(Closed) I feel like I'm being a bad friend

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You should call your friend and explain your concerns. 

Post # 4
1886 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you need to have a heart to heart with her

Post # 5
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@hotstepmom: I’ve been going back and forth on this a little and have come to this conclusion: go. So what if her marriage doesn’t last. So what if she calls it off at the last minute. So what if she goes through with it and they have a happy marriage after all. At least you will have upheld some integrity here and followed through with attending and being there for her, if she is as good as friend as you say. Further, if you really are a friend, and you know she is wavering and needing some honest insight, this might just be your time to help her see the light in how sad she really is. It isn’t about pointing out the negatives in him or their relationship–she knows. It is probably more about her needing permission to move on at this late stage in the planning process.

Post # 6
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you should talk to her and be honest about your thoughts on her relationship.  I was in a horrible relationship for years and finally some of my friends just couldn’t deal with my constant taking up for my loser ex and making excuse after excuse for his behavior. They were honest with me, told me how they felt about him and how I really and truly deserve so much better.  Of course I got angry and just defended him to them even more, but deep down I knew they were telling the truth.  I noticed after that I didn’t see them as much, unless it was without him.  I finally got the courage to leave him and move out and instead of hearing  “I told you sos” from them, they were there, supporting me as I left a 9 year relationship and moved on with my life and moved away from the state I had called home all my life. 


Fast forward 7 years to today and here I am months away from my wedding.  I’m marrying the guy perfect for me, the guy I DO deserve and those same friends will be there with genuine smiles on their faces, truly happy for me.  I’m thankful they were true friends to me and gave me their honest input, even though it must have been difficult for them to do so.

Post # 8
3273 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

@Cornflakegirl:  I think this is really good advice.  She needs a friend right now.

Next time she calls, tell her that you’re worried and ask her if she’s happy. Don’t point out her FIs flaws, but focus on her and her happiness.  If she decides to go ahead with the wedding, be there as her friend.  If, god forbid, it doesn’t last, then be there to pick up the pieces. Being a friend isn’t always easy, but she sounds like she needs you more than she is ready to admit.

Post # 9
2200 posts
Buzzing bee

If you don’t want to spend the money, don’t. Let her know you are happy for her and celebrating from afar and you will take them out to celebrate after the wedding. I personally wouldn’t spend $2000 on the situation you described with my own wedding coming up shortly.

Post # 10
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

First, I think you really should talk to her and make sure you keep doing like you have been and focus on her and her own happiness. I would also drive home the fact that big issues like this don’t just disappear after a wedding. It might seem terrible to bing up, but has she signed a prenup? Its sounds like she could really use one.

As far as travel plans are concerned, maybe you could plan to go by yourself. Even if you’ve bought your plane ticket and they call off the wedding, she probably will still need a friend to lean on when The Day That Could Have Been rolls around… Maybe also ask if there are any other OOTers that you could room with to cut costs too.

Good luck! 

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