(Closed) i feel like a jerk.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
12249 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Are one of you heading off to college in the fall? Maybe he can save up and give it to you then!

Post # 5
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@cassernova: Do you actually want a promise ring or an engagement ring? Is it worth to get the promise ring in the first place, especially if he has some money trouble and you are both in college? I am just throwing out questions. 

I think if you just have an honest conversation with him, telling him that you love him and want to take “the next step” (even if it is a promise ring) he might understand why you might have gotten worked up. Sometimes waiting is the worst enemy! I’ve been there myself.

Post # 6
Member
12249 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wouldn’t worry about the promise ring so much… He can always get you other nice jewelery. Maybe he can save his pennies up and really splurge on an e-ring in a few years! 

Sorry I underestimated your age, by the way! Where I went to college, promise rings weren’t really a “thing”.

Post # 7
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@cassernova:  Just make sure he knows how happy you are with him, and if you are willing to wait for his financial situation to turn around make sure he knows that as well. Maybe you can also tell him that you are willing to accept something less expensive and upgrade to something more expensive later. 

Post # 8
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Why did you get upset?  Because he isn’t ready?  That doesn’t bode well for your future, in my opinion.  How can you expect him to be honest with you if you get upset?

 

Does a promise ring mean the same to each of you?  Have you discussed what “step” that is in your relationship and what you each want?

Post # 12
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

@cassernova:  I can understand your frustration, but right now I would be way more concerned with the fact that he lost $2,000 gambling. That is a lot of money to lose and could be indicative of future financial behavior. Gambling can and does cause huge rifts in relationships.

I have a promise ring that I got when I was 17 and my Fiance was 19, right before college. I love it and I still wear it. It was rather inexpensive (around $49, regular $100).  I understand you want something that shows commitment, but committment is more than a piece of jewelry. It should be shown in his actions. I would suggest having a very honest conversation about your relationship (and the gambling).

Post # 13
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@bmo88: I totally agree with with you! There are many rings that are inexpensive if you are looking for something physical to wear as a reminder. But… you really do have to look at why he was gambling with $2000. That is a whole lot of money to lose, especially in college! 

Post # 15
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

@cassernova:  I do not think you were in the wrong at all to bring it up or address the gambling issue. While you may not be married and may not share finances, you are still in a relationship and if the two of you are looking to take the next step, then discussions about finances is imperative.

He may say that he knows he has a problem and is working on it, but if he just recently lost that amount of money, I would venture to say he has a long way to go in terms of resolving what might be a gambling addiction.

You could try to help him find help. It might be counseling, a support group, reading materials, etc. You bringing up this issue is not a “slap in the face,” it is addressing a real, significant problem. If the two of you are mature and serious about each other, you should be able to start working through it, rather than avoiding it.

Post # 16
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@cassernova: What are the ways he is working on it? I don’t think you should leave it alone at all because this addiction will effect your future lives together and a possible marriage. I think if you really want to help the situation you have to make sure he gets proper help and you have to get involved if he tries to go anywhere where he can gamble. As in any addiction, he can relapse, except he will be paying with his lifes’ savings instead of his life (like with drug abuse). I think it is a very important thing to address since you guys are so young and you have many difficulties ahead (as any couple/relationship). Rght now he might be losing his money, but in the future it could be YOUR money. Money for your house, wedding, child, and other. I just want you to think about all that and know how much of an impact this situation can have. 

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