Post # 1
I feel like I was a terrible person! When I was making up my guest list, my side was fairly small. I have a small family, strewn about the US. I chose to invite those I was closest to, and those I thought would most likely make the trip. I just recieved a message from one of my Mom’s cousins, call her A. A was asking who was invited on our side of the family. I told her, and A proceeded to ask that since her husband can’t make the trip (health reasons) could she have a different cousin (who I didnt have invited, I think she is a 2nd or 3rd cousin, call her B) come as her date. I havent seen B since I was a kid, but we had recently become friends on Facebook.
Now, I feel awful that I didnt invite B in the first place. She is family, but family I havent seen in over a Decade. Also, she lives accross the country, and I didnt expect her to make the trip. Am I in the wrong here? Should I have invited B? I told A that it was fine that she come, and to let her know that B is a valued guest at her wedding. I just feel awful.
Post # 2
you have nothing to feel bad about! Im sure your 2nd or 3rd cousin you havent seen since childhood was not miffed that she wasnt invited. You cant invite everyone under the sun, people understand that.
Post # 3
hunting_bride : I don’t think it’s terrible at all. You haven’t seen this person in over a decade, she lives across the country, and is a 2nd or 3rd cousin. You were completely rational and justified in inviting who you did and I don’t think you should feel bad about it.
If B has something negative to say, you can explain how you’re having a smaller wedding, and invitied family that was close to you. Or just don’t say anything at all. You really don’t have to justify to everyonewhy you did or did not invitie them.
It seems you invitied family that you truly wanted and cared about being there, and there’s nothing wrong about that. I think you should try and take a deep breath, and let it go. It is what it is now, so all you can do is to go out and enjoy your big day!
Best of luck~
Post # 4
No, no reason to feel awful. It is nice of you to say yes, the cousin can come to be your cousin A’s traveling companion.
I feel invitations should happen by how close you are to a person, not just in tiers as to family relations.
You did fine, and you should trust your instincts.
Post # 5
If you invited every second or third cousin, you’d have a 500 person wedding. So don’t feel bad!
But don’t not invite someone if you assume they won’t make the trip. We invited my husband’s grad school friend, who lives in Germany. Of course we wanted him to come, but we certainly didn’t expect him to travel to Ohio just for our wedding. We gave him a heads up back in October (we got married in June of this year) about the wedding. 2 days later he informed us he got the time off! We were suprised, but very excited that he was willing to come all that way for us.
Post # 6
hunting_bride : Dont feel bad. If you want to invite the person then you should. If you do not or cannot then dont. If you havent seen the person in years they should understand that.
Post # 7
Don’t feel bad. You are entitled to invite who you want to invite. I didn’t invite any of my family that I haven’t seen in a long time or that I’m not close to either.
Post # 8
Nothing to feel badly about. Cuts have to be made somewhere. It’s nice that she will be able to come celebrate with you now.
Post # 9
I ran into something like this with a bride who is a sister of a in law. We knew she was getting married since inlaws of mine were in the wedding. After the wedding when she ran into us she told us she felt she’d made a mistake not inviting us since we were in a situation where we heard all about the wedding during planning. I assured her there were no hard feelings at all, we hadn’t expected to be invited and even if we had we wouldn’t have been able to come to a out of state wedding anyhow. I don’t think you need to feel bad, she’s able to come now, and not everyone can make a wedding guest list. People usually understand that, those that don’t should.
Post # 10
You have nothing to feel badly about for not inviting this person . If you did not include her to begin with TBH, as an actual family member, I would not be comfortable inviting her as your other cousin’s “date” or B listing her.