Post # 1
There is just a slew of things to be done tha all seemed to slap me in the face in the past 24 hours. While a lot of my major wedding plans are booked, there are still, as many of you know, countless details to be thought about and decided upon. My Fiance really don’t understand this, once the big stuff was done, he said, "So we’re done, right?" I laughed and said yes at the time because I thought we were, but then then new details popped into my mind or were presented to me by my mom. My Fiance tells me not to worry, we have months, but in reality we don’t. See this summer I’m taking 3 classes, in 3 weeks we’re moving, and I’m preping for student teaching in the fall. I have to take the PRAXIS II next Saturday, and for those who don’t know, it’s a content based assessment for teachers to make sure they know their subject area. Here in Ohio it only needs to be attempted before student teaching, but it cost $$$ so I’d rather pass it. My summer courses are kind of intense because they are condensed into 8 weeks, my first test for one of my classes is tomorrow and we’ve been in session for 2 weeks. Besides trying to study and do homework, I’m trying to pack up our apartment to move accross town. Not a huge deal except I’m not getting much help and we’re downsizing so I’m not sure what we’re going to do with some of our larger pieces of non-necessity furniture. I also am trying to organize my teaching portfolio for review by my college, which is due before August 1st, along with getting my fingerprinting and other necessary qualification taken care of. To top off today, my car’s bearing went out…talk about awesome!
I’m trying to stay level headed but it’s hard, I’m the organizer and the planner between my Fiance and I and I feel like I’m shouldering the bulk of this load. It’s really today that made me kind of break down. I feel almost as if I can’t breath from all the stuff I have to get done. Part of me wants to just cancel the wedding, or at least postpone it until I have more time to devote to it, but Fiance and I planned it this way because we plan on moving out of state after I graduate this fall. We wanted to be home to plan the wedding and have our friends and family attend. At the time I thought it was a great idea but now I’m not so sure. I’m having a really hard day today, so I’m sure that’s where the bulk of this insecurity is coming from. I’m just not sure anymore.
Sorry to rant, I just needed to get that off my chest.
Post # 3
You know what? It’ll be okay. Sometimes things feel f*cked up and crazy and like everything happens at once, then a week goes by, your PRAXIS is over, and you can make a list and be proactive towards it, like I like to do as the main planner. Focus on your test for now and take a break from the rest, then when it’s over, treat yourself to a sprinkle-covered frozen yogurt, some alone time, and then pick up a pen, make a list, and go for it! You can do it
Post # 4
First of all take a deep breath. I know you are totally swamped right now, but it will get better.
Secondly, I would sit down and tell your fiance how you are feeling. You say you are the primary planner in your relationship. But perhaps he could take the lead on some of these projects for the time being.
Just say "sweetie, I know I said we were done with planning, but a few things have come up and I really don’t have time to deal with them right now. Would you mind taking care of X, Y and Z while I finish studying for my exam?"
Or alternatively, you could ask him to take on primary responsibility for packing while you take on primary responsibility for the remaining wedding planning.
Also remember, the big stuff is all that really matters for your wedding. Yes it’s nice to have the little details. But you’re at the point where everything that absolutely must happen is done. Focus on that.
Post # 5
Take a short walk, and take a few deep breaths! I can totally sympathize with your feelings and I remember using a not so nice tone of voice with West Coast Groom on a day where I felt a lot like you’re feeling now (I think I actually said "I can’t bear the entire load of this on my own"). You’d be surprised how much telling your fiance your feelings might help. Even if he isn’t able to help out in a practical sense by taking on duties, he may be able to help in the wonderful ways people who love us can.
I notice that your wedding date is next April. If you really have taken care of all the big contracts/decisions and what you’re left with are details, I promise you that you have time. In my own wedding planning the pace of planning shifted after we had made all those big decisions. Keep a short hand list of details you don’t want to forget about or ideas you have–even just a spiral bound notebook of words jotted down. In November, sit down and start fleshing things out into real monthly To Do lists. Before then, focusing on non-wedding life and congratulate yourself that the big decisions have been made 🙂
Best of luck!
