(Closed) I feel like I have to plan this whole wedding by myself. How to get FI to help?

posted 4 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

blushblossom91:  I have a few suggestions if you haven’t tried these already-

I found that giving my Darling Husband options was helpful, but not quite the way you described. Instead of me going out and researching all the options like mad, laying them out in front of him, explaining each option, and having him just choose one, I would involve him in the “research” process. I would ask him his preferences, which would then help *me* narrow down my research. Example: when looking at venues, I started big: “indoor wedding or outdoor?” and asked him to choose which he would like best and we would discuss/come to a compromise. Then I narrowed by location – “In x state near my family, or in x state near your family, or in x state where we currently live?”, then by amount of work we would need to do “All inclusive or DIY affair?” etc etc etc. From there, I could find options that fit within those constraints, come up with like 3 final options, and we discussed them together and chose one. This works for everything – colors, flowers, decor, etc. It helped my Darling Husband understand the process a bit and appreciate all the work that goes into wedding planning, and helped him feel included from the very beginning.

Also, try delegating small, specific tasks and set a clear “due date”. Giving your Fiance something big like “figure out flowers” is totally overwhelming, but something like “send the florist the deposit by xx date” is much easier. I used an app on my phone and could share to-do lists with my Darling Husband. I made sure that when we both got home from work, I would let him know that I added things to the to-do list, and quickly explain them. I could also see when he checked things off the list. Also, before we left in the morning, I would ask him to do one or two things that day: “Honey, could you order your groomsmen’s ties and send out the deposit for the rental chairs? Thanks!!”

And I will shamelesly admit that I “trained” my Darling Husband with sex. Sometimes when he had been helpful planning (and in the beginning, I had to start small with my expectations), I would reward him lol. “DH, I REALLY appreciate you helping me deal with centerpieces today, its so nice that you help me plan our wedding, etc…” and then… well you get the idea. It definitely made him more interested in helping out, that’s for sure! 😀


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