(Closed) I Feel Like I’m Never Going to Be His Bride

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I feel like he’s more concerned getting our own place

for some this is really important – my husbands family is greek and everyone, EVERYONE, is told that they need to have property to set themselves up for their future and all the kids/cousins own multiple houses/investment properties by the time they were in their early 20’s and married but… i would not be happy to hear that i would have to wait another 5yrs until we married and can begin our lives together. 

i would suggest talking to him about why you cant you be married and work together for these goals as partners – afterall shouldnt it be about both of you working together for a future home, not saying you should push him into an engagement but i think a 5yr timeline is a bit much personally

Post # 4
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

A word to the wise, the more you push the more he’ll push back.

He’s partly right, you should move out before you get engaged. Personally, my Fiance and I bought our house, finished school and got good jobs in our fields before we got engaged. We’ve been together almost 5 years and engaged for 3 months. It’ll happen when it happens, just be patient. I know its hard but wouldn’t you rather he propose on his own time rather than be forced into it? If he’s the one it’s worth the wait.

Post # 5
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

As much as it sucks, you should wait for him to propose in his own time. If he proposes sometime soon, after expressing to you his feelings about having a house and career established first, it will just feel like you pressured him into it.

As for the whole “fiance” and “wifey” thing, I went through a similar problem. It hurt me really bad for my SO to introduce me as his “fiance” when we weren’t yet engaged. I had to talk to him about it, and it’s much better now. You really should explain how this makes you feel.

Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@katiebeary: I totally know how you feel, my SO kept saying over and over that his number one priority is to get engaged, and then we did a bunch of other things instead! I’m just trying to bite my tongue at this point and let him propose when he wants to.

Post # 8
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry for your frustration.  ๐Ÿ™

Have you discussed what kind of ring you/he want?  Maybe if he knows that you are ok with a modest ring so that you can be officially engaged he’d be more willing to propose? Similarly, have you discussed how long you’d expect to be engaged?  Maybe he’s worried that once he proposes, a big chunk of “house” money was needed for a ring, then a wedding, and then a honeymoon?

I agree with Calirome.  Talk to him about how you feel with being called his “fiance” or “wife” if it really upsets/hurts you. 

Post # 10
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@katiebeary: It’s been really hard for me lately, we just moved into a new house and I haven’t been working because of a transfer complication and I’ve been feeling ill lately so I’ve been snapping at him more and I feel like our relationship is starting to suffer. To add insult to injury, my best friend got married this past weekend and I just really want to be there, ya know?

Post # 12
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I see 100% where both of you are coming from.  Times are tough and its a tough spot to be in for each of you.  

I would have a super rational (ie: no sobbing and being all omgwhhhhhyyyy dont you want to marrrryyyyyy meee wahhhhhhhhh!!!!)  conversation with him about it – and make sure he knows – rings do NOT need to be expensive!   I hate that women combined with jewelry stores have beaten this concept of spending big bucks being a requirement in to the heads of well-meaning men. I was lucky and inherited a family ring, but we went shopping for a band from the same era (20s) so that it would match, and I saw some absolutely STUNNING vintage engagement rings in the 500-1200 dollar range. No, its not a Tacori or Tiffany, no its not platinum or adamantium or whatever, no its not going to be the size of a baby fist – but instead, it’s unique, it has a history, its affordable, and its just cool to stare at it and wonder where its been.

Post # 13
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@katiebeary: Haha, exactly! How long are you planning on being engaged? For me, since we are going to be paying for our entire wedding pretty much alone, I’m thinking of a two year minimum to save up enough money. I don’t want to compromise on anything because we couldn’t afford it.

Post # 15
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Sounds like a stall tactic to me.  Just being honest.  If he wants to ask you he will on his own.  Don’t force the issue.  My friend did so he did and now it’s been 4 years since and they (he) still haven’t set a date.

Post # 16
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@katiebeary:

ohhhh stubborn boys ๐Ÿ˜›

just make sure, without being overly persistent, that he knows you’re not just saying that. And explain to him in a way that only girls understand – there is a HUGE difference between “cheap” and “inexpensive”

I know its hard… I’m pushing 30 and watched almost ALL of my friends get married first. Be happy for them, stay positive, keep showing your bf why you’ll make a good fiance/wife. 

 

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