(Closed) I feel like a total witch-with-a-b……. :(

posted 10 years ago in Rings
  • poll: Am I horrible? And what should I do, if anything?

    Yep, yer a bitch!

    No I'd feel the same way.

    I'd have told him straight up!

    Keep your mouth shut and try to get over it

    Gently tell him now

    Other (please explain)

  • Post # 32
    Member
    674 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I don’t think you’re a witch. We all have preferences about our rings and you’re definitely entitled to yours.

    I also think he should have discussed the ring with you before getting it, so as to gauge your preferences. This isn’t 100 years ago when the man got something with no input from the woman.

    However, I also think that broaching the matter with him might end up hurting his feelings given how proud he is about the ring he got you. Could you settle for what you got for the moment, and then get a diamond for an anniversary?

    Also, how much did he spend on it if I may ask? Maybe you could trade it for a diamond of a similar size so that people won’t know that it’s different from the one he proposed with?

    Post # 33
    Member
    1043 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @miss.squigglesworth: It really seems that the only issue here is your female relatives who are catty about the chemical makeup of your engagement stone, right?

    I would tell them that it’s none of their business and change the conversation!

    Post # 34
    Member
    682 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    who the eff would ask “is it real??” that is SO damn rude. Once, a friend of a friend asked me if my anniversary ring was real and I looked at her, mouth agape, and said “OMG that is SUCH a rude question!” and then ignored her. Yes, it’s real. But seriously, why would anyone with ANY social graces ask that?

    I honestly don’t have any opinion either way, just wanted to comment on your female relatives.

    Post # 35
    Member
    4108 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    @miss.squigglesworth: I’m sorry, I doubt anyone who voted “Yep, your a bitch” actually read through this. You sound like a very nice person genuinely concerned about your fiance’s feelings. Honestly, my issue would be that he told others what it was. I’m sure it’s beautiful, I would wear it proudly, but I would want the fact that it’s an Asha kept between me & Fiance. I hate it when people on here insist you have to be “up front” about what your engagement ring is- how silly! You don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want to. It’s not about lying/not lying- it’s about having to deal with the judgement & poor reactions some people have to simulants. WB is pretty politically correct when it comes to this stuff, but in real life? Not the case!

    I think your plan is great- I would ultimately keep the original setting. I’m sorry the women in your family made you feel bad about your ring. From my experience, negative comments made about the ering usually stem from jealousy Wink Good luck!

    Post # 36
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    “they thought surely he couldn’t afford such a big diamond, and they were suggesting I ask him if it’s real and break off the engagement if it wasn’t…”

     

    Seriously? Your friends would honestly tell you that you should break off your engagement if the ring wasn’t real? Thats just pathetic. I’m sorry but your friends sound selfish and like material b*****s. I would NEVER consider leaving my fiance if he were to have bought me a fake stone. I’d talk to him about it if I was uncomfortable but calling off the engagement?! Good Riddance!

    You on the other hand have no reason to feel guilty for being slightly upset/confused about this. I don’t know who voted that your a bitch, and I bet they won’t fess up anyways, but your not a bitch and you seem to want to spare his feelings which shows us that you are NOT a bad person. Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Good luck and I know in the end everything will work out just fine! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 37
    Member
    2295 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @miss.squigglesworth: Jeez- whoever thought you were a bitch with the plan/response and obvious guilt you already feel, is obviously set in their judgemental ways. From what I can tell here, you care so much about your Fiance and its causing a massive guilt trip to be feeling this way…dont worry, anyone with half a mind can tell you appreciate and love your Fiance.

    Anyways, My personal opinion is that you be honest (gently) with him. I guess thats because I feel like you should be straight forward with your partner? but I like your plan, and you know your Fiance better than I, so I fully support it.

    I hope it goes well dear!

    Post # 38
    Member
    4544 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I’m sorry, I’m still stuck on the fact that people actually ASKED you if it was a diamond because they didn’t think your Fiance could afford one. How rude and catty!

    Post # 39
    Member
    201 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I totally understand. Don’t feel bad. I wasn’t totally happy with the ring my SO gave me either. Part of what bothered me was the feeling that while other SOs went to a great deal of trouble to make sure the ring they got was what their girlfriends wanted, I felt like my SO didn’t do everything he could to make sure that what he picked out for me was what I would want to wear day in and day out. And then I totally felt like I was sort of being made to feel guilty for not feeling totally wow’ed by the ring itself. I’m still trying to figure out what to do. I’ve gone through different phases– different setting, same stone; change the color of the setting; different setting, something other than a diamond… It’s really tough to be in that position.

    You may want to find out how long the return policy lasts on the ring he bought you and whether you could return either the stone or the setting/mounting if you wanted to, so you know how long you have to weigh the options. Also, you might look at buying a second-hand diamond (as long as it has the correct paperwork!!) because diamonds depreciate in cost pretty much the moment someone buys them from a store– so buying one that’s been used (even for a month) might be a less costly way to get a nice one.

