusive tendencies. Don’t ignore that. 

And for you, Why is it that you don’t listen when he tells you he wants to break up? If you think he’s just being mean, well that makes him a jerk who is not ready for a relationship. If he means it, what then. Why are you refusing to hear it? 

Why are you moving with him? It’s not fair to say you must stay with him or you will be depressed. That’s an undue burden on anyone. You might benefit from seeing a therapist. 

You need to find your own apartment and leave this guy to his misery. Give him the space he is demanding by being a jerk. It’s the only option left to you, since you can’t change him. I don’t think you’re helping things by refusing to hear the words he’s saying and by trying so hard to please him. At a point, it becomes controlling because you are not letting him break up with you. 

this is going nowhere good, bee. He is certainly not bringing out the best in you and I am sure you can find someone who is nicer to you- literally anywhere. 

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
9105 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
violitta :  Ok, well I’m not sure how we can help then. He’s abusing you, you know it, and you’re ok with it. The abuse will escalate as he tries harder and harder to make you leave him. Loving him is not why you accept his mistreatment. You can love someone and still love and respect yourself enough to not let them mistreat you. Please see a therapist to find out what is actually causing you to accept this. He’s already shoved you, it’s going to get worse. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?

Post # 13
Member
47445 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

When a man tells you he doesn’t want to be with you, believe him. You are a lot stronger than you think you are.

I still love him which is why I just take his mistreatment..

Someone who loves you doesn’t mistreat you. He will continue to mistreat you until you are badly hurt or dead. Seek help from a local women’s shelter to gather the strength to leave.

Post # 14
Member
5044 posts
Bee Keeper

So you are staying to spite him then?

Because if you will be miserable, you wanna make damn sure he is, too?

You are telling us YOUR heart wants someone who doesn’t want you?  That is what you are saying when you feed yourself and everyone else bullshit lines like “the heart wants what it wants” like you have zero say in this matter at all.  Yes, it is hard to give up on something that was once a loving relationship, but you are saying you WANT a person who clearly and in no uncertain terms has told you he doesn’t want you.  That your heart wants to be unloved so long as you get to claim to be in a relationship with someone.

Want better for yourself.

Post # 15
Member
6981 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
violitta :  Love isn’t enough. 

If you’re not willing to leave I don’t know what to tell you. You are being abused but I can’t force you to see it and know you deserve better. Will it hurt if you leave? Of course! It will suck for a while. But one day you’ll look back on this time and be SO HAPPY you left this asshole in the dust.

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