(Closed) I feel my future in laws are not being sincere.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You know, I am starting to think that maybe it is unrealistic for us to expect everyone to always get along. I have experienced issues myself with the future in laws. What is important to remember is that you don’t have to be good friends, but you do need to be able to act cordially with them. They raised your fiance to be the man he is today, so hopefully you can find some of the good qualities you love about him in them. Also, yes it is terribly immature if they are making snide remarks about your family, but try to give them the benefit of the doubt. They could be going through personal difficulties you are unaware of.

Speaking from experience, it really works in your favor if you can pleasantly interact with your mother in law. (Again, you don’t have to meet for weekly mani/pedis, but being able to attend family dinners and make nice is important!) My mom and sister in law do not get along at all (to the point that they literally had a fight screaming at each other last Christmas, and haven’t spoken since) and it has put my brother in a nightmarish position. Nobody wants to put their spouse through that if it can be avoided. So I hate to say it, but try to bite your tongue and then come and let it all out on Weddingbee! 😉

Post # 5
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@chocolatecoveredstrawberry:  Gives excellent advice.  I myself don’t get on particularly well with my Future In-Laws…for much the same reasons as Tatina. Our family backgrounds, and my life, has been very different to theirs.  I’m in my mid 40s now, and therefore not as easily put off by the notion that I will never be that close to them.  ‘Pleasant enough interaction’ with my Future Mother-In-Law is probably the best I can hope for in the future.  

I’d try and remember that if they are talking negatively about you, it says far more about their lack of manners than anything else, particularly if you’ve never given them any reason to do so.  

Post # 7
48 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

@tatina:  I’m sorry to hear that you are having difficulties with your future in laws.. you sound very respectful, and perhaps your mother in law just needs some time to adjust to the idea that her son is getting married, and she has to let go of control, to an extent. Perhaps this is part of the underlying issue.. insecurity raises its head in funny ways, but I hope that with time, and with continued respect from your side, your mother in law will ‘melt’ a little and eventually lose interest in behaving this way.

My Fiance is Swiss too, and I’m Canadian. I see first hand the differences in our cultures and our approach to our family lives; I appreciate the level of respect that Swiss have for their family life, and it sounds like you are doing your absolute best to maintain your ‘cool’:) Keep setting that good example for your in-laws!! Good luck:)

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