I feel like a I really screwed myself here…

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
2824 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

roseishere123 :  after 6 years together he’s mad and you’re “ungrateful” for asking where your relationship is going?! Hello, the fake 1950s surprise “proposal” ship has long sailed. You’ve been living with him as his “defacto” wifey for 4 years.  Now he wants to pretend as though you’re an old-fashioned movie couple. He chastised you, omg pressuring, why are you buying that bs?? Total douche canoe delay/stall move on his part, bet you are still gf post vacay, I hope not but…..

Post # 3
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

roseishere123 :  I’m sorry bee, words can really hurt and it’s not fair to say cruel things to the person you love, even if you’re upset.  Since it’s obviously still bothering you, I think you should talk to him about it; just approach it as “I appreciate that you apologized, but I’m really struggling to shake off what you said” and go from there and be specific with him as to why it hurt you.  Open communication is the first step in getting your relationship back to where you want it.

Post # 4
Member
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

It doesn’t sound like you ruined anything Bee- it sounds like having so many of your friends getting engaged around you has upset you both a bit- it’s made him feel bad, you feel anxious…..so when Yet Another Engagement was remarked on, he went on the defensive and said a few spiteful-in-the-moment things he’s now really regretting, you let a combination of alcohol and waiting anxiety lead to a tearful outburst…..but none of this is dealbreaking unfixable.

Dry your tears and stop beating yourself up for being human. Try and focus on happy planning for your upcoming trip- if he pops the question I’m betting it will still feel incredibly special and you’ll forget all about what was simply an in-the-moment couple’s spat. If he doesn’t propose on the trip, sit down with him when you’re not feeling overly-emotional and have a serious talk about your future (like a timeline to be engaged). 

Good luck Bee. 

 

Post # 5
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Before you agonize over the waiting for marriage part, you should step back and consider whether you want to tie yourself to a man that keeps track of (and seemingly resents a little bit) of what he pays for you. That is not a good recipe for marital balance of power in a situation when one spouse makes more than the other. If you don’t resolve that, even if he DOES propose, you’re going to have problems ahead.

Post # 6
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

You didn’t ruin it, he did. You made a MILDLY passive aggressive comment, which was frankly super justified, and he flipped out on you and said some really mean shit. That said… he has apologized profusely, so you are going to have to either talk to him about it again or let it go. 

Post # 8
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

If that comment was the first and last time he’s made you feel bad about your financial arrangement, and he insists he didn’t mean it/apologizes then you need to let it go IMO. People say hurtful things sometimes. Haven’t you ever done that to a loved one? No ones perfect.

Post # 9
Member
2318 posts
Buzzing bee

You didnt spoil anything! It sounds like he has wanted to marry your for a long time.  STOP BEING INSECURE.  Forgive and forget….people say a ton of things they do not mean when they are not at their best.  This will not be the last time and you will have to learn to forgive and forget.  Try to forget about it and contiune pinning and watching SYTTD and have fun enjoying your last days as a “single lady”!

Post # 10
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

With love and kindness- you keep mentioning that you are insecure. That should be worked on, either alone or with a professional 

Post # 11
Member
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

With love and kindness, I think you learned a valuable lesson about not measuring your relationship against other peoples. Just because they may be engaged and married before you doesn’t mean that their relationship is any better or has any better chance of lasting.

I think he was drinking and said something shitty in the heat of the moment. We’ve all been there! I wouldn’t hang him by his toes for this remark alone. It sounds like from your post you guys have a good relationship and when you started talking about marriage seriously he took you to look at rings. Look, saving for a ring takes time! I think sometimes we forget just because we went and looked at rings doesn’t mean it’s going to happen right away. I think Darling Husband took me to look at rings twice over a two year period and then a final time when he was 100% ready to propose and that’s when I picked my ring and he went out and bought it later that week. So all in all, two years from the initial visit to look at rings.

Dont let this ruin your vacation!

Post # 12
Member
36 posts
Newbee

It does sound like he’s just pretty stressed right now. That doesn’t make what he did right but I’m sure you’ll both move past this and be okay.

A similar thing happened when I started seriously discussing timelines with my fiance. We’d been together 7 years and had discussed engagement every so often. When I asked about a solid timeline he snapped and got upset, said he felt pressured, but calmed down after we hashed it out some more. He wound up proposing shortly thereafter.

And have fun while you’re in the Bahamas! That’s where I’m from. If you want any travel tips feel free to message me about it. Try not to let the fight cloud the good time you both can have. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2007

Have a great time in the Bahamas but please don’t expect a proposal. It may not happen. 

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