(Closed) I feel like I'm just in a strange life stage. Just a vent.

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this! 

I don’t mind the baby talk.  I talk about babies a LOT with everyone, and have for quite awhile.  I love kids, and I work with all ages (including newborns recently), so I can hold my own in conversations about kid stuff, issues, pregnancy, etc.  Naturally, everyone expected me to be expecting right after our wedding, which was definitely not the plan!  

I diverted serious attention from my uterus and its (lack of) contents by offering a date that was then in the distant future of when we would start TTC.  That worked pretty well immediately, but that date is coming up this year, and I’m not looking forward to the repeated questions if they come back.  Maybe you could talk about your plans for grad school and get really excited and mention vague things that you and Darling Husband would like to accomplish before turning your body into a grandkid factory?  Maybe they’ll back off if they know it’s not time yet, but you have a plan.

This Christmas with my family and DH’s family, I felt the need to make “I’m not pregnant” announcements at least twice, and I made a point of drinking out of DH’s glass of beer (I usually never drink) to divert suspicion.  Our families are both really great and would be over the moon about a grandchild, but they pretty acknowlege that it’s not their business.  MIL did almost get out her calendar to write down the planned TTC date, but Darling Husband stopped her.  lol.

Work was different.  For a while, I was getting asked if I was pregnant (seriously!) every other day or so.

 Me:  I’m really tired today.  Coworker:  Could you be pregnant?  

Me:  No thanks, I don’t feel like eating right now.  Coworker:  Are you pregnant?

 Me:  That smells good!  Coworker: You pregnant?!

Etc.  It got a bit crazy, and I finally said, “I WILL TELL YOU WHEN I’M PREGNANT!”  Now, the serious inquiries have died down, but the questions still pop up (in jest) at least once a week.  I’m considering telling them when I actually am pregnant by just responding “Yep!”  to one of those joking questions.  We’ll see. 

Post # 4
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@soyjoy222:  I wish I couldn’t relate, but I can. Our wedding was over 2 years ago and we are still waiting. Just not I’m a hurry. I’m 26 and Darling Husband is 27. We are really concentrating on work and having fun and just don’t feel the rush. His parents are great and totally understand but my mom acts like I kicked a puppy. My sis got married over the summer and is pregnant with a surprise baby (they wanted to wait a while) so I’m thrilled to be an aunt in April and extra thrilled the pressure is off of me 🙂

Post # 5
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Looopy:  I made a point of drinking out of DH’s glass of beer…

This is what I do, especially with my family. (We’re big social drinkers at family gatherings & my dad built a bar in the basement, ha). I know that once I have a drink in hand and actually drink from it all suspicion will be gone and everyone, especially me, can relax. They know we’re planning on waiting a few years at least but it still helps when there’s physical proof that I’m not expecting, ie, drinking 🙂

Post # 7
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@soyjoy222:  You are not alone.  You are in the limbo between the wedding and the baby stage.  A few of our parents are definitely in that “waiting for grandchildren” stage and there really isn’t much of a conversation to have about it since we aren’t planning on TTC for at least another year and a half.  Spend this time doing fun stuff with your husband that you will likely not get to do for at least a few years after you have a baby.  Then you will have plenty to talk about that is not all about babies.

P.S. Telling your mom that 28 is the magic number may get her off your back until then.

Post # 8
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s really lame that all people have to talk about is procreation and marriage. There is so much more out there that is interesting and worthy! I’m a big nerd – i’m a scientist – so my circle is very much engrossed in research, new ideas, inventions, and general life curiosity that goes well beyond any conversation about having a baby. I actually can’t remember the last time anyone in my circle (including my family) asked me about kids, and i’m 29. Try bringing up interesting topics that have nothing to do with childrearing and see how that goes!

Post # 9
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Have you tried being up front with your mom about this?  Just tell her you have decided to wait until you’re done with grad school, and that no further discussion is warranted on the subject.

Post # 10
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I feel your pain! Seriously!! Ive been feeling like this for weeks. I feel like my single friends can’t relate to me and that my married friends/family with children are past my stage and I cant relate to them! It is literally so hard to be in the limbo stage between married and children. People do loose interest for a while.

But I am starting to see that for me, it is something missing in myself. Ive had baby fever like crazy and Darling Husband is not ready. So, Ive got to respect that and make myself busy otherwise.

And to me, if I am happy and fullfilled, then others will have more to relate to with me.

What I am trying to say is that it can be hard to live up to others expectations and demands. And it can get you down if  you let it. Take a stand for yourself, and work on finding things in your life (other than baby talk) that can make you happy. I believe that others will follow if they see your happiness. 

Change the subject, find hobbies, and give them other things to talk about!! That’s what I am working on now. Getting myself out of this funk and enjoying being a newlywed!! 

Post # 11
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@beachbride1216:  P.S. Telling your mom that 28 is the magic number may get her off your back until then.

Not always a good idea.  Some people make a mental mark, at that point, that they can now go EVEN MORE NUTS with all the “when are you….?” asking.

I’m 27 and am telling everyone “after 30”, even though we didn’t actually set that as a goal post.  If they start asking right after I turn 30, I’ll point out that all I said was “after”, I didn’t say how long after!

Post # 12
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

I’m 33 and got married in 08 and still don’t want any. Though to be fair I had my first at 19, finished school, got a house, got married—everything backwards. So naturally I sort of want to enjoy life without diapers, and night feedings and stuffy little noses. My husbands wants one NOW and so do the parents, but I’m thinking 38ish if not 40, Talk about a longtime. By then, I think a lot of the mortgage will be paid off and I can quit working if I want to. So ignore them and keep pushing for that degree.

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