Post # 1
T and i have been friends for a few years now… and she is one of my closest friends and one of my bridemaids… recently she started dating a new guy and she very quickly (within 2 months) moved in with him. anyways…. we used to have girls nights and meet for lunch and talk weekly. lately i havent seen or heard from her and it just makes me very uneasy…. this relationship shes in is very volatile… they are great one minute and fighting and screaming at eachother the next. ive never seen anything like it. a few weeks ago she told me that her bf said that she is NOT ALOWD to go out without him…. um excuse me? wtf? i told her that is not right and he shouldnt be saying things like that to her… then when we do hang out… he creepyily shows up and just watches her…. its super weird and very possessive.
i am just at a loss… im not sure if i should or even can do anything… i dont wanna lose my friend to this guy who in my opinion is a bit unstable and definately extremely jealous (even of T’s girl friends)… opinions?? what should i do/say?
Post # 3
woah. tell her to get out of the relationship and how worried you are. point out that his behavior is not normal, and tell her you’ll always be there for her.
she might get mad at you, but that’s okay. she’ll be back when she comes to her senses. just make sure to let her know that you will be there for her wherever and whenever, and you just want her to be happy. even if she won’t talk to you or doesn’t want to hang out, keep calling every once in a while just to let her know you’re there.
i know it’s awful to lose a friend, but you’re not doing her any favors by sitting back and letting him treat her this way. even if she gets really mad at you and stays with him, trust that she’ll be your friend again, it might just take some time.
Post # 4
@kitzy: the thing is i have…. i told her that its not normal… im like ‘look at my fi… hes fine when we go to lunch, your bf loses his mind when u do anything without him’…. shes like ya but… ya but. all she does is make excuses for him… 🙁 i am worried but she just brushes it off like what hes doing is fine.
Post # 5
I know this is not what you want to hear, but you can’t do anything. What you should do is sit her down, carefully and gently tell her your concerns, assure her that no matter what and no matter when, she can come to you if she needs to. And then that’s it. You CANNOT push it, you can’t demand she leave, you can’t try and point out all the things you think are wrong with her relationship, and you certainly can’t do all those things more than once or twice. The more you insist, the more she will defend herself and her boyfriend, and the more you will actually push her away from yourself (and closer to him) – even though that’s the opposite of your intentions.
I know you’re worried (I’ve been in both your situation AND in hers), but that’s really the best you can do for now. If you find that he is physically abusing her, then you can step in, but at the moment, pushing her about it will only make it worse. This is one of those unfortunate situations where people need to see things for themselves or they won’t be able to ever truly kick the habit.
She needs to know you’re concerned and that you will be there if she needs help. That’s really the best thing a friend can offer her at this point. If you want to talk about it, feel free to PM me, okay? *hug*
Post # 6
@deliciousappleblue: thank you 🙁 its just so frustrating!!!!
Post # 7
@stephanie63087: Believe me, I know.
If it helps at all, she probably DOES know there’s a problem. She could just be embarrassed to admit it, too attached to him to leave, convinced she knows how to manage him or that she can change him, or just too plain desperate and/or stubborn to leave. She’ll come around eventually, but pushing her to make that decision sooner than she’s ready will only make her more determined to prove you wrong. Good luck, hun.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2015 - Marland Mansion or Outdoors
I have been her shoes… I dated a shmuck for 4 years, by the end it was the same as that, I was trapped in an apartment with no vehicle while HE went to hang out with friends all day and made me pay the bills (and i think he was cheating on me) and my best friend was always saying what a shmuk he was, and I knew, but her telling me how to live my life just made me angry at her. long story short she and I quit talking, I dumped him when I’d finally had enough of his crap, and now we are closer than ever! Plus the guy I am marrying now is an angel and she couldn’t find anything wrong with him if she wanted to. I’d just say, try not to get on her case too much about it, she probably knows what an @$$ he is, and eventually either he’ll change for the better (hoping for that is probably why she is still with him), or he won’t and she’ll move on to greener pastures. In the end, if you were patient with her, and don’t alienate her, she will see what a doosh he is, and she’ll come to you to vent, instead of venting to him about how she wishes your friendship was better (which is what I did). Just remember when she is venting, to listen and not to say too much about it… until after they break up >= }