(Closed) I feel like Husband is trying to get away from our life.

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Honestly, it seems like such extra childcare reinforcements would be great for both of you. Can you afford that? You’re both resentful of not being able to do other things, so it seems like putting the baby in daycare could really help relieve that.

Post # 17
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee

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sweetpink:  I don’t know too many people who want to take care of their baby 24/7 and can go without “me time”. How about you make a schedule and take turns taking care of baby so you can both spend time with your friends or doing things you enjoy. So for example, he goes to racketball in the morning, but when he gets back you get to go to lunch with girlfriends or get a massage. It sounds like you could use a break from child care as well.  

Post # 18
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Working 12 hours shifts and coming home to have to take care of a baby all day would exhaust most people.  I think you guys really do need to rethink your childcare strategy.

Post # 19
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

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EDubbs:  <—-What she said.  Apparently there is a lot more going on in your lives/relationship then just this.  Talking to someone, both individually and together may help a lot.

Post # 22
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

But if the reason he is trying to escape is that he is overwhelmed with working 12 hour shifts and then caring for a baby, then it IS about the child, or rather about how you manage your childcare as a family.

Post # 23
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

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sweetpink:  It doesn’t matter that you don’t know these people.  You not knowing all of his friends has no bearing on what the issue is.

And I don’t think many people on here could be without a job either and I am sure most of us work 40+ hours a week.  You are not alone in that regard.  But I do agree with PP that apparently how you schedule/handle childcare is an issue.

I think you and your H need to go to marriage counseling.  You seem to have a lot of things going on that you need to figure out.  And sadly you will not get the help you need from a message board.

Post # 24
Member
4463 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Why is the fact that you don’t know these people relevant? Your husband obviously needs a break, and arguing about it is going to make things worse, as he’ll feel suffocated. If he’s home with the baby most days, then it’s fair to give him time to go to the gym. First off, it’s improving his health, and secondly, while your time out of the house is at work, you also get to socialize, and have time with other adults: he doesn’t. He deserves that break too.

So instead, compromise. You say he takes your daughter to daycare while he goes to the gym: why don’t you do something for yourself during that time too? Go with him to the gym, or get a hobby of your own. I think a lot of this really DOES come from the fact that your life is just working and spending time with your child, and you have nothing that is yours. Him having hobbies or things he wants to do outside of the family is healthy and natural. The solution is not to restrict his hobbies and interests (within reason), but to develop some of you own.

Post # 25
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee

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sweetpink:  I didn’t mean quit your job. I’m talking about your free time outside of work. There must be instances when you are both home and one can take care of the baby while the other get’s time to do something fun? 

Post # 29
Member
2366 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

You need to find someone to watch the baby so you guys have some time together. If you don’t work weekends take the baby and go watch him play soccer. 

Post # 30
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

What are you looking for here?  You are not listening to anyone.  Clearly the current scenario isn’t working for either of you, whether he goes to the gym in the morning and/or with friends you don’t know or not.  Get some help with childcare.  if you are both working full time, I would think you’d be able to afford some version of daycare.

The topic ‘I feel like Husband is trying to get away from our life.’ is closed to new replies.

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