(Closed) I feel like im loosing the attraction to DH – HELP! (Few items of TMI)

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 17
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

One other thought – are you on birth control? Sometimes birth control can lower libido. Anti-depressants can cause this too. Just in case it’s not actually sexual/emotional, but perhaps medical.

Otherwise, everyone else has left good advice. Good luck.

Post # 18
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You mentioned fantasies.  Do role play these fantasies? It could be that you are bored. I used to be like that (wild child-just leave kinda girl) til I met Darling Husband. He’s more than a few handfuls. 

Post # 19
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Are you two communicating well? Do you find yourself emotionally fulfilled by the relationship? My sex drive with my husband is INTENSELY correlated to how close I feel to him emotionally. It’s kind of wild, I’ve only recently come to this realization even though it seems obvious. When we go through the motions in our relationship with each other, I have no desire for him whatsoever. When we take the time and energy to open up to each other (even if that means fighting and getting emotional), I desire him much more. I second (third? fourth?) the suggestions to go to therapy. 

Post # 20
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t know if maybe the tips in this article could be helpful.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201207/four-effective-ways-break-out-sexual-ruts

i also remember reading saw hike ago about a way to spice up your sex life. I tried to find the article, but failed. The gist of it was that you and your husband would agree on a number of times you want to have sex a week. Whatever that number is, you put that number of marbles in a container, with an empty container by it. (Somewhere in your bedroom!) You each can take a marble and put it in the other container, signaling that you want to have sex sometime that day. The idea is that having the thought in your head for awhile afterwards imagining when/how you will be doing the deed later builds anticipation and leads to better sex. I thought it was a clever idea.

Post # 21
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Same boat as you honey! And we have the SAME timelines of knowing/marrying.

Post # 22
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Have u tied being a little out there like watching porn while having sex ? Using a toy or my fav. Some pretty hard core spanking.  Maybe , and I dont know but,  that u guys could be too vanilla and your craving chunky monkey? U know? Also maybe go on vaca for a week.. it does help to be apart. My Darling Husband left for a week and its like wow how did u get so hot without changing??  But when u are apart also tey not to talk on the phone.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder is totally true for me. I notice ppl get in ruts whent they spend all every waking moment with each other. 

Post # 23
Member
1224 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Hagakyrkan

I agree that a list is a good idea. I’ve been trhough this, both in relationships that ended because of it, nand those that overcame the issues ๐Ÿ™‚ I found oce that my Boyfriend or Best Friend had not changed  at all, and took that as a sign I was really looking for something else. We are still friends to this day. And when I found in a later relationship he had changed I talked to him about it and he agreed to change back some of the things I missed ๐Ÿ™‚ It later ended for different reasons, but theese things CAN be fixed!!

Post # 24
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’ve felt that way too from time to time. So far it seems to be a phase, comes and goes. 

 

Can you kick start something ie: get really turned on (maybe by reading literotica or watching porn) then start it with Darling Husband and do it doggy style so you’re not looking at him but you’re still getting what you want / free to fantasize… 

 

Go on a few dates together and just have fun and some spark should come back ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 25
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MeganTacky2247:  Has his physical appearance changed? Is he treating you differently? It is unrealistic to think that sex will always be the crazy, passionate lust it was when we first met. However, passion can stay alive if you work at it! We work to keep our sex fun and we are both happy. 

I am obviously not a professional but it sounds to me like there are some deeper issues at play here. Do you resent your husband? Resent being married? Miss the excitement of new love? If you aren’t feeling emotionally connected as a couple, it can be hard to connect physically. 

None of us can answer this question. You two need to sit down and hash it out. Is he feeling the same way? 

Post # 26
Member
5659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly, there are some times, where I look at my husband when I’m trying to get turned on so we can have sex, and I just want nothing to do with him, or the sex. It usually coincides with my cycle and hormones, and it’s definitely not the norm. But I think that relationships, and sex, ebb and flow. But you can certainly do plenty to spice up the bedroom life and try to get back in the groove together!

Post # 28
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MeganTacky2247:  Maybe you need to stop masturbating and fantasising? It sounds like you are not saving your sex drive for your husband. Also, if you focus more on your hubby and not on others then maybe you will start to feel more for him?

 

Post # 29
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MeganTacky2247:  I know exactly how you feel and I’m in the same boat. In my case it’s a matter of my SO’s confidence level with me. He’s highly emotionally stable, but has shown signs of weakness when it comes to being honest with me, and there is NO bigger turn off in my opinion. It makes even his physical appearance annoying to me sometimes in bed. Have you noticed your SO has been doing anything/acting a certain way that turns you off or maybe relates to one of your turn offs? Really hope you can work it out, the feeling sucks!

Post # 30
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee

I’m not married, SO and I have been together for 3 years though. We started having sex 3 months into our relationship and went at it like bunny rabbits for 5-6 months, but then we started having a bit of a dry-spell when we’d gotten back to school because I was really stressed out. Throughout that school year, there would be a week where I couldn’t keep my hands off of him, and then two where I just wasn’t interested at all. 

A lot of our problems are me, as I suffer from Seasonal Affected Disorder, my hormones are always crazy at least 7 days of the month, this is my last year of school, so I’m super stressed, but MOST importantly; I am INCREDIBLY self-conscious about my body. I have gained ~30lbs since my SO and I started sleeping together, and it’s really taken its toll on our relationship. I am often too disgusted by my body to even consider sleeping with him, even though he tells me I am beautiful/sexy, etc. I just can’t “get there”.

Recently I attempted to initiate sex after another dry spell, must be around a month since we’ve had sex by now, and it did not end favourably. It happens, but if you love him, which it sounds like you do. You just have to keep pressing forward, and attempt counselling if you feel it would work for you ๐Ÿ™‚

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