- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
***I’m sorry for the length of this. It doesn’t really have a point either…
I know I haven’t really been around lately, but I miss the boards. I feel like I’ve been so busy, working my butt off for nothing. I juggle working as a waitress, volunteering at a domestic violence shelter weekly, leading an honor society (multiple meetings per week), working in the church nursery/daycare each sunday, and school all at the same time…for nothing.
My entire life I planned on pursuing my Psychology degree. I’m graduating with my Bachelors next week, and would LOVE to be going to graduate school in the Fall. I applied all the way back in January, and still haven’t heard anything back from my school. I know it is super competitive, so I’m just guessing I didn’t get in. I didn’t really think I had a shot anyways. My friend didn’t get in, and she had a much higher GPA that mine, and had just as many extracurriculers.
So now here I am, with a Bachelors in Psychology. I was a waitress back in High School before i went to College, and now I’m a waitress with a BS (just paying a bunch of bills now, that is the only difference).
I’ve been applying to so many jobs, and no one will even give me an interview. I’m poor. I feel useless. I don’t want to work at my job anymore, I get taken advantage of so much and I can’t take it anymore. And the income isn’t stable. I came home with $12 tonight. I thought after college, things would be easier, and i wouldn’t have to go to bed hungry/or eating junk food because it is all I can afford. I thought life would get better, but it isn’t looking very promising…
And now my birthday is this Saturday, and I was silly to think that maybe it would be special. I stupidly took off the entire weekend, but I won’t be doing anything. Darling Husband has finals he has to study for, so he doesn’t want to go anywhere. I should be studying as well. I don’t know why I thought this birthday would be a big deal…I threw Darling Husband a huge surprise party for his last birthday and just expected a little bit of something I guess. But it really is just a burden on him.
I just don’t feel important. I feel like a failure, and I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life without graduate school. I could always apply in a year, but i can’t afford to take more classes until then, and if I don’t get in this year, why would I get in next year?
I apologize for this pointless pity party…I just don’t have anyone to talk to about it. If you have actually read this, you are amazing. Sorry if I wasted your time! 🙁