    Good luck!

    Post # 40
    Member
    201 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    P.S. I really could never, ever have told my SO straight up, either! You’re in that highly emotional “Are we really getting married?” “OMG, we’re really going to get married!” state, and your SO is beaming… No way I’d have the balls to say “Um, I’m really excited right now too, but ugh… I’m not so excited about this thing.” Especially since my SO is an emotional guy to begin with– and in that situation? And are those the words you want your SO to remember as your respond to him asking you to spend the rest of your life with him? I could never do it straight up at that moment!! I’d definitely go with the “delicate” approach.

    P.P.S. I think it’s an especially hard situation to be in in this culture where the ring is supposed to express who YOU are and what kind of relationship you have– and everyone is encouraged to look at the ring and check out the ring– and some people even judge the guy and his love for you by its “bling” factor, even though the “bling” factor really only has anything to do with how much money he makes– all this, and yet guys are encouraged to “surprise” the girl with the ring without her picking it out– AND guys are encouraged to invest a large chunk of money, often with the help and advice of your future in-laws, who you also want to like you– AND you’re kind of expected to wear that same ring forever and ever– and never to want to majorly change it because of its sentimental value. Does that make any sense at all? Isn’t that just the making of a difficult situation for the bride-to-be?

    Let me know how this goes for you because I’m still trying to figure out how to handle my situation with this delicately.

    Post # 41
    Member
    3977 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I voted for suck it up.

    If people care so much if it’s an out of the dirt diamond to tell you to break off your engagement over it, then they deserve to be lied to. If they are so rude to ask if it’s real, they deserve to be lied to.

    It’s the perfect ring. It is real. Get over it.

    Sorry to be so blunt, but “friends” that act like that annoy the heck out of me.

    Post # 42
    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    You’re not a bad person for having a preference for a natural diamond. My husband bought me a beautiful 1/2 carat solitaire in a cathedral setting (3 weeks after he proposed lol) which I loved. That Christmas he gave me diamond earrings (that he purchased at the same time because his mom works in a jewelry store) that were each 1/2 carat. I had always wanted a 3-stone ring and, after wearing the earrings for a few months and never seeing them except in a mirror, I asked if he would mind if I had all 3 stones reset in to a 3-stone ring. He understood, we had the stones reset, and I love my ring as does he.

    I feel if you broach the topic first by telling him how thrilled you were when he proposed, how much you appreciated him buying you a larger simulated stone for the effect, but that you would like to have a smaller natural stone (and the costs of natural diamonds), that he might appreciate your feelings on the matter without feeling upset. You could even say that you looked forward to a surprise proposal but ring shopping together.

    Good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 43
    Member
    9814 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Ugh, sorry girl. No, of course you’re not a bitch. I voted tell him gently, but if you can’t, don’t worry. There’s always the chance you can switch it out for a diamond later down the road.

    Post # 44
    Member
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Ok, I don´t know what you will decide to do, but now seriously, did someone actually suggested to break up the engagement because it wasn´t a diamond?? That´s the most stupid thing (not to say offensive!) I´ve ever heard! what kind of pathetic looser says that?  that being said, I kinda agree with FutureMrsMoore and MrsTimber. You know what? men know as much about jewlery as they know about make up… Maybe you can bring up the topic telling him that you are thinking about getting a smaller diamond in the future, because it´s harder and more comfortable because of the size to carry about.. but you really should not worry about not having a diamond. If it makes you feel as you´re lying for not saying it´s not a diamond, then say that YOU asked for the asha. It´s NOBODY´s bussiness and they shouldn´t be making assumptions! or questions for that matter.. Seriously, that they have told you that, it´s the most uneducated and insulting thing I´ve heard and you should be furious at them, you have the whole right to send them to hell!.. and mind you, I´ve got diamonds, but I would have loved any stone! I didn´t even asked for a ring! didn´t need one to know he loved me…

    Post # 45
    Member
    511 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Nothings wrong with wanting a real diamond. And if he loves you, he’ll listen to you and understand your reasoning ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 46
    Member
    122 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I don’t consider myself a materialistic person, but I am with you on this one! It’s a ring that you will wear until you die, for god’s sake.. and hopefully pass on to a grandchild one day… It is completely normal to feel that way!!!!!!!! It would probably have been better if he had gotten you a precious stone surrounded by little diamonds or something like that.. at least you wouldnt have to correct people and/or feel like you are deceiving everyone…and it’s not trying to pass for a diamond.

    I would talk to him and maybe you can get a very nice, real diamond band and only wear that after the wedding. and in a few years, when budget allows, buy a nice ering ๐Ÿ™‚

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