(Closed) I feel like a circus animal…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

@soupir:   Mind if I ask  how long you have been togwther and how old you are?  Its like that where I live too, waiting more than a year and a half is crazy here.

Post # 4
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@soupir:  OMG, the words you’ve exchanged with your SO are EXACTLY the words I exchanged with my FI!  We bought the ring together, then he took it off me.  He say’s “I’ll propose when it’s the right moment”.  The first day I couldn’t stop thinking about it, then I just got over it.  My mind went on something else, for me that was enjoying the holiday we were on.  I’ve been ‘expecting’ a proposal for a few years, he told me it would happen ‘one day’, and I even got very jittery on one holiday thinking it’d happen and it didn’t. That was 3 years ago! We only got engaged 3 months ago, so I’d been ‘waiting’ all that time…

I can only say that if he’s planning to propose, he already knows he wants to, so don’t fret about that.  He’s obviously waiting for the ‘right’ moment and for you to be in the ‘right’ mood for it to be an enjoyable and memorable occasion. That moment will be one when you’d least expect it. Thus try to relax and think of something else, pressuring him over it will only delay further. 

Post # 5
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I had a similar situation with Fiance (except after we picked the ring I didn’t know when he was going to buy it) when I didn’t know “when” (I didn’t even have a two month timeline). I was okay with it because I knew it was coming.. and I’d put it in my head it was going to be on New Year’s. It ended up being last June out of nowhere.

I’m trying to figure out what made your experience so negative and mine was just fine. From what you’re describing, your Fiance is somehow holding it over your head.. like dangling a carrot so you’re on your best behavior and in a “good mood.” That sounds pretty ridiculous to me, tbh. I’d probably tell him off and let him know he can propose whenever he wants to propose, but if he keeps treating you like that you might not say yes!!

Post # 6
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

@OzGirl:  I can’t ever imagine waiting almost 3 years when you know he already has the ring.  I have been waiting 6 months knowing he has it, but to be honest, if I have to wait more than a year, I will tell him to shove that ring up his ass.  I refuse to be strung along.

Post # 9
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

@soupir:  I totally understand why you feel that way.  I am mid 40s.  I have been married before and so has my SO.  IMO after 35 its time to stop playing the games. I’ve been through enough in my life to start the games all over again.  I feel like the “waiting”  is just another game and at times it feels like the men use it as a power play.  The part about when he feels it is the right moment is definitely a power play to me.  I’m sorry you are dealing with this.  I hope he opens his eyes soon and realizes what he has

Post # 10
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Do you really want him to ask you just to shut you up?  He’s already told you where he stands.  He wants to ask you properly, which isn’t a bad thing.  It’s the ONE part of the wedding that’s for him.  The dress, the flowers, the whole event is about you.  Let the poor man have his one shining moment in this whole process without nagging him to death. 

Post # 15
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@soupir:  Oh, I didn’t mean that you should pine away, patiently waiting for years on end.  It’s more that once you know he’s got the ring, it’s pretty much a done deal.  The proposal itself is the guy’s version of the aisle walk.  Someone gets to ooh and aah at them for once, and despite appearances, there’s a strutting peacock inside most men that wants their chance to flash their feathers. 

It’s also a really stressful thing for most men.  Even when they KNOW you’re going to say yes, this is them at their most vulnerable, putting themselves emotionally out on a limb.  My fiance and I picked the ring out together, we discussed engagement in detail ahead of time, and he swears that all he could think of when he was asking was “Don’t mess up the words, don’t mess up the words, oh shit, what if I drop the ring”.  I’m reasonably sure he has no idea what he actually said.

Post # 16
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I don’t like that he told you that if you’re not in a good mood on the day he picked, he’ll pick another day. So apparently you have to be on your best behavior all the time?? That seems a bit crazy to me. 

Anyway, I don’t really have any advice for you since PPs have already given excellent advice. So all I’ll say is good luck and I hope it happens soon! 

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