- 9 years ago
I am totally in Stage 3 of the Waiting Cycle now. For those who don’t know what I’m referring to, see this thread.
Stage 3 is the following:
Symptoms: abrupt lack of interest in looking at bridesmaid’s dresses, toying with the idea that perhaps he’s not “the one” or you might not be a match since he clearly doesn’t have the same goals/timelines for marriage as you do, thinking that weddings/marriage may be more trouble than they’re worth at this point, thinking that moving/moving in would be a pain in the ass so you should enjoy living separately for as long as you can, air of independence, going to the gym every day and seeing your friends more often (some of Mr Bee’s steps) feel very natural and not at all like a “Plan”
And it came on so suddenly. My SO told me back in January that I need not worry, I won’t be waiting forever because he has ‘plans’ and that it’d be nice to be engaged by next year [conversation initiated by me though, of course]. If I came across a ring I liked, without hesitation, he told me to send it to him. This has happened over the last few months. I even fell in love with an incredibly affordable option and sent it [moissanite]. Then I shut up about it.
I turned 26 earlier this month, and though my SO was incredibly sweet and loving [and we had an awesome day], part of me still felt a little disappointed that he didn’t propose. So I turned my attention to my work [lots of projects, was super busy], and to packing up our place [we moved recently]. But, in the back of my mind, I kept thinking maybe… just maybe… once we got into the new place, maybe it would happen then. What a fabulous start to our 3rd year living together that would be [we’ll have been together 5 years this fall].
Of course, it didn’t.
And now suddenly, I just feel so … apathetic about the whole thing. Not that I don’t care about it at all anymore, because I do. Obviously I love him and still want to marry him and everything, that will never change. I guess it’s more at this moment in time, I just feel like… I’m over it? To me, actions speak louder than words. I guess I’m just growing tired of thinking/hoping/daydreaming about it, getting myself all excited when he tells me to send him pictures of rings, asking what I think of rings in commercials and him making little comments about when we get married, we should do this for our wedding etc… only to have nothing happen. To have nothing actually materialize. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely see the positives in him making comments like that, and actually talking a timeline of sorts, but still. It’s so frustrating that NOTHING is happening. Or it seems as though nothing is happening anyway. I mean, yes it feels so good to hear those things, I love it. Always puts a smile on my face. But at the same time, lately I find myself just getting more and more frustrated/sad internally after each time he says those things and doesn’t back them up by actually going ahead and proposing.
In a way, I’m kind of happy I’m in this stage. I’ve been focusing on myself and just keeping my mind off getting engaged. I even told my SO that I’m feeling more apathetic towards the whole idea. He asked if that was a good thing. I said yes, because I’m feeling more relaxed in a way, being that I’m not concerning myself with when we’ll get engaged/married and I’m enjoying us in the moment, rather than thinking about the future all the time. Because thinking/wondering about that all the time is just plain exhausting .
I know I’ll still be ecstatic when the day finally arrives. Though I do sometimes worry that all of these feelings and emotions I’ve had throughout my Waiting period won’t go away once we do get engaged. But from what I’ve heard, they all go away when he’s on his knee.
I just needed to vent, thanks for listening. I’m happy I let him know how I’m feeling about it though, I’ll let HIM worry/wonder/think about it for a change. :o)
Has anyone else gone through these feelings? I find I go through the various stages in the cycle quite often. But this is the first time I’ve felt this stage so strongly.