(Closed) I feel like my body isn't giving me a chance to get pregnant

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 91
Member
3108 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

The thing is that you are so over the top freaked out about not conceiving in 3 months, and worried that you’ll never conceive etc, you may not be offended easily by things people say but you’re overreacting largely to your situation, so try to put yourself in the position of someone who has been trying for years or has suffered a miscarriage.

Honestly I’m usually the last person that goes out of their way to shelter everyone from certain topics, I believe people are allowed to have their own struggle and I believe people should be able to share their news with others without worry that offense will be taken. In this case though, honestly you have come off as extremely insensitive because you’ve been comparing yourself and your struggle to others, that’s the problem.

You are entitled to your feelings and I fully believe you have the right to feel a little worried or stressed (although I don’t think there’s cause for that yet) but when you pull the “why me” card and talk about others having miscarriages, diagnosed fertility problems etc and compare yourself to them in a way that suggests they are somehow luckier than you, that is what is rubbing people the wrong way. 

Post # 92
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

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katiecat89 :  I got pregnant on the first cycle trying.  Then it ended in MMC.  I’ve been trying to conceive since then for a year.  

A miscarriage is not better than not having conceived at all/even once.  Struggling to conceive and miscarriage are two terribly distinct sufferings that at three cycles in you are not in a position to understand.  

Post # 93
Member
3108 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Now if you’re looking for any actual advice here, you said you may not have had enough sex this cycle. How often were you doing it? Are you using OPKs? As a girl with PCOS that got pregnant on the first try, my only secret other than what I can assume was crazy luck, was having tons of sex. We did it every day for a week during my suspected fertile window and every other day the rest of the month. We were NTNP really, the only thing I did was track my cycle on an app to get an idea of when I might ovulate but used no OPKs, no temping or charting. 

In my previous marriage my ex pressured me to TTC, we tried for over a year with no success, I used OPKs, temping, charting, pre-seed from the very start, but the one thing we never did was have a lot of sex, mostly because I didn’t want to, our relationship was awful and I couldn’t bring myself to want it (whole other story) so we only had sex when I thought I was ovulating. Although he may have had some fertility issues on his end too, I’m not sure, he has been trying for years with his current partner, the asshole blamed me and now blames her as well.  

My doctor when approached about TTC recommended having sex every other day for 2 weeks around your fertile window. A lot of people have no idea when they actually ovulate, and methods to try to determine it aren’t fool proof. I was certain I ovulated in late February, because I thought I had EWCM, and I had spotting on March 3rd which I thought was implantation but based on baby’s measurements we conceived on March 5th, so the spotting may have really been from ovulation. Our bodies are weird and the signs are not cut and dry, like I said before I was convinced my period was coming because of cramps. It’s so easy to see things as pregnancy symptoms or PMS symptoms when that’s what you believe but the reality is, we often have no clue. 

Post # 94
Member
204 posts
Helper bee

TIL 1- if you’ve had an abortion, you don’t deserve to have a baby. 

 

TIL 2 – some people truly don’t have a filter, and don’t know when to stop for their own sake. The hole keeps getting deeper. 

 

Im starting to feel bad for this future baby….I hope it’s father is able to teach it more about compassion and love for others. 

Post # 95
Member
2427 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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katiecat89 :  By definition – insensitive: showing or feeling no concern for others’ feelings. 

When multiple posters have told you that your comments are insensitive, hurtful, misconstrued….yet you continue to write comments and posts trying to justify your previous statements they found hurtful….is insensitive! I don’t care how thick-skinned and straightforward you think you are, the unwillingness to see this is beyond me.

Post # 96
Member
1741 posts
Bumble bee

I can relate to you being upset/annoyed that you haven’t conceived yet, even if it’s only been 3 months. I don’t think that anyone would fault you if were venting and just left it at that, but speculating that you may be dealing with infertility & comparing yourself to others is where you lost me (and many many others apparently).

