Post # 1
ok bees.. I’m in such a dark place right now. I’m so very hurt and I don’t know what to do… my Fi has been plain mean to me in the past few weeks. Like to be honest, this is not the man I knew and fell in love with. He has been saying soooooooooo many hurtful things to me and threatened a break up at literally every fight.. big and small. And every time we fight.. he would say mean things to me like he doesn’t care anymore etc and hurt my feelings deeply and he has said himself that these are all intentionally said to hurt me so I would leave him.
This week, another huge fight happened.. so he’s looking for a new apartment and he has an agent that helps him. But this agent is terrible and has been showing us terrible apartments. I will be staying with him in the new apartment so I’ve been going to viewings with him. I’ve told him I don’t mind going to viewings with the agent alone if he’s too busy. He told me his agent doesn’t want to do a viewing unless my Fiance is there so I just gave Fiance some suggestions on some requirements we should convey to the agent. But I didn’t know I could arrange my own viewings without the agent. I thought I had to always go through the agent (it’s complicated.. because his company will be paying for the apartment as part of relocation so we have to go through this guy). Anyway, two days ago, he got angry at me for not helping him look up apartment listings online and booking viewings myself. And I explained to him I didn’t know I could do viewings without the agent because I thought we had to go through him. But he wasnt buying it and said I was being unhelpful because he was busy at work all week and I didn’t help look for any apartments at all. So I’m the not understanding one. Anyway, that fight as usual, led to threats of break up and mean, hurtful hurls at me and always left me crying and him going to sleep because he doesn’t want to “deal with me anymore”
the next day, I started looking for apartments for him as he asked and found a few.. i found really good ones that checked all his requirements.. I even went to a viewing alone while it was pouring out and I got completely drenched.
Today we went to see the other viewings I booked and I was really looking forward to one that literally exceeded my expectations for the budget. We went there it was beautiful it was perfect. After the viewing.. i told him we should let the agent know we want it by the end of the day because such a good one will not stay on the market for long and he felt pressured and said I was pressuring him.. so I just kept quiet and drove to the next viewing. There, while waiting for the owner to arrive and show us the apt, I was explaining to him how good the other appartement was and he blew up. Like completely lost it. He started to leave and was yelling and screaming at me in public. The security guards of the building heard and saw everything. I obviously was trying to stop him from leaving because the owner was already at the basement parking his car. He refused and just shoved me when I stood in front of him and when I’m pulling his arm back to the apartment. I said I made this appointment for him because he’s looking for a place and I can’t cancel now that the owner came all this way.. and he said he doesn’t care and that I can see it myself for all he cares.. we literally were screaming on the streets for 40 minutes and I had to make the owner wait quite awhile because he refused to go back into the building and he was screaming at me for “going on and on about the other apartment because I didn’t get what I want” I had to apologize over 20x to him for him to finally go back in to the viewing.
And now tonight, i told him that I felt he wasn’t appreciative of my efforts in helping him find an apartment. And I gave him examples and reasons why. And he blew up again. Like 0 to a hundred just like that. He kept saying unless I get what I want I kept “going on and on” and that he doesn’t want to deal with me anymore and how much easier his life would be without me. He said if I didn’t stop, he would “literally pick me up and throw me out along with all my shit”. And the whole usual mean stuff again like “I don’t care about you anymore” and “I just want you gone..” etc and when I try to talk to him about not saying mean stuffs etc, he just said he meant all of them and that I deserve them and that I’m “going on and on again” because I’m not getting what I want. now he’s sleeping (because he doesn’t want to deal with me anymore) like a baby again while I’m left licking my wounds and crying again
im in so much pain now. This is not the guy I fell in love with and I was going to marry. He has become plain mean to me.. intentionally mean to me. I feel so hopeless and I’ve sacrificed so much to be with him.. I feel hopeless. Thanks for reading bees
Post # 2
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.. You don’t deserve any of this. I truly feel for you..
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’re going through this and he’s being so vile towards you, but I think you need to believe him when he says he means what he said about not wanting to be with you. He’s being this way so that you will break up with him, he even said it. I don’t think he can be much clearer without actually breaking up with you, which of course he hasn’t done because he’s clearly spineless. Do yourself a favour and believe what he says and end things. No one needs to put up with this kind of crap and if he really loved you and wanted to marry you he wouldn’t be saying this stuff and blowing up over nothing. I think if this is a sudden behaviour change he has probably met somebody else.
