Post # 1
Hi everyone, this post is to follow my post last month
Anyway, I was so heartbroken and tried to save our marriage, tried to work out a “solution” by telling him I will just go back and forth China and Australia while doing some small retailing while in Aus. He said yes to that idea even though he didn’t show any willingness to work out a solution in the first place.
Now here’s the thing, a few days go, we went out to dinner with friends. This couple friends said they were going away on a holiday and asked us if we had any plans. He jokingly said “never”, even though he knew how much I wanted to go away do where and spend time alone together because he’s always busy with everything. When we went home I confronted him. His reason for not taking me away for a holiday is that he’s busy with work, he work 7 days, and not much money at the moment. Fair enough, so I just said we can just go to the city
or do something just us two. He said he doesn’t want to go there and that he’s happy just to eat out around our neighborhood and go to the poker place where he plays while I sit there and wait, because that is what makes him happy and said he didn’t care if I’m not happy in this situation and he can’t find the time to take me out even not so often. He also said he can’t make he effort either. On top of that, he spends most of his time with his family, his friends, and poker. I was so upset about what he said, so I haven’t talked to him for a couple of days now. I have been sleeping in the other room, in return, he has been ignoring me too and not talking to me or even bother to work things out. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Post # 3
It sounds like you two need to work on communication and compromise. Is he willing to go to counseling?
Post # 4
He’s not willing to make an effort. That’s pretty much what it’s coming down to- he doesn’t care if you are happy and he doesn’t want to bother with trying to make you happy. He’s a selfish person.
Does he even want your marriage to work? It almost seems like he doesn’t care either way.
Really all I can think of is either a) couples therapy (or even if he just goes by himself, maybe a therapist could make him see that he is being selfish), b) put up with his crappy behaviour or c)leave.
You can’t make him care about your happiness, unfortunately.
Post # 5
I’m sorry. Your husband sounds like a grade-A douche. Honestly, he’s making zero effort for your marriage, he’s not putting family first, and he’s being downright disrespectful. I think it’s time to say, “Babe, I’ve done a,b, and c. I’ve asked for x, y, and z. You said d, e, f, and have done g, h, i. I cannot continue to live like this. I need ___ to happen or I’m going to leave.” And be prepared to leave. Do you want to live like this forever?
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
I remember that thread without even going back. Your husband is so selfish and it (sorry) doesn’t sound like he cares and that he is leaving you with two options: leave or suck it up and do what he wants. Is it that he has blinders on because he feels that he has to work so hard or is he actually being that selfish? Try to get him to take a day off and to go with you elsewhere (tell him you have a surprise). It may make him come to his senses.
Post # 7
From what he says, he doesn’t seem the least bit sorry or concerned that he is so neglectful of OP. And, according to her post, it’s not all about work. He finds time to hang out with family and friends and play poker.
OP also mentioned that for all of his alleged hard work, they have little money to show for it. I’m calling BS on the work excuse.
OP, I doubt he would be open to marriage counseling. Thus, I’m afraid your only choices are to live with things as they are, which will hurt you or leave and work on rebuilding your self esteem
Post # 8
What would you ladies do if youre in the same situation and you love the man so much?
Post # 9
@RedBee123: I would be upfront with him and tell him “I need XYZ from this relationship and its going to require me to do XYZ and for you to do XYZ. Are you willing to do these things and, if necessary, get outside help to save or marriage?”
If he says No, you know your answer.
Post # 10
@RedBee123: A marriage requires compromise! Or at least some sort of communication. It is not a dictatorship, he cannot just say “this is what is happening” and leave you to choose whether to stay with him and do what he says or to divorce him. It seems like you two need to talk things over and maybe even go to counseling. Sorry you’re going through this!
Post # 11
I’m not one for advocating divorce usually, but I just read your old thread and now this…. ouch.
How does he show you he loves you exactly? What are you staying for?
Post # 12
I would have said goodbye a long time ago!!
Post # 13
I read your post. And I am going to tell you one thing…Make your choice and make it now.
You can either leave while you are young with NO children. Or stay……and be stuck in China forever. I have asthma to…..people that dont have Asthma never understand what it is like to try to breathe while there is a 1 ton gorilla sitting on your chest.
Take your pick hold on to your choice and move on.
Post # 14
@starz88962: Clearly your husband isnt asian! Mine is Half asian…and let me tell you….and I am strong willed lawyer!
Post # 15
I am so sad for you. NO ONE deserves to be treated like this. It makes me wonder why the marriage took place at al – he is obviously not concerned about your hapiness at all. Normally I am all for couple conseling but I think it would be a waste of time in this case. Leave his sorry selfish ass and concentrate on making a happy life for yourself.
Post # 16
What I would do is leave for a period of time so that you can clear your head and really think about whether or not this is the right person for you. Maybe you’ll realize you miss him, or maybe you’ll realize you’re happier when you’re away from him. He’s not putting your needs first and maybe he needs a wake-up call. Maybe he’ll realize once you’re gone how much you mean to him and be more willing to put more effort into the relationship. If neither one of you miss each other, then why be together?