I feel like everything is falling apart

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 22
291 posts
Helper bee

Ok, bee, as you already know, it can be offensive to lots of people when using the r word, and i do agree it is inappropriate. BUT i also want to remind you to take a deep breath. It sounds like you are maybe staying at your in-laws due to a cultural thing, but correct me if I’m wrong. I just know of some cultures that do that where the fiance shows her worth to the in-laws and what it’ll be like having her in their lives etc. I could absolutely be wrong though. It’s not any of our business why you’re there or why your parents are fixing up a house for you, though. So ignore everyone including myself for asking. 


That being said, i really do want to encourage you to seek some form of therapy so you can learn to better handle your emotions and not fall off the rail over something like Facebook. You will be able to share your day, and yes it sucks it’s not in the fashion you would like, but sometimes things happen, bee. Sometimes you have to roll with the punches. 

And I’m sorry you’re piggy in the middle, but soon after the wedding you won’t be. Try and hold onto that. 

  • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by street69.
Post # 23
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@anonyrantybee33:  What the hell did I just read?

Saying you would have committed suicide over some relatively mild family tension. I hope you were being flippant because otherwise you absolutely should talk to a therapist as life only gets harder as you get older. It’s also confusing whether you’re married or not. I assume not? If so why would you need to change your surname now anyway? And I can’t believe that asking your friend to take back her married name on social media because whatever your situation is is unresolved. It is BEYOND. Wow. The other stuff about a friend and her ex was nonsensical. 

Post # 24
66 posts
Worker bee

I feel like this can’t be a real post. You sound ridiculously immature and oh my gosh the R word? My students even know to never ever say that word. You sound way too immature to get married. I’m sorry but you need to work on yourself… if this even is a real post 

Post # 25
2151 posts
Buzzing bee


I’m going to say that while your entire post is problematic, the bees are being way too harsh right now. There are a lot of concerning things in your post which they have picked up on, but I agree with  @bluejellyfish:  that it’s devolved to nastiness and bullying. 

There is no need to kick someone while they are clearly down, and you seem very down. 

Another poster hit the nail on the head. You are relying far too much on your parents. If you want to be treated as an adult, you have to behave as an adult, which means taking charge of situations and relying on yourself and your partner. It means setting boundaries with family and standing on your own. I’m not sure if this is a cultural difference or just how things go in your family, but it’s clearly not a healthy dynamic for you. 

Secondly, we all get emotional from time to time, but when things happen that upset you, you go into a vindictive frame of mind where you want others to hurt. I understand that these are just feelings and that you have said you wouldn’t act on them, but this reaction is not really a normal or healthy reaction to have. The fact that this is your reaction seems to indicate that you might need some assistance in processing emotions. 

You mention suicidal thoughts. You mention dependance on substances. Bee, you are clearly struggling right now. Please take this seriously and prioritize your mental health over everything else. You are worth prioritizing. Please contact a therapist or other mental health professional and share what you are going through so you can stop feeling so badly. 

Post # 26
1635 posts
Bumble bee

Please find a professional to talk to OP, even if it’s just calling a telephone service in your area. You’re clearly hurting right now xo

Post # 20
1197 posts
Bumble bee

Totally agree with 

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@strawberrysakura:  and the other PP that I am horrifed by the bees being so harsh. Many people do not have access to other sources and people that they can talk to, and so they come here, rightly or wrongly, for input, guidance, comfort or just to vent and share their problems and darkest thoughts. And readers of the thread take that as an invitation to have a go at that person, and that just isn’t right. Even if it is a stranger confiding awful things, that confidence is an honour, and I really do think we should approach these things with a lot more sensitivity.

OP, you need real-life help and someone you can trust and talk to on a regular basis about these thoughts you are having. Substance abuse is not something you can generally tough out on your own; your GP should be a good place to start as far as that is concerned. Thoughts of suicide and hurting yourself need to be taken very seriously; there are toll-free lines you can call to talk to someone. But if you have not already done so, you definitely need to confide in your fiance. He needs to know that you need extra emotional support right now and that you are hanging on by a thread.

It might seem like too big a mountain to climb right now, but putting some distance between yourself and your parents and your in-laws is going to give you that sense of autonomy that you crave. If they are creating drama and you are getting sucked into that drama, it is going to be very difficult for you to feel better. Someone with the mental strength to resist it might not be so affected by all the bickering and drama about the wedding, but you are not at that point, so I would suggest getting away for a bit. Even if you take a few days’ holiday, or manage to get out of the house and spend a good few hours a day away from them and on your own or with friends, it will do you a lot of good. As long as they are such a massive part of your life, you are always going to feel beholden to them and like a child. Start breaking away in small ways, even if you are not yet able or ready to do it in big ways. Work up to having more independence.

As for wishing your friend ill and resenting her marriage and happiness, the best cure for this is to start creating happiness for yourself and focus on that. Get out of the habit of comparing your life to those of others because there are so many problems with doing this.

Adopt a pet or take up a hobby or even just find something, anything, that brings you joy. Frankly, stay away from social media if you want my advice. Countless studies have linked excessive social media usage to depression and negative mental health outcomes. It’s poison for someone in your frame of mind.

Start small, and build on small achievements and small steps towards happiness. Good luck to you x

  • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by indigobee.
Post # 21
224 posts
Helper bee

Bee, this was a very emotional post, and there are lots of things going on in your brain. Not saying things are wrong because it’s going on in your mind, but lots to sort out.

As previous posters mentioned, definitely find someone professional to talk through all this with because it would be so much more helpful than a loved one or an internet forum.

But the thing I will comment is that outer appearances – the Facebook name, a beautiful wedding, having kids – do not change your perception of you or your past. Only you can do that. And you need to realize that other people – the woman who posted on fb about abuse she suffered from your family friend, a friend who had her name changed seemingly smoothly, your future sister-in-law, can only affect you the amount you let them. Because it all comes back to YOU.

You need to take responsibility for and charge of YOU.

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