(Closed) I feel like he is not only lying to me but also betraying me…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I overeacting?!?
    No, he lied to you. : (38 votes)
    25 %
    Yes, it's not like he is cheating on you. : (51 votes)
    33 %
    I can understand being upset. : (65 votes)
    42 %
    Other : please explain below : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    515 posts
    Busy bee

    I don’t have much to say in the way of advice or anything… but I’m sorry you are going through this. Hugs

    Post # 4
    210 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    No, I dont think you’re crazy. Your strong to not shake his ass up and starting asking him queations. Hopefully when you do talk to him, he will have  some answers for you that can explain his actions.

    Post # 5
    1512 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I can understand being upset, definitely. Have you talked to him about this? From an outside perspective, it seems like he’s trying to appease both of you. Is he very close to this other woman? She very well may be his best friend, but I don’t know. Would you feel this upset if he called a male friend his best? Do they have a romantic history? If she truly is his bes friend, he may have just gotten into the habit of calling her that [old habits die hard], or his friends may not know her as anything else. I know my Fiance had nicknames for all his friends, and maybe your man did the same?

    I don’t know the whole siuation, obviously, so I can’t say how I’d react. I do know that I would be upset about him lying to me, and I would definitely talk to him about it.

    Post # 7
    1157 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I agree definitly bring it up in counseling.A lie is a lie…My fiance had a girl that was his best friend mainly because she was in love with him and he just wanted to be friends.It’s annoying.He rarely speaks to her now because he knows I was tired of her and her nonsense.you are right,her feelings are irrelevant,if u dislike the nickname he shouldn’t use it.period.

    Post # 8
    2142 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Honestly, I think you’re being unreasonable. Friends calling each other best is not sexual or romantic or anything, and he’s stopped doing it in front of you so that you won’t be offended by it. I’m sorry but sometimes the only thing to do when someone is unreasonable is lie to them about it, or maybe he was just feeling too much pressure from her to stop without hurting her feelings and causing problems with his friend. I say this because I’ve been in the opposite situation (my annoying friend and my controlling partner) and it sucks, it’s not so easy to just side with your partner.

    Post # 9
    2492 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I hate to say this, but I think it is a bit of an over-reaction. That being said, I remember when I was dating someone and a girl he was friends with always called him– daily– like I did. There were other things she did that seemed…. too much, but I used THIS as my point of contention because it was the easier to say “SHE CALLS YOU TOO DAMNED MUCH” than it was to say “She leans in when you talk and giggles too much when you tell a joke, and brushes your arm too often”. Is there perhaps more things this girl is doing, beyond this, that bothers you? It seems like she might be a major flirt.

    I say that if it is just the nickname, I think he is trying to keep everyone happy by calling her “best” behind your back. Is it the best choice? Probably not, but it is what he is doing. If it is more than the nickname and a “feeling”, start really looking into that feeling. I doubt he is cheating or has a crush on her, but she certainly might have a thing for him, regardless of being married.

    If she really makes you uncomfortable, I think you need to talk to HER about it too. “Sally, I know you are only friends with John, but it really makes me uncomfortable how you have a nickname with him. I know it might not seem like much to you, but it really does bother me. John agreed that he would stop, so could you as well?”

    Post # 10
    10015 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Make up an acronym for BEST (beginning with the “b” word) that you can associate with her and that may help.  Obviously she isn’t his “best” because you’re his wife.  You could talk with her and tell her to back off of your husband or you may start honing in on hers and she how she’d like that.

    I can see why you’re upset.  Put a stop to it.  But don’t jump on your husband too hard, he’s between a rock and a hard place since she’s his best friend’s wife.  He may not can stand her, though, but I doubt he takes it too seriously what she thinks.  Don’t let something so stupid and petty come between you two.  She would LOVE that.  😉

    ETA:  For example:  Bitch Egotisical Stupid Trashy  (haha!!)

    Post # 11
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Sorry, but this whole situation is just strange. If your hubby doesn’t want to call her his “best” then he needs to grow a pair and tell her she is being ridiculous and he will not call her that anymore. Keeping up this behavior after you have repeatedly told him it makes you uncomfortable is disrespectful to you, no matter if he is just doing it to “keep her happy” or not.

    Post # 12
    2450 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    maybe this is going to sound like crazy talk, but…. why don’t you actually confront him about catching him in a lie? I mean, you have proof. If he gets on you about nosing about in his phone, remind him that he said he didn’t mind you reading his texts.

    and don’t just ‘surprise’ him at couples councelling. that’s dirty and not productive at all. 

    Post # 13
    267 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    How does HER husband feel about this? I wouldn’t like my Darling Husband calling another woman Best, but at the same time I guess it depends on the situation.  Just one thing to watch out for (which might not be in your case at all, but just a headsup), sometimes I feel like when guys talk bad about someone else (specifically another woman), they are trying to get you to think they really don’t like that person when maybe there is something else there.  I’m not trying to get you worked up, but I’ve just seen this happen a few times and noticed you said he talks bad about her all the time, so I thought maybe this might be the reason.  Good luck, sorry you’re in this messy situation. 

    Post # 14
    7429 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    @catnip:  agree with you.

    OP, my ex lied to me for 2 years about something, and when I found that out, I think it was worse than finding out he cheated. I just can’t believe he could tell me he loved me and wanted tos pend the rest of his life with me, all the while lying to my face. Everyone apparently knew but me, which really pissed me off. I lost a lot of respect for a lot of people after that.

    I just can’t see lying to your spouse. If it were me, I’d definitely say something about it

    Post # 15
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Maybe that’s the only way that friend really knows who he’s talking about? He wasn’t calling her that name to her and maybe when he said he stopped calling her that, he wasn’t thinking about a text message to one of his guy friends….ask him about it.

    Post # 16
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    She sounds like a head case, so don’t get on her level by getting upset about this. Tell your husband that you know he still calls her that, tell him it’s creepy, and then don’t spend any more time worrying about this insecure crazy-face.

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