- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
This is going to sound horrible, but I”m asking for help, so please don’t judge me.
My husband and I have only been married since August of 2014. We have one beautiful daughter together, and I have a daughter from a previous relationship. I was SO IN LOVE with him after marriage and during my pregnancy. I had her March of last year. But, it was like, after she was born I didn’t want anything to do with him. I figured it was Postpartum hormones. But it’s been a year, and I still am not physically attracted to my husband anymore. Don’t get me wrong, he is attractive… But, it’s like… I want nothing to do with sex and he can’t turn me on. I still have a sex drive, because I still get turned on and want sex, just not with him. ): And I feel HORRIBLE for it. He’s not fat, maybe a LITTLE over weight, but you can’t tell unless he has his shirt off. SO, it’s not because he has gained weight. I don’t know what it is, honestly.
When we first met, I was SO intensley attracted to him. Like we had sex four times a day, and that went on throughout my pregnany, too. Even with another child, lol. But then, I don’t know. After my second, I just can’t bring myself to WANT to have sex with him anymore. I force myself to do it when he wants it, because I know that I don’t want it, and if I never initate it, we wouldn’t ever be having sex. I did suffer from postpartum OCD and anxiety pretty bad, but I’m past that. I’ve had OCD my whole life. It just got worse after my second baby, because it never even bothered me up until that point. But, I really do not think it’s the postpartum, because like I said, I still want sex, just not with him. I still get turned on. I have fantasies about other people while having sex with him, just to achieve an O. And it makes me feel so shitty.
I have thought about going to a therapist for marriage counseling, but I don’t know that I could ever admit this in front of my husband. It would literally crush him. And I don’t want to see the hurt on his face if he ever found all of this out.
Does anyone else have any advice? Has this happened to you? What did you do to become attracted to your husband again?