1) I have PCOS. I’m not one of the “lucky ones” who got pregnant on their first try. I’ve been trying for over a year (keep in mind this is only my 7th cycle because they are looooooong. Along with my annoying superficial symptoms (acne, body hair etc.), PCOS also puts me at an increased risk of miscarriage- of which so far, I’ve had two. Not to mention that once I’m done with TTC aspect of things, I have to deal with PCOS for the rest of my life, which puts me at a higher risk for diabetes, heart disease, uterine cancer, etc. Would you still rather trade places with someone with PCOS who was so incredibly fortunate enough to get pregnant on their first try than have to TTC for 4 whole months?

2) Eerily, I also have a drug addicted cousin who has managed to get pregnant- three times (that we know of). Her first pregnancy ended well into her 2nd trimester due to pre-eclampsia, and she almost died. Her second she had an MC. Her third, she was blessed enough to carry to term and deliver a healthy, beautiful girl- who was immediately taken away by CPS, and later adopted. Have I been jealous that she can get pregnant, meanwhile I’m living drug-free doing everything I can to get & stay pregnant? Sure. Would I want to trade places with her? Hell no! The amount of pain and suffering she’s had to endure.

I’m not at all trying to attack you or be rude, but you’ve really struck a nerve here with me and I hope that by reading my own, and some other ladies stories, that it can help you gain some more perspective. 

Post # 97
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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katiecat89 :  just because you have conceived once, doesnt guarantee you can twice. My SIL has a happy, healthy 4 year old right now, and for 3 years she has been taking fertility drugs and failed IVF cycles (not to mention the $$$$$ that costs) & she cannot conceive again. Every single case is different because everyone is different. 

It took me 11 months to finally get a BFP. The month I conceived was the one and only month I didnt pay attention to my fertile week or anything else at all to do with TTC. I just relaxed, and it finally happened. Honestly giving up after 3 months kind of makes me think you are being really unrealistic about the world. I hope you dont also think when you do have a baby that life will be rainbows and butterflies as well. 

others have mentioned that even if you do everything right, your chance of conceiving any given month is 20%! when it does happen to people first try, it is very uncommon. 

Im not even going to address the other things you have said, well because i dont have the time or energy. But seriously, get a grip! Clearly you dont want to become pregnant that bad if you are giving up after three cycles.

I can understand being upset, but not giving up already. Why not try NTNP?

I know there is one bee here who has been trying for 4 years and has a few alongside her that have been trying for years.. dont compare yourself to others, its worthless. 

Good luck on..whatever.

Post # 98
Member
3877 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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katiecat89 :  I’ve just started spotting today and am getting AF tomorrow too. On my birthday. On cycle 29 of trying. On our last cycle trying naturally before starting IVF next month. And I haven’t given up yet! I would advise you to relax and stop obsessing about it or it’s going to be a very painful ride. Take some time to NTNP. I’ve had to learn to not be obsessive, stop testing before AF, and that it’s something I can’t control. Once you accept that you are not in control and no amount of stressing and obsessing will help you conceive it becomes a lot easier to deal with. Try for a while, and if it doesn’t work after like a year you can take the next steps. I will get my baby and you will too. Don’t make yourself crazy in the process. I know it’s hard, but there is always someone who has it harder! And it helps me to count the things I’m grateful for every day. Good luck.

Post # 99
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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pinkshoes :  I was ALMOST starting to feel bad for her until she posted about being “sick” over her heroin addict cousin getting pregnant. Giving up after 3 months? My goodness. Nothing worth it in life comes easy!!! Toughen up and keep trying! Don’t bash others just pray for your own miracle. 

Post # 101
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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katiecat89 :  What made you mark your ovulation days? Are you temping? Using OPKs? You should swtich to Fertility Friend instead of the Ovia app.

Look, you can be doing everything right, BD’ing all throughout your fertile days and still not get pregant. I am on month 5 of ttc. Trust me, I am doing EVERYTHING “right”. I was freaking out too after the first 3 months, saying, why the heck am I not pregnant yet!? But you know what, the more time that goes on the easier it is to relax. I am wayyy less stressed in month 5 than I was in month 3. You need to accept the process for what it is and just keep trying. 

I just keep telling myself that each month that goes by, its one month closer to when its going to happen. Whether its by conceiving naturally, through IVF, or even though adoption. One day I WILL be a mom.

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