(Closed) I feel like I’m going crazy waiting for him to propose…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@allyouneedislove:  Come over to the waiting board! Look under Not Wedding Related at the top 🙂

Post # 5
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I understand how you feel…I couldn’t just leave everything to move in a boyfriend without having a ring on my finger. However, have you two lived together before he accepted his job offer? If you haven’t then maybe he wants you to move in with him to see how you two live together. There are those who believe that it is important to live with a person before marriage or making that commitment to see if you are compatible and won’t kill each other (some living habit drive some ppl up the wall) 😉 Maybe you can look for a job over there and have your own place and see where it goes from there. You really seem like you want to be with him so it wouldn’t be a bad idea to seek any opportunities available to you.

Post # 7
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I completely understand, it is a difficult decision. Maybe it would be a good time to start talking about what you and him see on your futures and if marriage is in the horizon. Maybe hearing him answer these questions may help you make a decision whether to move closer to him but on your own or continue a LDR.

Also, this is another perspective on things: Let’s say you are offer a great career opportunity where your bf lives…would you take it? If you do, you take it because of the opportunity is good and the advantage is that you will be closer to your bf. I guess what I am trying to say if you move closer to him…don’t let it be the sole reason for your move. I would hate to move away from my family, friends, and everything I love but I would do it for a great career opportunity and most importantly, my family would be supportive and be happy.

Post # 8
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

i moved 300 miles away to be with my SO. he was there for university and due to the nature of his work, he has to stay there, so i moved away from my life to be with him.

that was 3 years ago and we’re JUST about to get engaged. but we discussed this openly and talked about where our relationship was heading.

i knew that moving in together was a huge commitment, but i also knew we wouldn’t be getting engaged for 3 years – he felt he was too young, wanted to have a stable job first, etc. and i was happy with that because i both understood his reasoning, and i KNEW he was being serious about it (ie – not just saying we’d eventually get engaged just to shut me up!).

however – we had those chats about how we’d get married there and then if we could. but that didn’t mean that the next day he jumped up to get a ring. guy’s don’t normally work that way.

i usually find that becoming engaged isn’t how it is in the movies, and a guy doesn’t just suddenly realise how much you mean to him and rushes out to buy an expensive ring with all that money he so happened to have saved for this occasion. i find that the couple have a chat. she says ‘i WOULD LIKE (not want) this to happen in x timeframe’. he says ‘i WOULD LIKE this to happen in x timeframe’ and you work it out together.

we have a timeframe of ‘before i’m 26’ which is in September. he’s just bought the stone for my ring because it was going out of stock. and that’s only because i told him he had to be quick. he’s happy he’s done it, but i can’t guarantee he’d have found out that info on his own – because, well, he’s a guy and sometimes they struggle with things like that.

i am SO happy i moved in with him when i did. sure, it’s a huge commitment, but it’s taking the ‘next step’. maybe he wants to see that kind of commitment from you before he buys a ring? it’s not just the guys who have to show willingness in a relationship these days!

i think you should move. if anything, i think it’s good to see if you can live that far away from your family first before you get engaged. i have found it really tough at times, but in these 3 years i’ve learnt how to be apart from everyone i’ve ever known and i’ve made friends and gotten used to it. if we’d have been engaged i wonder if i would have felt claustrophobic at any time.

also – i like that it gives another step of excitement in a relationship! omg we were so excited when we moved in together, and now we’re back to that level of excitement talking about our upcoming engagement. if we’d have done it together, we’d have missed out on having TWO super exciting times!!

Post # 9
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Definitely agree about no ultimatums, but maybe you could have a conversation about the future instead?  I told my Boyfriend or Best Friend I wasn’t comfortable moving in with him until I knew we were on the same page about the future.  I told him I didn’t need to be engaged to move in, but knew that I wanted to get married someday in the near future (I’m in my 30s), and would only make a move with someone who wanted the same.  Then I just asked him what he wanted.  After we talked that through, we discussed everything else at different times:  how long we thought we should be together before a proposal, how long of an engagement we wanted, how soon until we’d start a family, etc.   Then I felt very comfortable and excited about moving in!

Good luck!

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