Post # 46
I’m all for friendships not being tit for tat but honestly there isn’t any (healthy) friendship that doesn’t include some sort of reciprocity. So the whole “do things without expecting anything in return” schtick is nonsense unless it’s the committed relationship between soiled feet and a doormat
Post # 47
I can so relate to this. I just got engaged and am one of the last to get married in my friend group (and I’m 27 years old). The majority of my friends have gotten married in the last 2-3 years and are in the stages of expanding their families. I am already thinking that I won’t be able to do a bachelorette weekend becasue I know they won’t want to leave their kids, but I’m hoping they’ll at least do one night away. It honestly just sucks to feel like none of them care, especially after being really excited for them when it was their wedding. I have read on here that no one is as excited for your wedding as you are. And I know that is true for everone. I know my friends are happy for me, they just have different priorities in life now. I try not to take it personally and share in the excitment with my fiance to make me feel better about it.
Post # 48
I’m just an old shrivled up 47-year old so what do I know?
But, this is my SO’s first marriage, my second, and all of his friends are tickled pink. Mine are all about their own families and are happy for us, but aren’t as excited as they were when I got married in my 20s.
Post # 49
I can totally relate. I just had my bachelorette party and 2 people came and we ended the night pretty early. All I was asking for was a night out in the town we live in. My one friend was supposed to come but never showed up and the next day I got a I’m so sorry text her daughter was sick and she couldn’t leave. I don’t think she knows her daughter has me on her snapchat and was snapchatting her slumber party she was having. So not only did she not come she LIED about why not. Yes no one will be as excited for your wedding as you but its not outragous to want your friends to share in your excitement, like I’m sure you did when they told you about all their life events.
Post # 50
Thank you! It is comforting to hear other people having issues with this as well. I am sorry that happened to you. I am not trying to sound selfish but I feel like everyone is full of excuses. I am not asking for the world. We are doing a bachelorette close by with staying over being optional. The place is only like 40 minutes from where we live so people could stay over at a hotel my sister reserved or like just drive home if they want. I think some people are coming. However, a few girls that I went to theirs already said they are not going and it just hurts. The girls that arent going I went to theirs. It just hurts my feelings. I am not looking for the exact treatment or tit for tat but I would kind of expect some of these people to make an appearance and stay for an hour etc. The people who complain about being away from their babies I get it but like It would be nice if they kept that to themselves and just do what they can do and not worry me with it. I guess I just feel like its unfair and I am under a lot of stress and it feels like nobody cares etc.
Post # 51
You are not shrivled up LOL I bet you are looking great.
Post # 52
Just wanna say I don’t think you need to defend yourself here. <3 It’s perfectly okay to have hurt feelings and posting on these boards is good therapy. Your day is a big deal and it can be hard to not feel like you can share that joy with your favorite people! I have shifted the people I talk weddings with a little bit and find that some friends love it, while others don’t have as much time. I think it’s hard, but I bet there’s someone in your life that would love to chat with you and talk about all the details!
Post # 53
Thank you! This is very helpful. It is so hard. I feel attacked by some of these posts etc.
Post # 54
I can relate OP
SO and I are hoping to be married early next year. We were actually hoping for late this year but had to postpone.
of the 4 girls who I would have in my bridal party, one is a mom, two are pregnant, and the fourth is planning her own wedding about a month or two for before when I would have mine so is (understandably) stressed.
One of my pregnant friends is my best friend, I was her Maid/Matron of Honor, she’ll be mine… I went all out for her wedding and I know she’ll do what she can but she’ll be a NEW mom when it comes time for showers, bachelorettes and wedding day stuff. Any idea of “no kids” has been thrown out the window since two of my bridesmaids will be breastfeeding.
When I found out they were pregnant, I had a few minutes of feeling sorry for myself for being “behind” my friends… then I realized that things like the bridal party night before sleepover, or the raucus weekend long bach that I’ve done for my friends is unrealistic…
It hurt, sometimes I’m sad I won’t have that, but it is what it is. I’m getting two adorable nephews out of the deal, and having been a bridesmaid several times.. honestly don’t want to make my girls do some of the ridiculous things I had to do for them.
You can have a pity party, but there’s nothing you can do to change it. Roll with the punches and focus on the other things that will make your wedding great
Post # 55
It sounds like these girls are not being good friends. I understand it is hard when you have children but it should not stop them from completing their responsibilities as bridesmaids or good friends. I feel really sorry for you. Some people are in their own little worlds with their children and how it looks from the outside. My mother calls it baby brain. I hope they pull themselves together and help you. Some of these comments seem really out of line. We should help each other not bring each other down. Some of you bees need to think what it would be like in this person’s shoes. It sounds like you tried to keep things responsible in my opinion with the cost. I also do not think one night out is too much for anyone. It just needs to be planned prior. I don’t think these people should be complaining considering what it sounds like you have endured. I guess that’s my opinion.
Post # 56
I am MOH in my best friend’s wedding and she is experiencing a very similar situation. And we’re only 27 and 1 of 5 girls has a baby.
I got married when I was 25 and felt a *little* bit like people didn’t care.. but ultimately chalked it up to “no one cares as much about youe wedding as you do” and got over it. My Maid/Matron of Honor was very unhelpful and actually caused me a LOT of stress during my wedding planning, but I found out later she’s been battling OCD and bad anxiety for a long time.. so I felt bad for hating on her and never confronted her re: my disappointment.
Now that it’s my best friend’s wedding, I am forcing myself to care. I don’t want to hold back my support just because of how she treated me at my wedding.. However her bridesmaids (who were also in my wedding) are totally “not into it.” I feel bad!! No one wants to spend money on anything, and the bachelorette will be local and 1 night unlike mine which was 2 nights out of town. TBH my friend IS being a bit of a bridezilla (she doesn’t want any part in planning but insists we do things her way) so I think that’s why my friends are uninterested and annoyed.. But also it has to do with them wanting to spend money on themselves (going on vacations, buying new cars etc) as opposed to their wedding. BUT I totally think people should spend their money how they want to, and you can’t judge someone for choosing to spend money on their kitchen/baby over you.
But I think if you’re friend cared that much, they would consider prioritizing their finances.. or they would at least offer somehting else to show they care at least a little.. I don’t have a baby, but I have a LOT going on right now (work 40+ hours a week + a 3 hour commute, have to take care of a puppy myself cause my husband started a job out of town and is only home on weekends, also doing extra school online, just sold my house and moving a week before my friend’s Shower..) but i’m still making time for my friend, routinely textng her to ask how wedding planning is going, and coordinating everyone for the wedding duties etc.. I have a busy life, but I still care about her friend and appreciate that this is her special time.
Post # 57
No one will care about your wedding as much as you do, at any age. Unfortunately thats the way the cookie crumbles when you’re the last of the group to get married.
I can tell you that at 32, I have no desire to be in any more weddings. I’m sort of over it, and all the hoopla that comes along with it. Thankfully all of my friends are married, but I do have a sister who is 18 so I know her day will come eventually. It boils down to the fact that the older you get the busier your life is. I have a business to run, I’m trying to start a family, etc. We all have different priorities and life doesn’t stop or revert back becuase someone is getting married.
I can tell you that I’m also the last of my group to have a baby. My friends are either done having kids (they all have school age kids) or a couple that have babies and will likely have 1 more. I full know that by the time we finally have a successful pregnancy it will not be that exiciting or a big deal to most of my friends – and I’m ok with that. That’s life.