(Closed) I Feel Like I’m Being Bullied Into Giving Oral Sex

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 212
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@beekiss:  We definitely don’t always use oral sex as just foreplay.  Oral sex can be foreplay, can be mixed in with all kinds of other things, or the main event!  

Post # 213
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@bookworm88:  I see what you’re saying about feeling awful about your body after an SO quickly getting up to brush teeth, wash hands, etc. But at the same time, if she’s willing to perform oral sex, and as soon as he’s about to cum (like you suggested), remove her mouth and him ejaculate outside of her mouth, then I guess I don’t see what the problem is for him? 

Post # 214
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@bookworm88:  Ok wow!  You explained it 10 times better than I did!  Basically, it feels like rejection or like your gross or something when your partner acts like that before, during or after oral sex.

Post # 215
Member
4394 posts
Honey bee

My comment was directed at no one person in particular.

Post # 216
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@beekiss:  I’m of the opinion that if my man can go down on me and deal with all my drippy mess (TMI) then I should do the same for him.  If he “compromised” and would only go down on me with a dental dam I would still feel unsexy, dirty, gross, etc. because in mind that is the only explanation as to why he won’t just go down on me without it.  Understand what I mean?

Post # 217
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@VegasSukie:  I guess I feel like her level of discomfort is getting ignored.  Everyone is saying that she should just perform oral sex and swallow, and learn to like it, when she clearly doesn’t enjoy giving or receiving.  I would feel pretty awful if my SO threatened to call off an engagement for something like this.  What if she wanted him to perform anal lingus on her and he felt incredibly uncomfortable with it?  Then should he do it out of obligation to stay in the relationship?  Either way, it’s disrespectful.

Post # 218
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mandypop:  smartest thing said in this entire thread. well done!

Post # 219
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@VegasSukie:  Don’t you think all of us who love giving oral so much are going to go home tonight and tell our men how lucky they are that we love giving blow jobs and swallowing their cum so much, lol.  I had no idea so many women were disgusted by it.  This has been very enlightening. 

Post # 220
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@beekiss:  Please don’t misunderstand.  If the OP is not comfortable doing it then she shouldn’t and she should not be threatened or coerced in any manner (I agree her man is being ridiculous).  But I’m responding to the posts that claim that swallowing isn’t important or a necessity or whatever.  Who are ANY of us to say what is and isn’t necessary in our sex lives?  If the OP’s Fiance needs to cum in her mouth to get off/feel loved then that’s valid.  Just as valid as the OP’s needs to not do that. 

I was trying to play devil’s advocate and show how the refusal to swallow could be taken offensively or hurtfully and thought it might be more understandable if I did so from the female perspective.  OP doesn’t have to do it, but she should at least try and understand where he is coming from and he should do the same.

Post # 221
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Sunfire:  Word!  I think all us “swallowers” deserve ring upgrades STAT!!!  LOL!

Post # 222
Member
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Neither of you are right or wrong (although he’s an ass for how he’s going about it). When you date you are exploring how compatible you are together. You have discovered that sexually you aren’t compatible. That is a legitimate reason to part ways. My friend had some sexual incompatibilities with her DH. She thought they were no big deal and he’d get over it. Well he hasn’t and they fight about sex all the time. Which has bled into other areas of their relationship. Little issues get blown up.

It will be heartbreaking, but you will find someone who thinks what you do or dont do is exactly perfect!

Post # 223
Member
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@VegasSukie:   If the OP’s Fiance needs to cum in her mouth to get off/feel loved then that’s valid.  Just as valid as the OP’s needs to not do that. 

You said that perfectly. 

Post # 224
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour

I OP’s man is handling the whole thing wrong – but sexual compatability is a big deal.

If you don’t like giving or recieving, maybe try something else – there are sex toys that simulate the feeling of a BJ that you could use on him. That might help. There are alot of great legit stores online that have good information for their toys.

Post # 225
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ultimately, OP and her Fiance want to feel loved and accepted unconditionally (who doesn’t?), although it seems we all agree that he may be dealing with it in not-the-best way.  

As far as anyone else’s intimate activities go (eg swallowing or not, etc etc), it’s basically irrelevant. Only HE (the FI) can explain to her (the OP) WHY swallowing is important and necessary to him.  Beyond that, we can make all sorts of generalizations and assumptions.

For what it’s worth, a compromise seems in order, but even then a compromise may not be good enough for either of them (sadly).  As another example that maybe the non-swallowers amoung us may relate better to: (hypothetically) if I love having my nipples kissed, but my Fiance had some aversion to that (“that’s where milk comes out, ewwww!”) and offered to kiss the side of my breast instead, I’d be feeling a little ripped off.  The side of the breast is nice and all, but it won’t get me off and isn’t what I clearly asked for.  So we may not understand why swallowing is important to him, but that’s for OP to determine.  And some have posted that it’s about POWER and DOMINANCE (and therefore justify their non-swallowing stance) but in this house, my man would say it’s about LOVE and PLEASURE and ACCEPTANCE.

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