I feel like I'm failing as a mom, because I am.

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
5567 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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snowdrops :  

You are NOT a terrible mother. Not, not, not!

My nephew just turned 11 and he’s on the spectrum with behavior issues. His parents never figured out how to help him, how to guide him. He has problems at school and he has problems at home. It. Is. TOUGH. He also does things just to piss people in authority off.

You mentioned seeing a doctor before, has your son been diagnosed? What about a developmental pediatrician? Is he in school with an iep (a personalized education plan here in the states) does the school provide any services?

You just haven’t found the right way to help him yet and it DOESN’T make you a bad mother, I can’t imagine how horrible you must be feeling.

I would keep trying with different doctors and different therapies. Just keep at it. The more you investigate with professionals, the closer you will be to figuring out what will work for him.

Sending big hugs, you are doing the best that you can, that’s all that you can do, and you’re not a bad mom

Post # 3
Member
5567 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

One thing that stood out too is the physical contact. A lot of times, kids on the spectrum do not like to be touched.

Try to keep in mind that his brain processes things differently. You might be able to get an understanding of how he’s processing things if you start taking him to professionals.

Keep taking him until you find a doctor who you feel can help.

Post # 4
Member
3582 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER! That is the number 1 thing you have to remember. Parenting is hard, parenting a child with special needs is even harder.

I think it is important you find the right doctor or autism specialist to help you. That should be number 1 on your list.

Second – look for some online support groups targetted at parents with autistic children. A quick google search should provide some and get yourself some expert support. Even if it is just a targetted forum where you can ask questions to other parents with children like this. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It can also provide a safe space for you to air these thoughts which I guarantee you lots of other parents have felt.

third – engage with school some more and find out what they are doing / can do to support you both with his education.

fourth – see if you can arrange some respite care. It sounds like you and your DH could really use a break and there is nothing wrong with that. A week or so with him in a specialist care facility just to allow you both to take some time to reconnect and take stock of where you are. I would imagine it would make you feel a 100x better

Sending you huge hugs and support. You’re doing a great job.

Post # 5
Member
5567 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

I also want to say that this could have been written by my brother in law or my sister in law. You are not alone in these struggles, as pp mentioned, there are so many support groups out there for you to connect with people who are going through what you are going through.

The similarities between your son and my nephew are amazing. It’s different because I’m not his parent so I don’t know what you are going through, but I know that you’re not alone

Post # 6
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

You are NOT a bad mom.  No way, nope, nada.  I think you have to find a way to cut that narrative out because you are only going to drive yourself nuts.  I have no helpful advice other than to find a support system with a personal therapist or other parents.

Post # 7
Member
9821 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would keep looking for a doctor that will work with you. And therapy for everyone.

Does he have an IEP or 504 at school to help him stay on task? Does he have any therapies currently?

Post # 10
Member
303 posts
Helper bee

Hey Bee,

First off you are not a bad mom. You’re doing your best! I’d definitely look into finding a specialist for your little boy and a good therapist for yourself and your DH.

Also, I’m not sure if this helps, but the way you describe your son reminds me a lot of a young man my mother once tutored. She’s a specialist who works with students that no one else can teach how to read and had two students for almost 10 years each several times a week. One of them was very similar to your son. Only wanted to watch TV or play on his gameboy. Would routinely scream at his mother when she asked him to do something like put papers in his folder. He was extremely smell sensitive and would shout if someone was cooking in the house while he was getting his tutoring. Etc etc

Hope it’s encouraging to at least know you’re not alone and you are doing your best!

Post # 13
Member
3535 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Bee, my heart goes out to you. No advice from me, just support.  

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