(Closed) I feel like I’m the only adult in my relationship

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am like you and do most of the work in my relationship.  Just think of it this way, you will get you want for the wedding and your house!!! 

Post # 4
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@coffeegal85: I read the title of your thread and giggled. I’m sorry. It just seems to be a common thread. I hope things “work out” which I suspect they will…because you’ll handle it all. ::hugs::

Post # 5
3943 posts
Honey bee

@coffeegal85: This happened to us with the joint accounts. He saw how much money we had combined (enough to cover bills and a few fun things, but we arent close to rich), and in his mind we could suddenly buy everything we want. It was frustrating. But we talked a lot and I had a few meltdowns, and I now handle all the finances. Part of the problem is that I am a control freak, I admit that. But I am like you in that Im very careful with my money-pay bills on time, never late with payments, etc. He just doesnt always realize the importance of being financially responsible.

Post # 6
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I hear you! Sorry you’re so frustrated. I wish I had good advice, but I think taking over the management of the finances is your best option, even though it means more work for you.

I handle our finances. We don’t have a joint account, but Fiance gives me money every month and I take care of household expenses and all our savings is under my name. It’s funny, because Fiance owns a business and he’s really great at creating budgets and estimating costs (for our wedding, home renos… etc) But when it comes to actually managing the money – he’s terrible!! So I’m in charge 🙂

Post # 8
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@coffeegal85:  I am sorry that this is so frustrating.  When I read this post I recalled to mind the post you wrote about your fi having dinner with ex in Chicago.  When you add that whole issue of trust and fidelity with financial irresponsiblity, that is very scary indeed.  I would not feel good about being in your position either.  Are you 100% positive this is what you want?

Post # 9
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Even if we get married, I don’t see us ever joining accouts.  It might be because I like being able to buy what I want without him seeing his birthday gift pop up on the display.  That and he had a bad habit of overdrawing things in the past and I really hate those extra fees for bad personal bookkeeping. 

Also, I’m OC about checking and double checking what’s been spent, what’s cleared and how much I have left each month – I’ve lived paycheck to paycheck so long it’s just an ingrained habit.  He checks his account maybe twice a month, and is able to be surprised when he has either more or less moneny than he’d thought.  I’m like, “How can you be surprised?  Don’t you check it?  Don’t you keep track in your head or on paper?”

That said, he HAS gotten way better over the year about being more responsbile – still less attention is paid to things than I like, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say he was way better.  Your Boyfriend or Best Friend might improve, or you might just have to play Money Gestapo with him, OR you could try (if you’re comfortable with this) dumping it all on him for one month and see how bad it oculd be. 

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