(Closed) I feel like Husband is trying to get away from our life.

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee

sweetpink:  I don’t have children, but I would talk to him. Let him know how you are feeling and come up with a compromise. He can spend a day by himself and vice versa. Something along those lines. 

I do have friends that have children, and they feel like they start to lose their identity if they are focused on the kids 24/7. Maybe that’s what is happening?

Post # 2
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Tell him he needs to suck it up.  One of the things you sacrifice when you have a baby is most of your social life.  He already gets plenty of time to himself, and it sounds like you get none.  

Post # 3
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

To me, it sounds like he is afraid of losing himself.  When you have kids your life tends to become and revolve all around your child.  So it seems like he is trying to find a balance between being a parent and being his own person with his own friends.

So I think you need to talk to your H.  Tell him that you understand and support that he needs quality time outside of the home with his friends, but that you also need that.  That you both need to work together to figure out a balance between being parents, being husband and wife, and being your own person.  Maybe make a scheudle on a calendar that you put up on your fridge.  Mark out the days that he can go out and do his own thing.  Mark down days where you can go out and do your own thing.  Make a date night every other week for just the two of you.

But you both need to find a balance that you are happy with.  You don’t want to wake up 20 years from now and not have any clue of who you are or the person next to you once your kid leaves the nest. 

Post # 5
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Yeah I agree I don’t have kids but talk to him. It will only get worse if you don’t, sometimes men just need a reminder of their priorities. They really don’t think sometimes lol. 

Post # 7
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee

sweetpink:  is he a stay at home dad? You said he wanted to put your child in full time day care so he can hang out with his friends and he thinks you are jealous of his schedule? 

Post # 8
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Is he the primary caretaker of the baby?  If so, and if he’s not able to do that anymore, you will have to figure out as a family what your other options are.

Post # 9
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

sweetpink:  This is something else you need to talk about.  You need to compromise and say that when you two are home spending time together that the phones need to be put down.

And like other PP have asked, is he a stay at home Dad?  If he wanted to put your daughter into full time daycare then his ass better be getting a job instead of doing it just so he can hang out with his friends.  Because that would so not fly with me.

Post # 10
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

sweetpink: What is his schedule like? I think that would help responses. Is he a Stay-At-Home Dad or does he work also?

Post # 12
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee

To be honest (don’t hate me) I looked through you’re older posts. About him and your shopping, struggling to get your intimacy back and going through the painful choice to have an abortion and the guilt that you both harbored after the fact. 

I think this isn’t him wanting to hang out with his friends.  Maybe its part of the reason, but I think deeper issues may be coming to the surface.    I don’t live your day to day life. Im sure you are both struggling and need to sort through those feelings.   I would strongly suggest therapy.   You need to find a way to communicate To each other. 

Post # 14
Member
415 posts
Helper bee

sweetpink:  

He says that he feels like he cant do anything because he has to take care of the baby all the time

Well, yeah. He should have thought about that before making a baby.

Tell him that. And until you break him down and his final response is, “Ok honey, I’ll share the responsibility in caring for OUR baby so that it’s not all dumped on you,” just keep saying it over and over and OVER again: “You should have thought about that before having a baby.”

Put your foot down. This is ridiculous. 

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