(Closed) Overwhelmed & Emotional: I feel Selfish

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
18 posts
  • Wedding: February 2012

How crazy stressful! I’m sorry there is so much going on and all at the same time. When things get hectic, even small problems seem to dig at your spirit more and more.

Try to remember all that you’re accomplishing. Though you have lots happening, you are helping out a friend in a way that she’ll always appreciate. You are showing your patience and unconditional love as your Fiance reboots himself. Plus, you are PLANNING A WEDDING. You’ve got a buffet on a single plate, so remind yourself that you are doing it and doing it well!

It may be difficult, but try not to worry about your moving bridesmaids. Everything happens for a reason. If these girls are really important to you, I see nothing wrong with asking your friend who is moving in April to pack up as if she’s moving on the 22nd. I think that’s a solution that could easily benefit both of you! If not, even that will work itself out. It always does.

Post # 4
1154 posts
Bumble bee

You’re just overwhelmed because so much is going on at the same time and it’s hard to handle.  Everything will work out just fine.  None of this is a huge problem.

Downsize, cut the things that don’t matter much – cut the extra events if they’re causing stress, cut projects, cut cut cut.  This will help your stress level.

Take a little bit of time to relax and take care of yourself.  Watch a movie or read a book or go drinking.

Then take it one thing at a time and do not allow your brain to try to think of everything at once.  One thing at a time.  Focus.

You can absolutely do this.

You wedding is not an imposition and plenty of people will come.  A couple of people will probably not be able to make it (a prediction having nothing to do with you – this is in every wedding) but there will be so many people you love who are excited for you at your wedding and you’ll be so busy trying to spend time with them that the missing will not hurt your joy at all.

Post # 5
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Hugs and deep breaths, TPHoliday! You are a rockstar for even putting up with all of this at one time, and it is completely understandable that you would feel so overwhelmed. Don’t feel like you’re being selfish or blowing anything out of proportion, everyone has times when they just need to throw their hands up and scream.

Try to focus your emotions on what you can control. Plan the baby shower, but don’t let it spiral into a huge affair that will cause you stress. A baby shower doesn’t need to be an epic event. Think about the reasons why you do love your fiance and how happy you’ll be to be married to him. The two of you can get through it together. Good luck.

Post # 6
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010


I agree with LittlestBirds, don’t make the baby shower into an event of epic proportions.  There is no rule that says you can’t plan a simple shower with some snacks purchased from Costco and some pretty cupcakes.  Is there anyone else who you can recruit to co-host so that you have a hand? 

With the wedding, you have already made lists.  Once you have taken a moment to take a DEEP BREATH, look at your to-do lists and try to prioritize them into time frames.  That might help you to not feel so overwhelmed.  Is there anything that you can hand off to your mom or to Fiance to do?

And I’m truly sad to hear about your Maid/Matron of Honor situation. πŸ™  Is your 2nd Maid/Matron of Honor absolutely certain she can’t be a part of your wedding?  I just feel like that’s kind of a crappy thing to do to someone.  Maybe it’s the bride in me talking, but I’d just make sure I was all packed up except for my dress & heels and enjoy the hell out of my last night in town!  Moving is an organizational process- how is it that she can’t organize herself to at least attend your wedding? πŸ™  Sucky.

It’s going to be ok….I know how disappointing it is when people tell you they’re not coming and it’s hard to not take it personally. πŸ™  But you will have tons of people there that DO love you and you will have so much fun that you won’t even notice the people who aren’t there! 


Post # 7
888 posts
Busy bee

HUGS – wow – that’s a lot! and I can so relate.  i tend to take on too much myself.

plus my poor FIs family is flying to my wedding from New Zealand – I feel like a pain in the butt and that I am annoying everyone with my wedding but you know what?  People are not annoyed – they are excited – and it will be the same way for you.

Heck, I am very excited about your wedding!  Let me know if there is anything I can do for you to help.

Post # 8
1154 posts
Bumble bee

piping up – I read the OP saying that Maid/Matron of Honor is going to attend the wedding but won’t be around much the weekend before to help with stuff.

Post # 9
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Have you read this post from a practical wedding?  Basically it says that “your wedding is NOT an imposition.”  And it’s not.  The lovely, important ones will be there, and they will be there for you, and they will be sooo happy to see you sooo happy.  And the others?  Well, to quote… “ass-hats.” 

Post # 10
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Oh man. πŸ™

Is there any way you can hire a planner to help out?

Post # 11
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

girl! you will make it through. Maybe if your hubby has some extra time, he can help you with some of your to do lists. Example using my husband- he wouldn’t want to plan a baby shower, since that’s girl stuff (what mine would say anyway), but he would call caterers if I asked him. Or he’d find quotes online for balloons and streamers. Etc. If I phrased it like that for my hubby, he’d totally help. Specific things. I’m sure yours would, too!  And that would make you happy and less stressed and that’d totally help your libido. It’ll be business time in no time – good luck!!

Post # 12
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Take big deep breaths.  This will all come together.  You haven’t been given anything that you can’t handle because you are a strong woman.  You can do this!!!

Post # 13
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

You should definitely recruit your Fiance to do things! Like someone else said… plates, cups, drinks and snacks that can be purchased ahead of time, he can go find the best price for them. Same for streamers, balloons, decorations… its easy for him to find some options then present them to you.

As for the Maid/Matron of Honor thing and the moving… just think of your wedding as the one last party before she moves!

You sound so stressed and I know its a ton, but HUGS to you and you can do it! You will get through it!

Post # 14
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

The good news is that you’re handling it right.  To-do lists!  Planning ahead!  Keeping your promise to throw a baby shower!  Asking those close to you for support!  (It’s not your fault if they don’t offer the support you need.)

Put on a sad movie and cry all your frustrations out.  Have a glass of wine.  That’s what I do, and it always helps.

Then get back to your to-do lists.

Also, keep venting to us.  πŸ™‚

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