Post # 1
So, my brother has been selling things for my parents on ebay. My brother asked them if they wanted the money that he has been collecting to apply some of it to my wedding. They said yes. I didn’t know how much money it was, until now. They’re only giving me $500 when I know my brother is getting a lot more than that from selling their stuff. My brother told me the reason was because my dad didn’t want to give me more money than what he gave my younger sister for her wedding. Mind you, she had a super quickie wedding (one week of planning) in some little chapel that was off a major street. Not expensive at all when in comparison to my wedding. I know that they also have some budget crunches and everything, ut a part of me feels like it’s not fair. I also see it not fair because my FI’s family has already given us a substantial amount and on top of that amount, they’re gifting us our caterer & DJ. I kind of want to bring this up to atleast my mom, because she’s logical one & understanding (with my dad, you can’t really talk him out of anything unless, you my mom..lol). But I also don’t because I don’t want to be a little brat and be like “I need more money because my wedding is costing more…waah…” you know? What would you do in this situation?
Post # 3
I would not say anything to your parents, you are basically telling them that their gift is not good enough. They are not obligated to pay for any part of your wedding. If your sister went a cheaper route that was her decision, the same way it is your decision to have a more expensive wedding.
Post # 4
I would let it go. Your bigger, costlier wedding is your choice, just as your parents can choose to give you, your sister, or your brother anything or nothing. You’re not entitled to any money, and I don’t know that there is a nicer way to say “I need more money waah.”
Post # 5
I agree, I wouldn’t say anything other than thank you for what they have given you! They are under no obligation to give you more money simply because you are chosing to spend more money on your wedding than your sister did. And how much your fiance’s family offers is completely irrelevant to your parents giving you money because each family has different financial situations. You even said yourself that they were budget crunching so for them to even offer to give you $500 seems very generous of them. We would all love to have our weddings completely paid for, but unfortunately it’s just not reality for most people and you should just thank them for what they have offered and be grateful for that.
Post # 6
I think talking/asking about finances is one thing, demanding is something different and yes, bratty.
It all depends how your family works and how their finances are too. I think talking/asking if they’re not in the best financial place right now is bratty because it shows self-centeredness. But if they are well off and just making an arbitrary line I don’t think it’s bratty just to ask for more help as long as it doesn’t come off as demanding and also you should be able to take ‘No’ if that’s their answer.
Post # 7
I would strongly advise against going to your parents and asking for more money. They have given you an amount that they are able and that they are comfortable with. I was lucky enough to have my parents help with the wedding but my husband and I were completely prepared to pay for the wedding ourselves if help had not been offered. You are not entitled to their money and if you are mature enough to get married you need to not rely on your parents financially. I don’t think it’s fair to compare what was given to you by your parents and your fiance’s parents. They each get to decide on their own what to give. You mention that you are already aware that your parents are having money problems, I don’t think you would want them to have give up something they really need to get by because you put them in an uncomfortable position where they felt that had to give more than they were able because you asked for it. Sorry, I’m really not trying to be harsh, just give you my point of view.
Post # 8
I know that’s how I was thinking it would come across and I really don’t want it to be that way. Because I am grateful that they can atleast give some money to help out. I honestly wasn’t expecting anything in the first place. But now that I know what they have received from the selling and how much they are giving me, it just seems like it was a little small. Thanks for your input!!
Post # 9
While I see where you’re coming from I have to agree with the other bees. You really shouldn’t say anything. If you are having trouble paying for something you could mention that to your mom but you shouldn’t just come out and “I need more money for our wedding from you”.
Post # 10
I think maybe you can bring up the subject that FIL’s are giving you x amount of dollars, and this is how much you expect the whole wedding to cost, etc.
Once they see that $500 is nothing in comparison to the overall budget maybe they will offer to help with something else. They may just want things to be fair though so I wouldn’t ask for money.