(Closed) I feel like Husband is trying to get away from our life.

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 92
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My understanding is that he works 3 nights a week every third week. First week is 3 12 hour nights. Then 3 12 hour day shifts for a week. Then the third week he is off. I’m sure the weeks he works nights is exhausting. He probably leaves work at 7am and then only has a couple hours to sleep before he has to pick up his child by 1pm. But I’m sure he can survive those 4 hours until she comes home so he can sleep. And yes, the day leading up to him working nights is hard because again, he can only sleep in the morning. So every third week is really difficult. But he already has that entire week off every third week so that he can socialize during the day while leaving his daughter at the gym day care.

I’m not sure it’s worth placing the daughter in full time care just for that one week every three weeks. But maybe 2 full days a week? As long as he’s also contributing to the home the weeks he’s off and not just socializing the whole time. 

OP, why don’t you work out a budget and look into the cost of an extra day of day care and also see if  can budget to rent your own place? Or maybe you increase the daughter’s time in day care, but your husband works two extra shifts a month to pay for it?

Also, where does your daughter go the days your husband works days? Is she in day care all day those days?

Post # 93
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Outdoor

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Karie:  it seems like you are reading this differently than I am: 

“He works 12 hour night shifts 3 days one week, 3 days the following week, then he is off for a whole week”

I don’t read it like he is working any day shifts, it seems like he works night shifts for 6 days, 3 one week and 3 the next. 

Post # 94
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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Stephefanie:  Gotcha! After rereading it more carefully, I agree with you. He is on nights two weeks in a row. That makes a difference. I still don’t see why he can’t pick up an extra couple of shifts to pay for more day care. He only works 36 hours every two weeks which is about 108 a month vs 160 hours that most full time people work. It would be hard to only get broken sleep and watch a toddler while working nights. That week off would be needed to catch up on rest. 

Post # 95
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Honestly, what bothers me most about this is that you two don’t seem to hang out together away from the baby. I don’t blame him for wanting to hang out with his friends, but that should include you. 

Post # 96
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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sweetpink:  I’m sorry but these mysterious new “friends” you’ve never met sound completely like a cover for an affair.  You obviously know your husband better than a stranger on the internet but if it were me I’d be insisting on meeting these people.  If he gives you a bunch of excuses or gets defensive, start snooping (again this is what I would do).

If everything is on the up and up then I would still be hesitant to put the baby in daycare full time depending on the price increase.  It sounds like y’all are trying to get out of your parents house–now’s not really the time to spend money on luxuries (like more childcare so your DH can pursue hobbies).

Post # 97
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Outdoor

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Karie:  True, it’s not as many hours as the OP, but we don’t know what OP’s job is, it might be equally stressful or it might not. I really think that they need to put the baby to bed way earlier (I’m sure that OP wants quality time with the baby when she gets home from work, but she has said the baby is cranky all evening so it doesn’t seem like that much quality.) Then OP and her husband need to spend a couple of quality hours together, not watching a movie or texting, but actually talking or experiencing something together. If the baby goes down before 8, the OP and her DH can have from 8-10 for couple time when he is not heading out to work, and then they can go to bed by 10 and be much better rested. I know that I personally am cranky the next day if I go to bed too much later than 10:30, no matter when I have to get up, but OP says she gets up for work at 5 and her DH probably has to get up whenever the baby wakes up, so if they are staying up until midnight it’s not enough sleep. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is a good book on helping babies get the sleep that they need, and I really reccomend that OP reads it.

OP has said several times that it has come up that her DH thinks she is jealous of him having a social life, but she really hasn’t spoken to that at all- Is she jealous? If she is, is it because her DH gets social time with other adults and she doesn’t? Is it because she thinks that her DH shouldn’t have a social life other than her and the baby? Does she think these things but not recognize them as jealousy? OP needs to get some hobbies, reconnect with her friends (or make new ones) and take time for herself as well as time with her DH. If DH wants to go play sports with his friends on staurday morning, he could take the baby to the gym daycare and let OP have the morning to herself sometimes. 

I haven’t seen OP post in several pages, not sure if she’ll be back. 

The topic ‘I feel like Husband is trying to get away from our life.’ is closed to new replies.

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