(Closed) I feel neglected by my husband, he wouldn't compromise, ignores me instead

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It sounds like you two need to work on communication and compromise. Is he willing to go to counseling? 

Post # 4
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@RedBee123:  

He’s not willing to make an effort. That’s pretty much what it’s coming down to- he doesn’t care if you are happy and he doesn’t want to bother with trying to make you happy. He’s a selfish person.

Does he even want your marriage to work? It almost seems like he doesn’t care either way.

Really all I can think of is either a) couples therapy (or even if he just goes by himself, maybe a therapist could make him see that he is being selfish), b) put up with his crappy behaviour or c)leave.

You can’t make him care about your happiness, unfortunately.

Post # 5
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry. Your husband sounds like a grade-A douche. Honestly, he’s making zero effort for your marriage, he’s not putting family first, and he’s being downright disrespectful. I think it’s time to say, “Babe, I’ve done a,b, and c. I’ve asked for x, y, and z. You said d, e, f, and have done g, h, i. I cannot continue to live like this. I need ___ to happen or I’m going to leave.” And be prepared to leave. Do you want to live like this forever?

Post # 6
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

I remember that thread without even going back. Your husband is so selfish and it (sorry) doesn’t sound like he cares and that he is leaving you with two options: leave or suck it up and do what he wants. Is it that he has blinders on because he feels that he has to work so hard or is he actually being that selfish? Try to get him to take a day off and to go with you elsewhere (tell him you have a surprise). It may make him come to his senses.

Post # 7
Member
8116 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

From what he says, he doesn’t seem the least bit sorry or concerned that he is so neglectful of OP.  And, according to her post, it’s not all about work.  He finds time to hang out with family and friends and play poker.

 

OP also mentioned that for all of his alleged hard work, they have little money to show for it.  I’m calling BS on the work excuse.

 

OP, I doubt he would be open to marriage counseling.  Thus, I’m afraid your only choices are to live with things as they are, which will hurt you or leave and work on rebuilding your self esteem

 

Post # 9
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@RedBee123:  I would be upfront with him and tell him “I need XYZ from this relationship and its going to require me to do XYZ and for you to do XYZ.  Are you willing to do these things and, if necessary, get outside help to save or marriage?”  

 

If he says No, you know your answer. 

 

Post # 10
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@RedBee123:  A marriage requires compromise! Or at least some sort of communication. It is not a dictatorship, he cannot just say “this is what is happening” and leave you to choose whether to stay with him and do what he says or to divorce him. It seems like you two need to talk things over and maybe even go to counseling. Sorry you’re going through this! 

Post # 11
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m not one for advocating divorce usually, but I just read your old thread and now this….  ouch.

How does he show you he loves you exactly? What are you staying for?

Post # 12
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would have said goodbye a long time ago!! 

Post # 13
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I read your post. And I am going to tell you one thing…Make your choice and make it now. 

You can either leave while you are young with NO children. Or stay……and be stuck in China forever. I have asthma to…..people that dont have Asthma never understand what it is like to try to breathe while there is a 1 ton gorilla sitting on your chest.

Take your pick hold on to your choice and move on.

Post # 14
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@starz88962:  Clearly your husband isnt asian! Mine is Half asian…and let me tell you….and I am strong willed lawyer! 

Post # 15
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am so sad for you. NO ONE deserves to be treated like this. It makes me wonder why the marriage took place at al – he is obviously not concerned about your hapiness at all. Normally I am all for couple conseling but I think it would be a waste of time in this case. Leave his sorry selfish ass and concentrate on making a happy life for yourself.

Post # 16
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

What I would do is leave for a period of time so that you can clear your head and really think about whether or not this is the right person for you. Maybe you’ll realize you miss him, or maybe you’ll realize you’re happier when you’re away from him. He’s not putting your needs first and maybe he needs a wake-up call. Maybe he’ll realize once you’re gone how much you mean to him and be more willing to put more effort into the relationship. If neither one of you miss each other, then why be together?

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