(Closed) I feel like I’m drowning

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You know what?  It’ll be okay. Sometimes things feel f*cked up and crazy and like everything happens at once, then a week goes by, your PRAXIS is over, and you can make a list and be proactive towards it, like I like to do as the main planner.  Focus on your test for now and take a break from the rest, then when it’s over, treat yourself to a sprinkle-covered frozen yogurt, some alone time, and then pick up a pen, make a list, and go for it!  You can do it

Post # 4
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

First of all take a deep breath. I know you are totally swamped right now, but it will get better.

Secondly, I would sit down and tell your fiance how you are feeling. You say you are the primary planner in your relationship. But perhaps he could take the lead on some of these projects for the time being.

Just say "sweetie, I know I said we were done with planning, but a few things have come up and I really don’t have time to deal with them right now. Would you mind taking care of X, Y and Z while I finish studying for my exam?"

Or alternatively, you could ask him to take on primary responsibility for packing while you take on primary responsibility for the remaining wedding planning.

Also remember, the big stuff is all that really matters for your wedding. Yes it’s nice to have the little details. But you’re at the point where everything that absolutely must happen is done. Focus on that. 

Post # 5
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Take a short walk, and take a few deep breaths! I can totally sympathize with your feelings and I remember using a not so nice tone of voice with West Coast Groom on a day where I felt a lot like you’re feeling now (I think I actually said "I can’t bear the entire load of this on my own").  You’d be surprised how much telling your fiance your feelings might help.  Even if he isn’t able to help out in a practical sense by taking on duties, he may be able to help in the wonderful ways people who love us can.

I notice that your wedding date is next April.  If you really have taken care of all the big contracts/decisions and what you’re left with are details, I promise you that you have time.  In my own wedding planning the pace of planning shifted after we had made all those big decisions.  Keep a short hand list of details you don’t want to forget about or ideas you have–even just a spiral bound notebook of words jotted down.  In November, sit down and start fleshing things out into real monthly To Do lists.  Before then, focusing on non-wedding life and congratulate yourself that the big decisions have been made 🙂

Best of luck!

Post # 6
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Planning a we;dding at almost any stage of life is crazy and hectic and time consuming and stressful for one reason or other.

It’s really SO important to remember that the wedding is a means to end–being married to the one you love.  The wedding is just the party to celebrate it.

Your fiance likely own’t be interested in the details.  Try to find out things he might be interested in and either involve him or let him take them over (things like finding a DJ, picking the music, taste testing, picking a menu, and planning the honeymoon).  Don’t get discouraged at his lack of enthusiasm and involvement.  It’s just not a guy thing to be super involved.  They just want to be married to you! 

Hang in there!  We all have those days/weeks/months where it just doesn’t seem like the wedding will ever come together, like anyone cares, or like you’re doing everything alone.  We’re here and going through it all together with you!

*Hive hugs* 

Post # 7
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Most men are going to have a really hard time understanding that there is work to be done for a wedding that is 10 months away, particularly if you have already lined up the major vendors.  For the next few months, I would give him one task to complete each month until the wedding gets closer and he will be more likely to understand why he is working on it. 

Post # 8
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

At least for me, I have to hit rock bottom, cry it out, then organize things to move forward. It will happen. Talk to your Fiance about your concerns. That’s what marriage is about. Sometimes having a different perspective from someone who knows you really well can help you cope with the stress and relieve anxiety. Good luck

*hug for you*

Post # 9
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I feel ya on the PRAXIS, girl! I am in the final stages of completing my teaching degree, and that test is just looming in the distance. We moved our wedding up just so we would be married before I had to start studying for that one!

Everything will work out. I know it doesn’t feel that way right now, but if you just sit, breathe, and talk to your Fiance about everything that’s going on in your head, you will feel much better.

(((HUGS!!)))

Post # 10
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

The Praxis examines are easier than they lead you to believe. However, i do realize they are expensive. But if you need to at least attempt them before you start student teaching, shouldn’t you at least take one? Have you taken the CBST?

 We planned a wedding in 6 weeks. This is by no means to invalidate your feelings. I was lucky in that details are FH thing. And all I had to do was ask.

I would send following the above advice about giving him one task a month, and not ask him everyday if it is done. It won’t be, not until he wants to do it. Save yourself the stress. Get a whiteboard, or a big sheet of paper and write a few tasks down for him, you can keep yours off the list so it doesn’t become a "I did this much, you did this much" and if you have any phone numbers or notes, you can attached them to the sheet for him. He will see it everyday. you don’t have to say a word. 

Also, you have been working hard at school and on the wedding planning. Could you take a week and not talk about the wedding at all? same thing every month or even one day or two days a week, not mention anything that is on the list and piling up.

When we started our premarital counseling, which is basically a  distance ed program set up by my minster and a friend of his that is working to be a minster. After he read the first book it was amazing to see how he really started to be more concerned about us and our communication. Perhaps, now is a good time to start on that and leave the little details for 5 months down the road. 

I wish you the best. 

Post # 12
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Ah that rat swimming furiously in the pool feeling. I know it well. My supposedly simple little garden wedding seems to get more complicated by the day. Hang in there and take some time to try and relax and visualize a wonderful wedding!

Post # 13
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You’re life sounds like mine was about a year ago, so I feel ya! First year teaching (in two different classrooms), taking a full master’s course load, & covertly planning our wedding. Yours is much more stressful as it’s deadline-type planning. But I think your plan of making a list of things that MUST get done this month is a great place to start. I don’t know if you’re like me, but as a teacher I love incremental planning!!

I made a huge to-do list & then split it up into months. Then I put the tasks for the month into a calendar. It took a bit of time, but now I can say "It’s June 4th. All I need to do today is meet the DJ & keep working on the registry so it’s finished by the 12th." It’s saved my mental health. If you want, I’ll send you my templates. Or check out Mrs. Daffodil’s planning schedules – I modeled mine heavily off hers.

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