Post # 1
So I just got a call from my aunt asking me in we ‘forgot’ to invite two of my other aunts to the bridal shower. I had to explain to her that for financial reasons we weren’t able to invite everyone to the wedding (and therefore the shower). My father comes from 8 and my mother comes from 10. With kids/ cousins that would have been more than my entire guest list (50). My father was supposed to contact them over a month ago to explain things, but never did. I just feel terrible about it, second guessing my decisions to have friends there instead of family. I feel selfish too like should I have sacrificed quality for quantity? My cousin got married a few years ago and was able to invite everyone, but had a very budget wedding – plastic plates and homemade food. Not that I’m saying there is anything wrong with that, but I really wanted my wedding to have a classy, elegant feel, and you pay for what you get! I’ve still sacrificed a ton of things bc we ARE on a budget. I don’t want the family that does come to look around and think, well she didn’t need all this, she didnt need the ceremony musicians (students btw), the china, the expensive caterer… Everyone could’ve come if she wasn’t being so selfish. Is it so wrong that I want my wedding to have a certain feel, a certain level of quality? Does this make me a bad person? I just feel like such an ass!! I knew this confrontation was somewhat inevitable, but if my father had contacted them it could’ve been handled better. It just sucks. I’m so excited and happy to be marrying my Fiance and I don’t want our wedding day to be tainted by this 🙁 🙁
Post # 3
How many more people, and therefore how much money, would it be to include your family?
Post # 4
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting a certain feel to your wedding, but at the end of the day I think the people who share it with you are more important than the “things.”
Post # 5
@Weetzie: I think you should do what you want. Every wedding is going to have people that are not happy with what you picked and it’s just too bad people can’t just be happy for you. I think if that’s your vision then you should get it, you shouldn’t sacrifice because people you aren’t close to think you should invite them.
Post # 6
I don’t think you’re being an ass at all. Cuts need to be made and people just need to understand this. I had to deal with the same thing and it wasn’t easy, but I believe in quality over quanity. My other excuse is that I have never heard of anyone, outside of my little sister and mother, that are actually excited to go to a wedding. So I’ve been telling myself they don’t really want to have the hassle of going to a wedding anyway.
Post # 7
You’re not an ass. No one is entitled to an invite to your wedding just by virtue of being somehow related to you. I personally only invited two of my five living aunts/uncles, because I have no substantive relationship with the others. Don’t let anyone guilt trip you because you didn’t want to serve people on paper plates.
Post # 8
@peachacid: it’s a tricky situation bc I can’t add more ppl from my dads side without adding the same amount from my mothers side – almost twenty ppl total, so around 2000$. We just don’t have it 🙁 I know that doesn’t seem like much to some ppl, but it is for us.
Post # 9
Do you really want all your aunts and uncles there? I feel like the answer is no, since you didn’t find a way to make sure they were invited. That is okay. You should be able to share the day with the people most important to you.
However, when it comes to family, if they are close, be careful about the way you say things so you don’t cause family rifts.
Post # 10
@Westwood: I chose the people I wanted to be there, the ppl that are important to me, and they are going to be there. I also want certain ‘things’ at my wedding, yes. Your response and the judgement implied is exactly what I’m worried about. I never said that things were more important than ppl. The important ppl, the ppl who are an active part of my life, are going to be there. If I had to eat off of paper plates to have those ppl there then I would, but I don’t.
Post # 11
@Weetzie: I do understand where you are coming from…but at the end of the day family is worth way more than fancy plates or decorations…I think THAT realization comes with age though…I have been around the block a couple of times;)
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
Family gets really bent out of shape about things like that. I totally get what you’re saying about keeping numbers low to maintain a certain feel. You can’t please everyone.
Sigh. I wish people wouldn’t take it so personally but they do. If you can squeeze them in, great … if not, they will get over it (hopefully)!
Post # 13
@Weetzie: If relatives you are not close, and they get offended that you could only have the wedding you wanted by budgeting this way, then I would say they are the selfish ones.
Do your thing. It’s not a family reunion. Don’t feel guilty for thinking about you and what you want on this special day that celebrates you and your partner. It’s not just “things”, it’s an experience.
Post # 14
@Weetzie: If you aren’t close to these people, they shouldn’t be at your wedding. I don’t care who ya are. Family, friend, co-worker.
Have the wedding you invisioned with your original, small guest list!
Post # 15
you didn’t invite them for a reason, so no, don’t feel like an ass.
family doesn’t trump friends. closeness trumps anything else.
Post # 16
@Weetzie: We went through this too. I respect your decision, but we did not make it. We could not imagine seeing our aunts and uncles every year knowing we chose steak over having them there. We are having a wedding that is twices as big as I want because I want to have a great relationship with our family. You chose an amazing wedding, which is fine. But own your choice– you chose X over Y. You have to explain that you your aunt and uncles. There isn’t a right or wrong way, but own your decision.