(Closed) i feel kinda like a bad wife

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think it is great your guy is being so supportive while you are having to deal with some of the down sides to pregnancy. Sounds like a great guy! I think that is the biggest perk to marriage though is that you have to take turns taking care of one another. Right now is his turn. Hopefully for both your sakes things get better soon though and the spotting goes away. But I say, instead of feeling guilty, feel grateful you married such an amazing guy! And when you are able, you can definitely do your best to make it up to him… πŸ™‚

Good luck, girlie!!

Post # 4
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You aren’t a bad wife, you are carrying a baby!  But seriously, I have health problems that make me tired and not want to cook sometimes and not a whole lot of sexy time and I feel like a bad wife sometimes too.  But there is more to being a wife than performing your ‘wifely duties’ and a good man will understand that you can’t always cook, clean, and have sex any time he wants.

Post # 5
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Those women on that show are idiots!! I love how they’re always like, “Oh, well, I gained like 30 pounds but I just thought I was getting fat. I mean, I didn’t have a period, but that’s not weird, right?” I swear 75% of them KNEW they were pregnant and didn’t want to tell their families for some reason so they just decided to play ignorant and act like they didn’t know. The other 25% are just too ignorant to function. There is NO WAY to not know you are pregnant. 

I’m sure your husband understands. In the first trimester, you are just so exhausted that it’s hard to do anything. I promise it gets better in the second trimester. 

Post # 6
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

Your husband sounds wonderful.  And I’m sure he’s grateful for you carrying his baby!  I know how you feel, but the exhaustion is real, so be kind to youself.  (Lord knows I am exhausted all the time these days…. sigh….)

Post # 7
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I felt really guilty at first, too, because my husband had to pick up all my slack around the house.  Go easy on yourself; you’ll be back in the game soon!  πŸ™‚  Let your husband take care of you right now.  Remember, growing a baby is hard work!

Post # 8
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Even if you can’t have sex with your husband I’d say just be sure to give him some affection – you two can just hang out together which still gives that sense of closeness.

I’m sure he doesn’t mind about the not cooking. Early on I’d cook dinner even if I didn’t feel like eating it or much of it – but definitely let him handle some of the responsibility. Usually you’ll feel better in your second trimester.

Post # 9
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh, I can totally relate. Don’t feel bad. Besides, if you want to reference traditional “wifely duties”, giving him offspring counts too! JK, but really, don’t feel bad. My husband has gone longer without sex, but I still try to give him a little somethin’, somethin’ so he knows I’m not doing this to torture him. And I felt good enough to make him some lasagna the other night, but other than that I rarely cook, and he’s mostly spent the past two months cooking and cleaning for me. Just appreciate that you have a wonderful man, and as soon as you feel better, take him on a special night out! Or let him buy that semi-expensive boy gadget that he’s been wanting. It’ll get better, I’m sure!

Post # 10
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

Mine tells me that he doesn’t mind picking up the slack, but that he really appreciates it when I let him know that I realize how much extra stuff he’s doing, and how much I appreciate it. So like the others, I don’t think you should at all feel bad about it, and just make sure to verbalize how much you appreciate him and all he’s doing, and give him some non-doctor-forbidden affection when you can, whether that’s alternate forms of sexy time or just hugging on the couch.

Post # 11
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I second what Ohheavenlyday said…those women are totally full of crap. I can buy that you had spotting once or twice (early) during your pregnancy that you mistook for a period. I can buy that you didn’t gain a lot of weight and perhaps did not have the usual symptoms early on. I would believe a woman who said she was 4 or 5 months along before she realized. But not a full term, just sitting on the toilet thinking you have a stomachache and then delivering a baby. I think those women quite willfully stuck their heads in the sand regarding everything and were in some serious, irresponsible, denial.

Regarding your problem- I agree with Camrie that just because sexytime is out, doesn’t mean there aren’t other things you can do for him. My own husband recently complained about the lack of sexytime because I’m always feeling sick in the evenings now and bedtime is a no-go. Now I wake him up when I wake up (at 5am) because that’s when I feel best. Just do what you can. You’ll be back to normal (or something like it) eventually.

Post # 12
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

Also, re: sexy time, you may feel disinclined or medically contraindicated at the moment, but it is entirely possible that you will hit second trimester, feel better, stop spotting, and promptly more than make up for lost time in this regard. Doesn’t happen to everyone, but has happened to many of us πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I feel the same way. Darling Husband pulled a stomach muscle, so there was no sexy time while he was getting better and I am 35 weeks right now and am so tired! We are having our dishwasher installed today, (thanks dad!!) so hopefully I won’t dread being in the kitchen as much anymore. I haven’t been cooking at all the last week and most weeks it’s only been one or two nights a week. Darling Husband is great and has been so understanding. He figures out his own dinners when I don’t cook and hasn’t even mentioned us not having sexy time.

@ohheavenlyday:  I have to disagree a bit about your point on not knowing you are pregnant. I’ve known two women who figured out they were pregnant after a while, but they did not gain weight, and didn’t have symptoms. One was on the pill and the other had been told she couldn’t have kids. So while there are a lot of ignorant people out there, there are some people who really just don’t know. I don’t think you can just make a blanket statement like that.

Post # 15
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@mrstilly: And there are some women who are just plain old in denial. I read a really interesting article about it.

OP, you’re not a bad wife. Really, you’re not. Your husband loves you and understands.

Post # 16
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@mrstilly:

But they did manage to figure it out before they were 9 months and having the baby in the restroom of a fast food restaurant, right? I mean nobody with any intelligence would go FULL TERM and not have even an inkling.

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