(Closed) I feel like my bf is stalling on proposing? Am I tripping?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

It will happen when he is ready and trust me it will be worth the wait.

Post # 4
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@RebelScum:  I think one thing that calmed me down about the whole marriage thing (not saying this will work for everyone) but was looking at the exact reasons I wanted to get married. What are yours?

If there are any issues though, like you honestly, in your heart of hearts, not the crazy wanting to get married side (sometimes we’re all crazy!) thinks that he may be stalling, you may want to try to figure out why you feel that way. I can’t tell you if he is or not. To me, it appears more like he wants you to have absolutely no idea about the proposal, so he’s throwing out different options. Or maybe he hasn’t put that much thought into it either?

Have you set a timeline? Or discussed when you two see each other as husband and wife together?

 

Post # 5
Member
3962 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I feel the same.  And we’ve been together about the same length of time as you (May not April).  Do I think my SO is stalling?  A bit, yes. But we had a really positive chat yesterday, he made no promises but he did admit to being scared of marriage and being a bit Peter Pan like (not wanting to have responsibilities, growing up, etc).  I know it sounds easy, and it’s taken months of attempts to get even this little nugget out of my SO, but you really need to talk to him.  I’ve been in tears many times because I was getting excuse after excuse (and I’m sure I will continue to), but just knowing he’s scared really helped settle my nerves: it’s not me! Good luck 🙂

Post # 6
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

@RebelScum:  If there are financial obstacles, marriage should not be a top priority. If the man is set on a nice ring and a respectable wedding ceremony, do not offer him a “more convenient” alternative (i.e. Vegas or courthouse) as it will appear desperate to him, and ultimately turn him off. 

 

Post # 7
Member
9074 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t think he’s stalling, I just think he has unrealistic expectations.

Post # 8
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

He maybe stalling, or he may just want the best for you.

Just want to add Disney Weddings arent always 100 billion dollars. I anticipate 25k for mine with rings, honeymoon, gifts, and 50 attendies.

Post # 9
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It doesn’t sound at all like he is stalling. It sounds like he has very clear priorities on how he wants this engagement and eventual marriage to happen, and that the two of you have different priorities. You want to be married NOW, he wants to do the whole nice-ring-nice-proposal-special-wedding (even if not a big wedding) thing.  So one of you is not going to get what you want unless you both learn to compromise. Don’t forget this is HIS engagement and wedding too; if it is important to him that he give you a nice ring and a nice wedding, he shouldn’t have to give that up just because you’re in a hurry.

I’d suggest you both put emotion aside for a little chat, and list out what is important to each of you regarding engagement, a wedding, and a ring. This should help you both get on the same page.

Post # 10
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Hyperventilate:  +1

Try to bring him back to reality.

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