(Closed) I feel like I’m going crazy – Serious – very hard emotionally

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I am so sorry you are feeling so awful and had to post about it as your first post ever here!  I actually did the same thing you did – vented here, and it helped me.  I hope it helps you.  I am sorry your Fiance is making things worse for you.  I have had (and still having) awful experiences with both my own mother and my Future Mother-In-Law.  Have a talk with your Fiance and leave your mom out, if she’s driving you nuts.  I have learned to ignore my Future Mother-In-Law and try to not even talk about the wedding with her.  Your Fiance and you need to talk about what each wants first and then proceed with the planning to achieve what you both wants, or any compromises.  I hope you work this work.. Feel better!

Post # 4
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@bbb – welcome to the hive! I’m sorry you are having such a hard time, and do hope that you can have good experiences to share here in the future as well 🙂

Until then though, I’m so sorry to hear that your Mom and Fiance are pushing you around so much! Have you sat down (with whomever is financially contributing to the wedding) and worked out a budget?

You mentioned that the band will be costing you $8000 out of your own pocket, which worries me, because it doesn’t sound like it’s coming from the wedding budget. When we first started brainstorming, J didn’t understand how expensive ANYTHING would be, and wanted everything. So I worked out a rough budget, gave it to him, and when he’d suggest something that didn’t fit, I made it into a math problem for him: “So if we need an extra $1000 for that, where is that money coming from? Where can we trim a thousand somewhere else?”

It worked really well for him, because he started seeing things as ‘either/or’ instead of ‘yes/no’ and we were able to prioritize what is most important to us, and let some of the smaller things go by the wayside.

 

Regarding your shower, if there’s one thing I’ve heard consistently from former brides after their wedding, it’s that they wish they had let people help more. Maybe relinquishing some of your control in this situation would be good (healthy AND helpful) – let someone else deal with the venue! Then you can focus on something more relevant right now, or relax a little, since wedding planning can be uber-stressful.

Good luck!!!

Post # 5
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

please stand up for yourself!  I had therapy a few years ago, and I found out I’m a huge people pleaser, and bc of this, I tend to attract people that want to take advantage of me…not saying your Fiance is that way, but it sounds like your mom & him both treat you the same way…So, do you think this is unique or is more of a pattern in your life of letting people have their way?

$8K is nothing to sneeze at…my whole budget was $15K!  Maybe you can take a week to slow down & remind people this is your wedding and $, too!  Do they realize how you feel?

Post # 6
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Welcome to the hive!! I’m sorry you’re having such a bad time – you definitely should try to stand up for yourself – especially if you’re the one paying for all of this!!!

Post # 7
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

((Hugs)) You should say something. This is YOUR day as much as it is everyone else’s. If you are paying for it then it’s your say (with input from your FI). I know with families it’s hard to just ignore them or not care what they think, but sometimes we know what is best for us, what we like, what will make us most happy.

This is your (hopefully) once in a lifetime event and should be everything that you want. At this time, it’s okay to put your foot down with those who should have little to no say (everyone else) and really communicate with your Fiance to make this a wonderful day for BOTH of you.

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