(Closed) I feel horrible because I’m considering leaving my FH.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sounds like you are in a bit of a funk and depression! Loosing your mobitlity, and freedom takes a toll on your sanity and self worth.

Im sure things will get better soon!

My only other thing that caught my eye, was that you have kind of been through this before with you past b/f- looking for reasons to break up. Is this a chronic habit issue ?

Post # 4
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think that you should speak with your FH. If you really do love him you won’t string him along. Maybe there is a lack of attention? Not everyday is like a fairy tale… good luck!

Post # 5
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, and I think it’s good that you’re aware of these feelings before going through with the wedding.  I think it’s easy when you care about someone to try and stick by them for better or for worse, and at times that can lead to sacraficing what is good for you with the intention of not hurting their feelings.

It sounds like you’re trying to make justifications for the reason you’re feeling like you do (being stuck at home, being sick, etc) when it’s okay to realize that you may feel this way because your Fiance may not be the one for you.  Two years is not necessarily a long time to really know somebody.  I know there are couples who can really connect after two years, and that’s great for them.  And for many, that may be just the beginning of a relationship.  

I think for whatever reason you feel like your Fiance may not be the one for you, that may be how it is, and that’s okay.  May not FEEL okay, though it seems like it’ll ultimately be more painful for you and him if you stay with him and marry him because you feel bad for him.  That’s really not fair for either of you.

I hope that you’re able at some point to speak with him about your feelings, however far along the line you are (figuring things out all the way to deciding to break it off if that’s what you decide).  I think at this point, what’ll be best is for you to be really honest with yourself, and consider what you feel like will be the best decision for you.  Because ultimately, I think that’ll trickle down and be the best decision for both of you.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Take a break. You don’t have to break up or anything like that, but take a small break from seeing the other and spending time together.  If you can stand all contact being taken away (email, texts, etc) that would be better. It may make you realize that you miss him terribly and it could prove to you that this is where you belong. Or you may realize that you don’t miss him and that other things in your life are more important to you than this relationship. 

I did this is my previous relationship. I went on a girl vacation. It was enough to prove to me that it wasn’t the relationship that I belonged in.  I met Darling Husband shortly after that. It was the wakeup call that I needed.

Post # 10
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

At one point, you wanted to marry this man. A marriage includes ups and downs..and your relationship gets stronger by working through them. I suggest talking to him about how your feeling, and maybe even going to couples counseling. 

Post # 11
Member
8 posts
Newbee

I think you should go with your gut.

If there is a reason you are not happy it is better to address it sooner rather than later.

Post # 12
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I had a period of time that I felt like that with my boyfriend (now FI!)… it was very rough but I made sure to talk to him about how I was feeling through it all.  In the end, it turned out to be a phase and I am SO GLAD I didn’t act on my fears because we have an incredible relationship and I couldn’t be more excited to marry him next summer.  Relationships aren’t going to have that “spark” day in and day out…. at some point the butterflies wear off and you need to be in the relationship for the other wonderful things you get out of it.  It sounds like you both have a lot going on in your lives right now (which was the case for my Fiance and I when I was having my uncertain feelings a few years back).  Give yourselves some time to work on the relationship.  Going out and doing things isn’t always the answer… sometimes you need more quality time instead of busy time.  Make sure to talk it through with him and let him know how you’re feeling.  

Post # 14
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Maybe you should try taking a break. Tell your FH how you are feeling and that you can’t explain WHY exactly but you just are having doubts.  Work something out where you don’t see eachother or talk for a period of time and then revisit the relationship.  If you can go a month or so without seeing/talking to him and don’t miss him, then you kinda have your answer.  If you do miss him, then that will tell you there is still something there in the relationship.

I would definitely be open with your FH about your feelings (or lack thereof).  Coming out of nowhere and just leaving without an explanation or working on it will be more hurtful than anything else.

And definitely do something to address the problem before it’s too late.  Don’t put it off because of one thing or another because ignoring it won’t make it better.  Don’t do anything too rash… try to take a break or work on things (maybe a counselor?) before ending it altogether so if you do wind up ending it it will be with peace of mind knowing you tried.

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