Post # 1
Member
44 posts
Newbee
I’m getting married in May,it’s an overseas wedding and at first I thought about hiring a professional to help me take care of everything but since my mother is living in the country where I’m getting married she offered her help and I thought it would be better that way but it’s getting out of hand.I love my mother but she turned my wedding into this huge thing,we already have more than 500 guests and I don’t know half of the people that are on the list,they’re basically her friends,co-workers,family members that I have no contact with at all.I’m her only daughter and I understand that she wants to show everyone my big day but I think it’s getting a little out of control.Unfortunately I feel like I can’t complain because she’s the one who’s paying for the reception (along with my fiance’s parents),we are paying for everything else.I accepted to get married in a big venue because that had always been my dream but now I feel like it’s not my wedding anymore,I’m just a part of the whole circus and I don’t know what to do.It’s hard to plan a wedding when you are in a different continent.
Post # 3
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
@Ashleigh24: Wow 500 people???? I would go out of my mind. And that is a LOT of thank you cards to send out after, lol. Is that a cultural norm where she is? Anyway if the invitations have already gone out then there is not a whole lot you can do at this point. But if not, then you need to talk to your mom about how you are feeling. Let her know that you appreciate all she is doing, and you absolutely want her to have some people there that she is friends with, but that its past the point of excessive and its making you uncomfortable.
Post # 4
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
As long as she’s paying and they fit in the venue who cares? I’m having 350 and don’t know many but would be fine with 500 if the venue fit them. My motto is the more the merrier! But if you really dint want them there just talk to your mom.
Post # 5
Member
44 posts
Newbee
@FutureMrsJohnston: It’s not a cultural norm,she was just so happy that she ended up putting every single person she knew on the list.The fact that I have a really big family back in Europe contributed to this,just my side of the family is almost 60 people but there are other family members that I wouldn’t mind not inviting because I only saw them once or twice in my life but since my mother is paying I don’t feel comfortable to complain about it.I guess I will have to follow MrsN14 motto and go along with it but it will definitely feel very impersonal,that’s my only concern.We haven’t sent our wedding invitations yet and of course I can always try to talk with her but I feel this pressure to please my mother,she has always done so much for me,it may not seem like a big deal to some but I would like to know who is going to my wedding,I don’t want random strangers that I have never seen in my life at my wedding just for the sake of it and we have already spent such an insane amount of money on our wedding,now we have to add up the 500 thank you cards to the expenses,I also don’t want my mother to get in debt but she’s unstoppable.
Post # 6
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
@Ashleigh24: I know how you feel, I had to send out a bunch of invitations to relatives who I barely know and probably wouldnt even recognize if I ran into them on the street. But they all RSVP’d NO. Part of it has to do with the fact they would have to travel though. So although she is inviting 500 people, you may not get nearly that many to actually show up. I would still talk to your mom though, bring it up gently and hint that you wish your wedding was a little more initmate.
Post # 7
Member
4703 posts
Honey bee
Yikes. I can imagine you feel overwhelmed.. but as you mentioned she’s paying so technically she can invite whoever she wants. Although, one would assume this didn’t mean everyone she’s ever met!
On the upside, perhaps a lot of people may decline? If not, deep breathing may help?
Post # 8
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
unfortuately that is what happens when parents help pay. they have more say and you don’t always get what you wanted.
just try to remember the real reason for the day and just focus on marrying your SO
Post # 9
Member
44 posts
Newbee
Yes,I’m hoping a lot of people will decline but I’m sure most won’t,they live all in the same area,they won’t have to travel,just show up.I understand I can’t do much since I’m not paying for it,I didn’t ask her to pay for it though,our parents were the ones who insisted on paying and my mother always said she wanted a real big wedding for her only daughter.My fiance doesn’t even care about this issue,it’s easier for him because all he had to do was buy a suit and he’s paying for the plane tickets of some of his family and friends,he says the most important thing is that he’s getting married to me,I hope he doesn’t changes his mind as soon as he enters a church crowded with 500 people
It also makes me feel bad that he has like 30 guests while the others are all mine,of course the fact we’re getting married in my country makes it impossible for all his friends to come to the wedding but the whole issue still bothers me a litttle.
Post # 10
Member
1233 posts
Bumble bee
Maybe you can have an intimate shower/jack and jill party/rehearsal dinner/or day-after brunch? Something affordable and intimate, with just the people you care about most?
Post # 11
Member
44 posts
Newbee
@canadajane: We’re having a dinner after our honeymoon but that’s mostly for some of his family and friends who can’t go to the wedding.We have already spent so much money on our wedding,I saw a topic on this forum asking how much are you spending on your wedding and after checking out everything I came with the final amount of $108,642 not including the honeymoon like I said on the topic,I would love to do what you suggest but I really don’t want us spending any more money :/
Post # 12
Member
1233 posts
Bumble bee
@Ashleigh24: I don’t know how big your mother’s home is…but pizza/chinese takeout and wine for your bridal party/parents shouldn’t be too expensive, no? Some people might say that’s not “classy” enough for a wedding-related event, but it’s about spending some quality time with your loved ones, not spending cash you can’t aford…
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