(Closed) i feel like bf is intruding on my hobby

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
293 posts
Helper bee

@Waterfall: Is it possible that he’s suddenly interested in guitar because he’s looking for something the two of you can do together, or a way to share an interest with you? That’s just the first thing that came to my mind (without knowing the rest of your story). Why does it stress you out that he wants to play guitar also? Is it because you would have to teach him and don’t enjoy teaching? If so, I would try to gently explain that to him and suggest that he get an outside teacher…

Post # 4
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I don’t really understand why you’re upset… maybe you could explain more? Do you just not like teaching him? Or is he restricting your playing in some way? Or do you just want to be the only one in the relationship who plays? Just trying to figure out what exactly upsets you..

Post # 5
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Uh… hm. Can you elaborate on why this bothers you so much? Other than him infringing on your hobby, because no offense that doesn’t sound totally reasonable.

Post # 6
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would LOVE for my Fiance to take an interest in my hobbies but we’re the epitome of opposites attract. He just can’t seem to get into interior design the way I can ๐Ÿ˜›

That being said, I know it’s nice to have things to do that are for you alone, but music is something that should be shared. Instead of getting mad because your Boyfriend or Best Friend wants to share it with you, why don’t you try making it into something that can be special for the two of you. There are a million other people in the world who play guitar. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 7
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I sure hope that Darling Husband doesn’t feel this way when I show interest in his hobbies … 

Post # 8
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I gues I don’t really understand why you’d be upset about this, either. Is there more to it then that? Most people, myself included, would be happy that their significant other took interest in their hobbies..

Post # 9
1325 posts
Bumble bee

Ehhh, I can kind of understand what you are feeling. (If I sit here and try and imagine the feelings I think I can conjure them up)

I understand it is your time to yourself, your time to connect with yourself etc. A lot of people have hobbies for themselves and that they devote to just being “me” time. I think a lot of women do this with yoga.

 Just remember he is probably thinking it is a great way to do something both of your mutually like. You may have even inspired him to do something he has always wanted to do!

I would say if it really does bother you, don’t give him lessons and make sure you are able to find some space to yourself to play. Every once in awhile play a duet with him or ask him to show off his skills (or lack of lol ) but just remember to have your quiet time with you and your guitar. 

Post # 10
4038 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Honestly I would be beyond stoked if Darling Husband wanted to pick up one of my hobbies. In our case, it would probably only happen because he wanted to share them with me. I actually think it’s really sweet that he wants to learn how to play. If it really bothers you, I wouldn’t give him lessons, and like Tunacupcakes said, make sure you have time alone to play. But really, I think you should look at this as a good, bonding opportunity. 

Post # 12
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Oh man, I would love for Darling Husband to pick up one of my hobbies. I guess you could still make sure you have your alone time, but when you’re spending with him you can have something to do together?

Post # 13
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Don’t feel bad about feeling like he’s infringing on your hobby. I doubt that he’s going out of his way to make you feel shitty, but if playing guitar isn’t something that you want to do with him… you don’t have to. Just because you’re dating / getting hitched doesn’t mean that you have to have all of the same hobbies and hang out with one another all the time. In fact, it’s probably better that you don’t.

I would tell the Boyfriend or Best Friend that you’re excited that he wants to learn how to play, but let him know that you’re not a very good teacher – you don’t have the patience, and you have always just played by yourself, and for yourself. Suggest that he take lessons somewhere else, and let him know that he can ask any questions, of course – but you’d rather not make things tense by trying to teach him yourself. And be firm and stick to it – you’ll be around to answer questions he has after he takes lessons, but not before.

Post # 14
11391 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would be excited to have a hobby together finally though still make time to have your own hobby time! Hubby & I play golf together on the weekends and it is a blast!!!!!!!!

Post # 15
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Maybe he just wants to be closer to you by being a part of something you enjoy. If teaching his stresses you out, then ask him to get some lessons from somewhere else and then he can put on a little show for you to show you what he’s learned.

FH and I are pretty much polar opposites and we really don’t share anything. Here recently though he’s been getting more interested in medicine, ever since I introduced him to House : ) At first, it was really frustrating for me to have to answer 300 questions that are pretty basic to me, but after a while I found out that I really enjoy having someone to talk about medical things with ๐Ÿ™‚ While he’s learning about medicine, he’s teaching me about quantum physics.

We both still have seperate things that we enjoy, but FH and I feel a little closer because we are sharing some of our interests/hobbies with each other.

Post # 16
98 posts
Worker bee

@Waterfall: I can understand your frustration if guitar is something you like to do to unwind.  I play guitar as well, and sometimes I just like to sit by myself, strum and sing.  It’s so relaxing.  So I can see why the stress of suddenly having to teach it gets on your nerves.  I taught violin and piano privately for 8 years, starting when I was in my teens, and I can completely empathize that — especially when you’re not getting paid for it — teaching someone that you’re close to is not always easy!!  It’s not the professional relationship that you’d have with a student.  And teaching skills take time to develop. 

I completely think that your guy is just doing his best to connect with you.  Since I’m very musical my SO was worried at the beginning of our relationship that music may drive us apart.  That type of thing sometimes happens to couples with divergent interests.  So he was so concerned about it, that he started playing drums.  Now he plays in a band with me, where I play the violin and sing.  It means a lot to me that he wants to share something I love!  Sure, I still take time to play by myself, but it’s great to have him join, too.  I actually did get jealous a bit when he got really good really fast on the drums, and even got invited by some friends to do a recording with them, which then went on iTunes.  I was like, whoa, I’m the musician here and now HE is on iTunes???  But I knew that was immature ๐Ÿ˜‰  I was proud of him, also, and told him so. =] 

Anyway . . . I would say encourage him because he’s trying to connect with you in something that’s important to you!  Maybe he would love it if you too up bowling!

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