Post # 1
I am 23, been with SO for 6 years, not engaged yet but it is in the works.
Anyway: SO’s sister-in-law-to-be (we’ll call her Leah) has everything I have ever wanted and dreamed of, not to mention she boasts about it all the time on facebook. Leah has been with my SO’s bro for 4 years. They are getting married later this year. She is done with school, has a great job, just bought a house, has enough money to have 250+ guest wedding and a honeymoon in Europe, is a kiss-ass to my boyfriends mother, and the world seems to revolve around her. At every family event when Leah and my bf’s bro arrive everyone swarms around her as she starts talking about herself the entire time (she loves to be center of attention.) I, on the other hand, am very shy even after being with SO for 6 years I still don’t have the type of relationship with his family that Leah has because she is very very outgoing.
Leah CLEARLY seems to be the favorite DIL and has an “all-eyes-on-me” philosophy in life. I can’t help but feel the need to compete with this person even though it seems incredibly ridiculous…. It makes me so angry when she puts on Facebook pictures of her on vacation, decorating her new house, planning for the wedding etc. It’s what I have been waiting for and 6 years later I still don’t have it, meanwhile she’s been in the picture for 4 years and has it all and sure isn’t afraid to let everyone know it.
Why am I worrying so much about what other people have and can’t even focus on my own life? Especially someone so materialistic as she is. I feel like a bitter jealous crazy person! Any advice?
Post # 3
First, is she older than you are? If so, she’s just at a different point in life, so I wouldn’t compare myself to her.
Second, she loves being the center of attention and you say you don’t, so let her have the spotlight. Slowly build you relationship with your SO’s family. Relationships move at their own pace (family relationships, romantic relationships, friendships) so allow some time to develop your relationship with them. It’s hard not to be jealous when we see someone has things that we are striving towards but be patient and remind yourself of all the wonderful things you have going for you!
Post # 4
I think its natural to feel a wee bit jealous about someone like that cos it SEEMS like her life is perfect, but believe me, no ones life is perfect and somethings gotta give eventually. there will be something underlying thats not perfect. u just need to remember that you have – although not a perfect life like the rest of us – still a damn good life – with a SO who loves you, your going to get married soon, i had 70 guests at my wedding – who wants 250+ people at your wedding?????? too many!! it makes it less intimate and she wont know half of them. i never understood that. your only 23 – have your WHOLE life to buy a house and have holidays etc. im 25 and just brought my 1st home with my hubby. dont worry, your life is great. just because shes outgoing doesnt mean people like her more. she’d be the one people would get sick of more easily , always being in peoples face about herself….yawn!! 😉 chin up girl!
Post # 5
@CaliHoya: Yes she is 5 years old which makes me feel even more insane since she is obviously at a different stage in her life. Thanks for your advice!
@nearlymarriedlass: True, I have enough in life to be thankful for without the materialistic things. Thanks! 🙂
Post # 6
I would gander that you are insecure. I’d be happy for her tbh. =/ Sorry you feel that way but I think you need to get over it and start doing your own thing. It’s not a competition.
Post # 7
It sounds like she’s a lot older than you. I don’t know any 23 year olds with that much success yet. Just be patient, yours will come!
I found that my relationship with my inlaws improved after getting engaged. They were always kind of standoffish with me until it became official that I would be family.
Post # 8
It sounds like she is very confident and you are very intimidated by her. It also sounds like she may be a lovely girl but you have decided not to like her. I would highly advise trying to change your mindset about this because it will suck to dislike your sister-in-law. Instead of picking at everything she does, try to join her! When she’s talking to a group of people, come up and say hi and get in on it too. She probably knows that you don’t like her and tries to keep her distance, rather than trying to include you in things.
Post # 9
You THINK she has the perfect life, you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. No one is perfect, she will have something wrong with her just like the rest of us :). I know what you mean though, I sometimes get jealous of other people, but then I remember, you shouldn’t have everything you want at once, otherwise what else is there to look forward too? I say take it slow with the big things in life, they will all come to you and you will appreciate them all the more. Also, I know someone who had a gf that the family loved, and when the guy broke up with her the family admitted she was too ‘in your face’. So you never know…
Post # 10
Just remember: there is always something “wrong” with everyone, and in my experience the people who try to appear perfect and fabulous 100% of the time are usually covering for something. Not trying to judge this girl, just trying to give you some perspective, she probably isn’t perfect, she is just good at letting the good outshine the bad.