Post # 6
Planning a we;dding at almost any stage of life is crazy and hectic and time consuming and stressful for one reason or other.
It’s really SO important to remember that the wedding is a means to end–being married to the one you love. The wedding is just the party to celebrate it.
Your fiance likely own’t be interested in the details. Try to find out things he might be interested in and either involve him or let him take them over (things like finding a DJ, picking the music, taste testing, picking a menu, and planning the honeymoon). Don’t get discouraged at his lack of enthusiasm and involvement. It’s just not a guy thing to be super involved. They just want to be married to you!
Hang in there! We all have those days/weeks/months where it just doesn’t seem like the wedding will ever come together, like anyone cares, or like you’re doing everything alone. We’re here and going through it all together with you!
Post # 7
Most men are going to have a really hard time understanding that there is work to be done for a wedding that is 10 months away, particularly if you have already lined up the major vendors. For the next few months, I would give him one task to complete each month until the wedding gets closer and he will be more likely to understand why he is working on it.
Post # 8
At least for me, I have to hit rock bottom, cry it out, then organize things to move forward. It will happen. Talk to your Fiance about your concerns. That’s what marriage is about. Sometimes having a different perspective from someone who knows you really well can help you cope with the stress and relieve anxiety. Good luck
*hug for you*
Post # 9
I feel ya on the PRAXIS, girl! I am in the final stages of completing my teaching degree, and that test is just looming in the distance. We moved our wedding up just so we would be married before I had to start studying for that one!
Everything will work out. I know it doesn’t feel that way right now, but if you just sit, breathe, and talk to your Fiance about everything that’s going on in your head, you will feel much better.
Post # 10
The Praxis examines are easier than they lead you to believe. However, i do realize they are expensive. But if you need to at least attempt them before you start student teaching, shouldn’t you at least take one? Have you taken the CBST?
We planned a wedding in 6 weeks. This is by no means to invalidate your feelings. I was lucky in that details are FH thing. And all I had to do was ask.
I would send following the above advice about giving him one task a month, and not ask him everyday if it is done. It won’t be, not until he wants to do it. Save yourself the stress. Get a whiteboard, or a big sheet of paper and write a few tasks down for him, you can keep yours off the list so it doesn’t become a "I did this much, you did this much" and if you have any phone numbers or notes, you can attached them to the sheet for him. He will see it everyday. you don’t have to say a word.
Also, you have been working hard at school and on the wedding planning. Could you take a week and not talk about the wedding at all? same thing every month or even one day or two days a week, not mention anything that is on the list and piling up.
When we started our premarital counseling, which is basically a distance ed program set up by my minster and a friend of his that is working to be a minster. After he read the first book it was amazing to see how he really started to be more concerned about us and our communication. Perhaps, now is a good time to start on that and leave the little details for 5 months down the road.
I wish you the best.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all the support and advice. I did sit down and talk to Fiance tonight, I think that typing all that out kind of prevented me from loosing it. He doesn’t get the whole details thing yet, but we put a list of stuff that’s necessary to do now or within this month. I feel a lot better and it feels like a few pounds have been lifted off my shoulders. I have to say that I’m so happy that I have some place like this to turn to, with people that get exactly what I’m going through. Thanks again!!!
Post # 12
Ah that rat swimming furiously in the pool feeling. I know it well. My supposedly simple little garden wedding seems to get more complicated by the day. Hang in there and take some time to try and relax and visualize a wonderful wedding!
Post # 13
You’re life sounds like mine was about a year ago, so I feel ya! First year teaching (in two different classrooms), taking a full master’s course load, & covertly planning our wedding. Yours is much more stressful as it’s deadline-type planning. But I think your plan of making a list of things that MUST get done this month is a great place to start. I don’t know if you’re like me, but as a teacher I love incremental planning!!
I made a huge to-do list & then split it up into months. Then I put the tasks for the month into a calendar. It took a bit of time, but now I can say "It’s June 4th. All I need to do today is meet the DJ & keep working on the registry so it’s finished by the 12th." It’s saved my mental health. If you want, I’ll send you my templates. Or check out Mrs. Daffodil’s planning schedules – I modeled mine heavily off hers.