(Closed) I feel like he is not only lying to me but also betraying me…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Am I overeacting?!?
    No, he lied to you. : (38 votes)
    25 %
    Yes, it's not like he is cheating on you. : (51 votes)
    33 %
    I can understand being upset. : (65 votes)
    42 %
    Other : please explain below : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 33
    Member
    995 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @UCBee:  Honestly, you’re being a little controlling. When he calls this girl his best, it means best friend–and he has known her for a very long time-there aren’t any romantic feelings attached—would you be having the same problem if this friend were a guy and he called him his best? It could be worse, he could be ‘lover’ lol

    Yes the  names are dorky, and yes you may not really like this friend–but she is his friend nevertheless and she is not a threat to you—you trying to force your husband to change the nicknames he has with his friends IS a threat to your relationship, because (to be blunt) you are making yourself fit the stereotype of the nag wife that he can’t share anything with

     

    Is there a reason why you are so threatened by their friendship? Do you doubt her motives? No he shouldn’t have lied to you about the nickname thing but you also shouldn’t be trying to forcefully control his friendships

    Post # 35
    Member
    10016 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @UCBee:  Whew!  So glad to hear you got it worked out with him!  Don’t let this person ever cause trouble between you again, she is so not worth it!  Glad to hear he had a perfect explanation, now you are both on the same page about it. Yay!

    Post # 36
    Member
    46 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    The fact that he has a best girl friend shouldn’t upset you….but the fact he feels the need to lie would bother me.  If it was me…I would just say flat out….I was looking at pictures, came across this and want to talk about it because I don’t want you to feel like you have to lie to me.  Guys are going to lie to avoid a fight so if you eliminate the fight and just calmly talk about something that bothers you maybe he will be more inclined to say that maybe he doesn’t see it as a big deal to call her best and maybe he feels you are over reacting.  If he does feel that way you guys just need to come to some sort of compromise on the issue.

    Post # 37
    Member
    6040 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    @UCBee:  Ok I read most of the thread and I had to stop because I cannot help but feel like this is all a really petty argument. Him not allowing you to call your friends “best friends” because he is your only best friend? you being upset over him calling this girl his “best”? I hate to sound harsh, but it sounds like a  fight I would have had with someone in middle school. Who cares who calls who what. You all are MARRIED which in and of itself implies you are each others best eveything, friend, lover, companion, etc. You have the main spot in his life, period. I get that he should not have lied to you. That part I understand. Whether he thought your request to be unreasonable or not is besides the point. If he thought that it was unreasonable he should have said so instead of agreeing to something he had no intention of actually sticking to.

    ETA: I just read that he was tired and that he agrees he should not lie to you. Please please let this go. its not an argument that two grown married adults should waste precious time on. btw, I would never allow my Fiance to tell me how i can refer to my friends, whether it be saying the word “best” or otherwise. I do take his feelings into consideration but I do not just bend at every sign of him being affected. I do have an opinion too and if I ultimately think what he is saying is unreasonable Im going to stand my ground.I will also make necessary changes if what he is saying or feeling seems like its something that is truly a big deal. I will acknowledge his feelings and do my best to find a middle ground but for something like this? I would honestly question who i was with if this is the kind of thing that they were offended by. But thats just me, I would not be able to handle being with someone that sensitive and petty imo. But since you both seem to have an issue with this it sounds like you two are right on the same page and I guess thats all that matters. to each their own i guess…

    Post # 38
    Member
    995 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @UCBee:  I’m saying that by making demands and restrictions on his friendships you are playing into the stereotypical ROLE of a ‘nag wife’—I’m not saying that is what you are, but that men are inclined to write off this behavior as nagging 

    He is making unreasonable demands as well if he has a problem with you calling your friends ‘best friends’–it’s just silly

     

    Obviously you are each others best friends, that’s why you’re married—you should BOTH be secure enough to not feel threatened by friends—unless this girl is trying to have an inappropriate relationship with your man, that is a totally different story!

    Post # 41
    Member
    3686 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    She is an insecure bitch that has tried to break us up from the beginning. She met him online when she was single and tried her hardest to get him to like her. He didn’t at all and introduced her to his best friend. They hit it off, but it’s clear she still has a thing for him. She has even told me to my face she doesn’t think I’m good enough for him,.and they should be together.


    She is waaaaayyyyyyy overstepping her bounds, and she needs to go!  He shouldn’t be talking to her, or even acknowledging her existance!

    Post # 42
    Member
    6040 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    this is obviously something you already have an opinion formed on. My opinoin about it sounding silly still stands. Including what you brought up about the two doctors you know. Although im not sure what them being doctors has to to do with anything. the argument of calling someone best or not is still something that, imo, is silly. no matter who its coming from, you or him.

    you are correct though that is disrespectful of him to have the kind of relationship he does with her. my concern would not be that he calls her best, it would be that he still gives someone like her the time of day knowing she tried to break you two up and that she has such a crappy attitude towards you. It is his job to stick up for you with someone like her and that would be where my problem would lie. You are also correct in feeling that he should care more about your feelings than he does hers. You are far more tolerant than I, I would not be ok with him having ANY contact with someone who tried to break us up, let alone be friends with them. if she is still someone he is forced to be around (as in she’s part of his larger group of friends, or the girlfriend or wife of one of his friends), I would make sure it was left at that and nothing more, unless its something he HAS to do, that “friendship” would be over. And I do not normally get involved with the friends my Fiance has, even if i do not personally like them. But for someone who tried to break us up and who put me down, I would make an exception and make sure there i was very clear on how i felt towards that person.

    good luck and I hope this situation some how works itself out in the best way possible.  

    Post # 43
    Member
    248 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

     

    I feel for you. My Fiance has a ‘friend’ that I feel has massively overstepped the mark. This person sent my Fiance very explicit texts/msn messages when we’d been together nearly a year.  My Fiance had had a ‘fling’ with them, and this person thought they could just come along and pick up where it ended.  We’d been living together 6 months at the time.  Caused a lot of upset and trouble.  FI eventually told this person he was with me and not available, but he still considers them a ‘friend’  I certainly don’t. 

    Fiance says I can’t tell him who his ‘friends’ are.  I tell him that this person disrespected our relationship, so therefore is not a ‘friend’   So there we are, disagreeing and at stalemate. I have however established that Fiance is not to see this person without me being present. 

    The nicknames your husband and this girl call each other are inappropriate, and he should stop it. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    2410 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @stardustintheeyes:  Agreed.

     

    OP, I really hate to sound harsh, but this is a very childish and petty thing to be arguing about. Marriage is tough, so to be setting these kinds of restrictions for each other and having huge arguments over them seems a tad unrealistic to me.

    Post # 45
    Member
    2401 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Besides the lying thing… I dont get it. Cant you just suggest a new nickname that would be less offensive to you?

    And if he just calls her “best,” it could mean a lot of things. Make it in to a joke. Maybe she’s the best lunatic, best drunk, best crazy driver, best person to make fun of, best-worst _______, etc. Put a spin on it.

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