Post # 4
Listen to his words…he doesn’t want to be with you. Look for an apartment on your own for yourself to move into. You deserve better than this.
Post # 5
“he has said himself that these are all intentionally said to hurt me so I would leave him.
” — Sweetheart, what else are you waiting for? He has literally told you to your face that he wants you to leave him. He doesn’t have the balls to do it himself so he’s just going to be vicious and hurtful to you until you have the balls to do it. He’s not going to go back to the guy you thought he was. This is who you are stuck with until one of you leaves. You need to leave or get used to being screamed at and humilliated in public. Me, I’d leave. Nobody deserves to be screamed at and humiliated, in public OR private. Don’t accept this.
Post # 6
He shoved you? Dump him, file a police report if he has ever shoved, hit, etc you before, get a restraining order
Post # 7
So just give him what he wants and dump him.
He’s not just being mean to you Bee, he’s being abusive. You don’t deserve this. Leave him now. It will just get worse.
Post # 8
You need to leave him. He doesn’t want you & his behavior towards you will only get worse. He showed you his true colors… you deserve more.
Post # 9
agree with PPs, believe it when he says he doesn’t want to be with you.
I think the prospect of getting married and the finality that comes with it has made him realise he doesn’t actually want to be with you for the rest of his life and he’s too much of a coward to break it off, so he’s pushing you to do it.
Post # 10
missyjz : cameobride : llevinso : Daisy_Mae : mrsfergie : ariesscientist :
unfortunately, this is one of those situations where the heart wants what it wants even though it may not be the best.. and also an easier said than done situation. Obviously I still love him which is why I just take his mistreatment.. I really do love him a lot and I realize now that I am more in love with him than him in me. And I know what he did was terrible but I just can’t end things with him. I also do feel like if we do end things.. he’s probably just going to continue life as if nothings happened while I’ll be in severe depression and feeling extremely hopeless
Post # 11
he is being horrible and shouldn’t be talking to you this way, or shoving you. That is not optional or is for debate. and you shouldn’t be trying to physically drag him into a showing he resisted for 40 minutes.
You seem to be trying awfully hard to shove the genie back in the bottle, but your boyfriend has already shown you that he is a grade a jerk with abusive tendencies. Don’t ignore that.
And for you, Why is it that you don’t listen when he tells you he wants to break up? If you think he’s just being mean, well that makes him a jerk who is not ready for a relationship. If he means it, what then. Why are you refusing to hear it?
Why are you moving with him? It’s not fair to say you must stay with him or you will be depressed. That’s an undue burden on anyone. You might benefit from seeing a therapist.
You need to find your own apartment and leave this guy to his misery. Give him the space he is demanding by being a jerk. It’s the only option left to you, since you can’t change him. I don’t think you’re helping things by refusing to hear the words he’s saying and by trying so hard to please him. At a point, it becomes controlling because you are not letting him break up with you.
this is going nowhere good, bee. He is certainly not bringing out the best in you and I am sure you can find someone who is nicer to you- literally anywhere.
Post # 12
Ok, well I’m not sure how we can help then. He’s abusing you, you know it, and you’re ok with it. The abuse will escalate as he tries harder and harder to make you leave him. Loving him is not why you accept his mistreatment. You can love someone and still love and respect yourself enough to not let them mistreat you. Please see a therapist to find out what is actually causing you to accept this. He’s already shoved you, it’s going to get worse. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?
Post # 13
When a man tells you he doesn’t want to be with you, believe him. You are a lot stronger than you think you are.
I still love him which is why I just take his mistreatment..
Someone who loves you doesn’t mistreat you. He will continue to mistreat you until you are badly hurt or dead. Seek help from a local women’s shelter to gather the strength to leave.
Post # 14
So you are staying to spite him then?
Because if you will be miserable, you wanna make damn sure he is, too?
You are telling us YOUR heart wants someone who doesn’t want you? That is what you are saying when you feed yourself and everyone else bullshit lines like “the heart wants what it wants” like you have zero say in this matter at all. Yes, it is hard to give up on something that was once a loving relationship, but you are saying you WANT a person who clearly and in no uncertain terms has told you he doesn’t want you. That your heart wants to be unloved so long as you get to claim to be in a relationship with someone.
Want better for yourself.
Post # 15
Love isn’t enough.
If you’re not willing to leave I don’t know what to tell you. You are being abused but I can’t force you to see it and know you deserve better. Will it hurt if you leave? Of course! It will suck for a while. But one day you’ll look back on this time and be SO HAPPY you left this asshole in the dust.