Post # 1
I’ve been a SAHM and housewife for a yr and a half cooking 2 meals a day sometimes 3 and cleaning daily. I think I just snapped. DH does laundry and throws the trash and I do everything else. I am frustrated b/c I have little to no help keeping the house looking decent on a day to day basis. I clean and it looks wonderful but it doesn’t last longer than a day. I ask DH to wash dishes and he acts like I’m pulling teeth without novacain and his usual words are “I didn’t make all that mess!” seriously? He has no problem stuffing his face when he’s hungry and I don’t ask him to do it all the time but it would be nice for him to be like “hey you do enough, I got the dishes today” Yea no that won’t happen. I brought it up and he got upset and said he would like to sleep in like I do until 8 or 9 everyday but he goes to work and has to wake up at 7am and blah blah blah. I get it he works to provide for us but he gets a break from work on the weekends. I cook and clean 7 days a frickin week and all I want is for him to do dishes every once in a while not every day, when does a break for me fit in his schedule? I get no “me” time. DD is with me 99% of the time which is fine but she’s 18mo old and in the shrieking stage when she doesn’t get her way. I feel like if I hear her shriek one more time I am going to loose it. I love her to death she is my world but I just need some time to myself and be able to have real adult conversation. I feel horrible I feel this way but I daydream how nice it would be to go on vacation by myself without DD and DH and for DH to have to deal with everything to see how not easy peasy it is. I broke down and cried last night in bed and DH didn’t notice. I told him how helpless I was feeling a little while ago so he took DD to is middle school vb practice. (He’s a teacher/coach) I broke down and started crying hysterically before he left and I seriously have no idea what made me cry that bad. I feel like a horrible mom and a horrible wife b/c I feel this way. I just feel exhausted and want to curl up and do nothing all day.
If you got to the end of this thank you. I’m not really looking for advice but I just needed to get my feelings off my chest.
Post # 3
Sigh – if only husbands would realize that SAHM don’t sit around watching soap operas all day!
Here is a website to a “parent’s stress line” – might be a good idea to give ’em a call!!
Post # 4
You’re doing good! Crying is not a sign of weakness! Shreiking children make everyone insane and I don’t know a single person on this Earth that doesn’t feel overworked, underpaid, generally disinfranchised and pissed…it’s fine!
I know you didn’t want advice, but can your daughter go visit a grandparent, best friend or favey Aunt for a weekend and you can get away somewhere for two days? Even if it’s just to your sister’s house to sleep in if you want to, have someone else make you a meal and possbily have a conversation that doesn’t center around who does what?
Taking a second to recharge doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a smart one, the better you are to yourself, the more you have to give to your daughter, and your husband, I know he’s not your favorite person right now…but we all thrive from kindness, and generosity begets generosity….
Be kind to yourself!
Post # 6
You are not a horrible mom, you are blessed to be able to stay home and care for your family but girl you need a break.
You need to talk to your husband and tell him you need some help at least on the weekends and maybe make a day date with a girlfriend once or twice a month for some sanity.
I work but I was once a SAHM and I would loose it not having any time off or contact with the real world. I really hope your husband comes around.
You should so what my friend does, she wakes up before anyone on Saturday mornings and leaves for a few hours to do whatever she wants. 🙂
Post # 7
@Nona99- Sadly enough no. I don’t live by family we live at least 4hrs away from anyone and everyone else that I do know here works. If I need it DH will take DD and let me sleep in once in a blue moon and he does help with DD but I need him to help around the house.
I feel exhausted and crying always makes me sleepy. My house needs to be cleaned but while they’re both gone I think I am going to curl up and take a nap for an hr or so. DH has a basketball game in Mexico tonight (we live in a border town) and said we would eat dinner there. I think it would help if we were able to have some alone time just us two so that I don’t constantly feel so angry with him.
Post # 8
I totally get your situation about houses not staying clean, and it being like pulling teeth to have your SO not want to help. FI is the main breadwinner, and I’m a full time student.
The fact that you do that with kids is amazing! I get stressed out keeping my (big) condo clean. You’re able to do it with kids! Pat yourself on the back. Kids are the messiest wee creatures ever.
Just remember that you’re doing an awesome job 🙂
Post # 9
@Mrs.Jansen- Going out super early on Saturdays sounds lovely even if I go get breakfast and coffee by myself. We live in a small town of like 4,500 ppl so what I can do is limited since there isn’t much but I will seriously consider doing that.
Post # 10
You are NOT a horrible mom, you sound like a very normal woman. You NEED time to yourself or you will go crazy and your DH needs to understand that. Can you hire a baby sitter so you can have a day to “work on you”. Keep your chin up, it will get better!
Post # 11
@the_future_mrs- Thank you. Makes me feel better 🙂 I’m only successful 1/2 of the time keeping it clean but I’ll take what I can get.
Post # 12
@MrsDPal811: Yeah, anything is better than nothing. My girlfriend will go get some coffee and spend hours just walking around Target looking at stuff, taking her time. Sometimes she wont even buy a thing.
Post # 13
@MrsDPal811: It really sounds like you and your husband resent each other. I hate to jump on the ‘go see a counsellor’ bandwagon, but that might be a good thing.
You’re mad he doesn’t help and gets a break on weekends, he’s mad that you get to sleep in and stay home all day.
You need to have a good chat and start to understand what each of you is sacrificing and what your ultimate goals are. I think a SAHM is one of the hardest, most thankless jobs there is.
I agree you need a break. Just because you don’t earn $$ doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to have a break every now and then.
Would it be possible to go back to work or get a part-time job? I’m just curious since you don’t seem to enjoy being a SAHM… I don’t think it’s as simple as ‘I wish he’d help out once in a while’.
Post # 14
You’re not a bad mom or wife. I work now but when I was on leave there were times when I thought I’d lose it. It’s very isolating and it’s hard never really getting a “break.” Sure the baby naps, but I’d usually spend that time running around doing chores and getting dinner started. Something I did (and still do) to retain my sanity was grocery shopping. Seems mundane, but when I was home all the time it was my sanctuary. Still is, really. I go by myself and take my sweet ass time, leisurely walking up and down the aisles just savoring being by myself. I also get a facial or pedicure every other week which gives me a break from work and mommy duties.
You sound really stressed out and overwhelmed, which is totally natural. Making sure you get a little “you” time once a week at a minimum, will help a lot.
Post # 15
Oh man. You’re not a bad mom or a bad wife. You just sound overwhelmed.
There, there. *hugs*
Post # 16
@throughthebarricades- I do love being a SAHM I love that I am here for all my DD firsts and wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s not up to anyone else to raise my kid(s) but a break from everything would be nice even for a couple hours every once in a while. I do appreciate that DH works to provide he’s an awesome provider. We may not always have what we want but we always have what we need. I don’t envy him that he has a job bc I like staying home, he’s gone from 7:30a-7:30ish pm teaching and then practice after school.
I do wish I had friends to do things with because I do get lonely. He has friends from work that he does things with and is involved in other things outside of work. I am jealous in that sense b/c I miss interacting with other people. I am an extremly social person. I love people. I have 1 friend who I go walking with from time to time but she is a mom of 7 and works full time and her DH is a teacher/coach as well so it’s hard to get together.