Girl, find something you are really confident about and put your focus on that. I know it’s really hard, but don’t let jealousy win. People can see/smell a jealous girl from a mile away, and it can turn into someone’s worst trait if they aren’t careful. Confidence on the other hand is an awesome trait to have (not over-confident though)
Are you able to talk to your fiance about this? Maybe he can put a little more effort into being your “wingman” at family events to help boost your self esteem. And I agree with previous poster, ignoring/avoiding her probably draws more attention to your differences that anything else.
Post # 11
Sometimes it’s hard to not feel jealous when someone has the things you want, but I always try to remind myself that it is my problem (not the person I am jealous of). How can you begrudge her for her success? Why be annoyed by her happiness? Be happy for her, and work toward the things you want. You’re young. You will get to where you want to be, if you just stay focused on it.
Also, I wouldn’t worry about her FB. That’s what everyone puts on FB… good things. Who wants to gloat about the crappy stuff that happens. FB is not real life. You can always opt out of seeing her status, so it doesn’t bother you.
Best of luck! Things will work out in the end.
Post # 12
@mrsbruff2b: Don’t get me wrong it’s great that she has so much, but I can’t help but feel jealous. I guess it is insecurity.
@RunnerBride13: Sad thing is she is very nice and I talk to her at every family event and I’m nice to her in return. I don’t know why I feel so bitter and jealous about all the things she has.
@weddingnerd: Thanks for the advice!
@angelalsmith3: Thanks so much!
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
@Stranger516: you say she is materialistic, and yet you are jealous and want to have what she has. Kind of rough thing to say about her then, I think.
From you story it doesn’t seem that she is materialistic so much as successful and enjoying it.
Post # 14
I hate to break it to you but she isn’t the problem here. The problem is yours to own and solve. Jealousy while a real emotion we’ve all felt at one point or another is a complete waste of time. Instead of being jealous of what she has, make a plan of action to get whatever it is you want. Turning jealousy into motivation is better than just letting it fester. At the end of the day, to be truly happy in life you need to accept where you are in life, even if it’s not where you want to be. Life’s too short, today could be your last day on earth, so enjoy it while it’s here. You’ll get to where you want to be eventually. In the meantime, be patient and enjoy this moment.
Also, remember that not everything is always what it seems. No one’s life is perfect. Often, the ones we think have it all and have it together are the ones struggling the most.
Post # 15
There will always be someone above and below you. No matter where you are in life.
OP, I read these posts from an intelligent woman in nursing school with a lot going for her and a lot ahead of her, but is letting herself be tied down by the impatience that she’s not already there yet.
You are 23 and are still in school. There is still so much out there to learn and experience. It’s wonderful that you and your SO have six years of history and memories together. What’s great is that you have additional time to build your relationship together as you are both transitioning into the professional world. There is no rush or crunch to get married immediately and the time spent strengthening your relationship prior to becoming engaged will in now way diminish the importance of your relationship.
You are about to undergo a huge change in your life when you graduate from school. Your SO is out there, but even so it still takes an adjustment period. Your SO’s future SIL is already out in the world and has made that transition, so she’s at that point in her life where this is her next milestone. This doesn’t make her better or worse than you, she’s just somewhere else in her life.
Post # 16
I just wanted to say that I am that girl you speak of. Only in the sense that it seems like we have everything going for us–the perfect life. This is why it may look like this……(I have actually had people say “She always gets what she wants”)
I don’t post drama on FB. If I am only ever posting positive things then people think I must be so happy and have it all. I can’t stand when people post drama so why would I?
Because I post all of the great things we do and all the great things we have and all of the sweet things my husband does for me doesn’t mean I have the perfect life–or that I am always happy.
Hope that helps give you a different perspective 🙂