(Closed) I Feel Like I’m Being Bullied Into Giving Oral Sex

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 152
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Sutaru:  Umm… as someone who has actually been raped, I can assure you, no amount of words, mean or not, are anywhere near or approaching the borderline of rape.

You can make your point without hyperbole, and comparing a verbal argument to rape is pretty fucking rude to anyone who has ACTUALLY been sexually assaulted. Literally nothing is borderline rape except….rape. kthanks.

Post # 153
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Borderline rape? He’s not holding onto her head and making her do this, he’s expressing (in a really sh*tty way) what he wants sexually. Lets save the loaded words for the actual scenarios they’re meant to apply to.

Post # 154
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee

@mandypop:  Agree 100%.  He actually gives us all the power.  He is at my complete mercy and control.  Don’t think so?  Get him right to the edge and then stop…  I love that fact that something I do makes him feel so good.  And I am the only one that can make him feel that way.

Post # 156
Member
2811 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@laurana:  My husband told me the same thing.  In fact, he said that this is fairly universal.  This is coming from a 42 year old man.  If you watch porn, that stuff always ends up on their face and that is why.

Post # 157
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@MrsFuzzyFace:  There is only a power dominance factor if you make it that way or want it to be that way. (And some people enjoy having that!)  You can do any act as complete equals if both people have a respectful mindset. 

Post # 158
Member
1388 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MrsFuzzyFace:  Technically you’re both right. Broadly speaking that is. It’s just a way of men literally marking their territory. In the same way that some men are more aggressive during sex and whatnot. Just a man thing.

It’s not really recognized as that though. It’s more of a “norm” now. Men see it in porn. Porn is hot. Therefore men want to splooge on faces and in mouths. Also that blowjobs feel awesome. 

The general consensus is just that it feels good though. 

Post # 159
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

i think its interesting that so many people are downplaying this guys needs in regards to oral sex. this may not be seen as a valid reason to leave for some of you but as a woman whose been in this guys shoes it can be a definite deal breaker.

oral is the only way i can orgasm so when i first dated an ex of mine i made sure to see his stance on the oral issue and he said he was fine giving, fast forward a year into the relationship and i wasnt getting it often, which led to frustration, heart ache and many arguments, my eyes started to wander eventually, i never cheated but the thoughts were there.

to have someone tell you theyre fine with giving only to prove the opposite was a total bait and switch not to mention a sense of betrayal. i was so emotionally invested into the relationship that it was hard to leave but it was either face that i will never be sexually satisfied again or find someone who i am combatible with in every way.

if you want to save your relationship compromise is in order, if this isnt something you see yourself bending on it may be time to re evaluate the relationship.

Post # 160
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

OP, I think you might want to try reading the book the Sex Starved Marriage, and sharing the book with your fiance. It’s a really well-balanced book that tries to help two people understand each other’s sexual needs when one partner feels like their needs are not being met. 

Although I absolutely agree that you shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do, I think it might help you to think about things from your fiance’s perspective. (And for him, reading the book should help him to see things from your perspective, too.) I have the opposite problem from you – my fiance won’t go down on me. He says he’s just not into it, but his refusal to give me pleasure in that way has incredible repercussions for my self-esteem and our sex life in general. It makes me feel embarassed and ashamed, and like he isn’t really attracted to me, and like maybe I’m not really deserving of sexual pleasure since this person I love, who is supposed to love me and make love to me, doesn’t want anything to do with my privates. It’s more than just the physical sensations of oral sex – it’s the emotional connection that it represents. If Fiance gave me permission to go receive oral from another guy, I wouldn’t do it. I want *him* to do it. 

We’ve only been reading the book and discussing it for a short time, but I think it’s helping both of us understand where each other is coming from, and I’m really optimistic about our future. But I would encourage you to do something to try to see this from his perspective. It might make both of you more compassionate towards each other, could help you to reach a compromise of sorts and might just save your relationship. 

Post # 161
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsFuzzyFace:  No, it ends up on their faces in porn because it is erotic, and people get aroused from watching it. 

Thankfully, not all men feel that way, and have no desire to assert power and control over the woman they LOVE.

Post # 162
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@bookworm88:  Perfectly said.

Post # 164
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@the_future_mrs:  Please don’t start generalizing about men and how it’s “Just a man thing.”  All people are different and lumping all men into this category isn’t going to help anyone understand their unique, individual Fiance. 

Post # 165
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Sunfire:  +1.  Fiance would be absolutely horrified if I thought thats what he was after when he asked if he could do that.

Post # 166
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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