I feel like the novelty of a wedding is over in my friend group : (

posted 4 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

A common message that I see on the bee is that no one cares about your wedding much as you do.

Your friends are at a different place in their lives right now, and it IS a big deal to leave the kids overnight.

I was engaged before and I was so excited at the thought of a wedding, I thought about it all the time, was excited to plan, plan, plan.

Now I’m engaged again (the other relationship did not result in a wedding) but we have a toddler together. It’s COMPLETELY different when you have a kid. My mind is on us and our girls, and I have less excitement for my OWN wedding planning because my priorities have completely changed.

I understand your disappointment but your friends shifts in priorities seems completely normal to me.

Post # 3
Member
9177 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Like my dad used to tell me when I was a kid: life isn’t fair.  

It really does suck that your friends aren’t able to be as excited and involved in your wedding as you were in theirs.  That must feel shitty.  But, they’re parents now, and kids take up the majority of parents’ time and money and energy.  Their priorities have just shifted, and that’s normal and expected.  It doesn’t mean that they like or value you less, it just means that their ability to spend time and money on you has been reduced.

Post # 4
Member
3659 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Your friends have different lifestyles and different priorities than before, thats life. I wouldn’t have been thrilled to attend an optional overnight bachelorette party while leaving my child either but I’d simply decline if it was too much of an issue. An upgraded kitchen and baby carriers are not comparable to being in someones bridal party and honestly what that person chooses to do with her money is not your business. You might need to lower your expectations here.

Post # 5
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee

weddinggirl2009 :  That’s the problem when people have kids. 

But don’t fret. Atleast you will look young in your photos, unlike myself at 41. 

Post # 6
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

Another thing to remember is that you are hearing all this complaining because you are the bride and in charge. For all you know, their could have been lots of complaints about others weddings…but you didn’t hear about it because you weren’t the bride. 

Another thing to consider: maybe your friends simply aren’t good friends. 

Post # 7
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this bee!

i can’t exactly relate, but do know what it feels like when you feel like your friends aren’t as excited as you would have hoped. I’m the first one in my group to get married and am the only one with a child – so I feel like nobody is trying to be involved or can relate to me very well. 

Maybe gently remind them of all the fun you guys had when they each got married and tell them how much it means to you that you spend some girl time with them before you get  married!

I hope this helps!

 

Post # 8
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

weddinggirl2009 :  aww, bee I’m sorry! I’m 32 and get it. It sucks when it feels like you put forth effort and excitement for them and they can’t be bothered to do the same for you. Yes, they are in a different place in their lives, but if they’re good friends they should still be able to be excited for YOU and the place you are in your life. I hate how readily people excuse self-centeredness with the statement “people have moved on and are in a different place in their lives now.”  Because that’s exactly what that is, self-centered. It’s totally possible to be in a different place but still be a damn good friend. I’m sorry that your friends are being shitty );

Post # 9
Member
4154 posts
Honey bee

weddinggirl2009 :  I know it sucks, but it’s part of life. Being the same age doesn’t mean that your friends are at the same point in their lives. And honestly you lose a little sympathy from me by pointing out that your friend has the money to redo her kitchen but not buy some crap dress she’ll only wear once (not saying you picked a crap dress, but honestly ALL bridesmaid’s dresses are overpriced crap that sit in your closet for years) – you don’t get to dictate how she spends her money. She has different priorities than you. As for the bachelorette think of it this way – 5 years ago you all probably went out to bars/clubs on a regular basis and it was fun, but think now when the last time you all did that? If it’s been awhile then it’s probably because they no longer think those activities are fun – it’s not a dig on you and your bachelorette, but their tastes have changed. 

Post # 10
Member
702 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sorry for you and I can relate. I was also was one of the last people to get married out of my college friends, and they definitely did not spend nearly as much time, energy, or (frankly) money on my wedding and pre-wedding events as I did on theirs. None of them even went to my bachelorette (which was just one local night out). I had honestly thought they’d remember what I did for them and try to reciprocate, but that wasn’t the case. However, they did still all seem happy for me and attend my wedding, and I feel like that’s really all that matters in the end. I have learned that when people are on the parenting stage of their life they will usually just not have as much time, energy and money for their friend’s weddings and pre-wedding events.  

Post # 11
Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

catskillsinjune :  

It’s not self centered. At all. You can be there for someone and not feel up to attending a bachelorette party.

It’s not being a shitty friend, that’s actually pretty offensive.

People move on and grow apart especially when they are experiencing different things in their lives, it doesn’t make them shitty people.

Post # 12
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

weddinggirl2009 :  I got married at 38 and the energy at 28 is very different. However, I didn’t want to do much of the typical pre-bridal stuff. My career is demanding and I balanced wedding stuff and my other “life” stuff during my engagement. My MOH lived in another state and she and her DH had their second baby during my engagement. I was thrilled because we had a birth and wedding to celebrate! I went to see her after the baby was born and we did some wedding stuff while I was there. She also came down to Texas to dress shop with me (her choice) early in her pregnancy.

Your friends have moved to a new level in life and they have that right. Maybe you can find out their budget, and let them plan the bachelorette party, etc. Respect their boundaries and set fair expectations. If they are too negative, ask them if it is a burden… If it is, they don’t “have” to be in your bridal party. 

Take my words, you will have support and excitement from people you least expect during your wedding planning. Focus on the people who are happy and excited! Congrats!

Post # 14
Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

weddinggirl2009 :  

Maybe she is poor because she just redid her kitchen… or maybe the kitchen was redone using financing for monthly payments.

I think you’re not getting a lot of sympathy because you are putting so much emphasis on how she’s spending her money and how it’s not being spent on your wedding. That’s not something a lot of people can sympathise with because it’s really judgemental.

You did all of those things for her party and birthday wise because you WANTED to, not because she should reciprocate.

You have to stop looking at financial contributions as a determination of their support and excitement for your wedding.

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