(Closed) I feel so tired. In my soul. (long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@iarebridezilla:  I can SO commiserate. I have a 1-year-old and have gone through most of the same things over the past year. I also live in Alaska so the winter blues are even worse. My hubby has an awful work situation that I won’t bore you with, but it means I hardly ever see him and I’m alone with DD for most of the week.

First of all you need to give yourself a HUGE pat on the back. Your baby is still very young and you have it together way better than most moms I know (including myself at that stage)! Way to go! 

Second, things will get better. Your daughter will get older, and with that comes better sleep and more joy. I still have the “going through the motions” feeling with everything I’m doing, but every week as my daughter grows and learns and becomes a more awesome person, there are more moments of joy punctuating the drudgery. She does so many funny things that are constantly making me laugh. It makes my days way better than they were when she was younger.

Hubby and I have never done date nights; we do lunch dates instead. Or we take our daughter out with us and do things as a family, which is more fun than being without her now that she’s older. You didn’t say anything about your sex life, but one thing that helped hubby and me reconnect was getting our sex life back on track. We set a minimum number of times per week that we want to have sex, and then we just make it happen, no excuses.

Consider joining a moms’ group. I joined one on meetup.com and take my daughter to a lot of playdates. She has fun playing with other kids, and I get to talk to other moms. I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom so we need that to get out of the house, but there are working moms in our group too, and weekend activities. 

Post # 33
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@iarebridezilla:  February sucks. Springs coming soon and Im sure when you can get active outdoors youll feel a lot better!

Post # 34
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@iarebridezilla:  

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@MsJ2theZ:  

Let’s do it!!  I live South, but I’m in Seattle-proper all the time.  I’ll go anywhere!

Post # 36
Member
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

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@iarebridezilla:  Yuck…sometimes, you take a look around your house, and your life and realize the only thing keeping you from going on a rampage is that you know you’d have to clean all that shit up after….it blows.

My Grandpa always used to tell me, over a pitcher of martinis, a cigar burning glowing in his hand, “Every avalanche starts with that one little pebble that just could not stay put…change one thing in your life honey, no matter how insigificant, and you’ll be surprised at the changes that follow.”

I get that feeling, the feeling of why clean up the dirt when there’s just going to be more dirt?  Wash the bottles, they just get used, make dinner….it just gets eaten.

You have to find that ONE thing, that puts the heart back in your life, and its not necessarily your baby, although I know you love her more than the waking world, or your husband but you’re crazy about him too…and work…whatever, there’s a tiny thread showing in this tapestry of malaise…you just have to pull it hard enough and it all comes down. 

It could be as simple as taking your husband up on going to the brewer meetings, Mr. 99 and I homebrew together, its an awesome hobby and you’ll meet new people, learn new things and have fun…but not if you don’t go.  Or maybe you let someone else watch your baby and tell yourself you’re going out, like people do….go see a movie, take a class, find a book, swim some laps in a pool or take up the trapeze…but something, just one thing has to be for you and only you.

To be a mother is to be selflessly in love with another person for the rest of your life….but whats funny about that is you’ll wear yourself down if you don’t give yourself permission to be selfish every now and again.

 

Post # 37
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@iarebridezilla:  I never really share too much of my day-to-day on the Bee, but I think it’s necessary to tell you that I sympathize with you. I’m newly pregnant (ok, 4 months in) and I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a runner and I’m so used to being in total control of my body, and I am an addict for a good workout. Since getting pregnant, working out is one of the last things I want to do. I plan to walk a half marathon in the spring but seriously, it is NOT the same so I’m not even excited about it.

After getting married last August, I had to switch job locations (similar to your situation with your company) due to a budgeting issue (firmwide, not personal) and now I work in DC. I love it, but I commute for about 1 hr 20 minutes a day. At first it was great, because it was all public transportation, but now I hate it. I just want a regular commute (20-45 minutes door to door). I WISH I could get home by 5. I get home by 7 pm and sometimes 7:30 pm and cook dinner so late. It’s the one place in my life where I feel like a complete failure as a wife. I feel like I should have dinner on the table at 6. I can’t even make it home by 6 without sneaking out of the office early.

My day is basically get up, commute forever, work, commute forever, cook dinner, shower, bed. This never bothered me before pregnancy because I usually ran after work around the monuments and on the National Mall, and had a long run to look forward to on the weekends. But now, I have to find something new. I look forward to sitting in the house on Saturdays because it’s the opposite of going anywhere far. But that also means I’m sitting in the house… every weekend. I have some really close mommy friends who are married and have little ones, but they are usually busy taking care of their own responsibilities. I really miss my running friends more than anything.

So, I know I have to break out of this rut. So I try reading books to help my mind escape and I’m also planning to learn how to knit. My first class is on Saturday. I think we have to FORCE ourselves to find some leisurely activity that breaks up all of the monotony of our lives.

Post # 38
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@iarebridezilla:  is there any chance you can be a SAHM? It sounds like you’re on the treadmill that is we a lot of working moms on where the get no time with their kids, and what a bummer that is. 

Post # 39
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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@iarebridezilla:  I’m sorry your feeling so blah at the moment. I wish I could give you a hug and a nice hot mug of cocoa or something.

I think you have a lot of things contributing to your blahness: new baby, big move, not being able to meet people, working remotely, and just feeling isolated in general. It sucks big time and it can be really depressing. The fact that this is all bothering you in winter doesn’t help either (subtract the new baby and this is me at times, so I understand).

Here are my suggestions:

1. Next time DH offers to watch DD for a while, do something other than get a pedicure and go home. You mentioned your old hobby isn’t fun where you live and that DH is finding a new hobby – you should do the same! What are things that interest you? Do you like reading, writing, biking, video games? See about starting a new hobby and see if you can meet people that way.

2. Bring some nature into your home. It can really help to brighten your mood a bit to have some sort of plant inside. It helps you feel as if you’re connecting with nature somehow.

3. Listen to

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@MsJ2theZ:  and set-up a meeting with other area Bees. You already have some stuff in common, so it could make it a bit easier to get through the initial awkwardness that comes with meeting someone new.

4. Have you considered switching jobs to one where you could work in an office?

5. Remember that your little girl’s sleep routine will eventually become more normal and reasonable – this sleep deprivation thing, while not fun, is also temporary. Just keep doing the best you can.

6. Like another poster said, Yoga can be really good for relieving stress and helping your body relax a bit. Consider taking a class or two and see if you like it (and you might meet some cool new friends!)

The most important thing to remember is this: this blahness is temporary. I think that when the weather improves it will make things a bit easier for you and it will be easier to meet other people as well. And also keep in mind what my mom said: meeting other people is easier when you have something in common – so when you are able to go out and meet people, try to look for indicators that they have things in common with you. For instance, my Mom always says that having kids is the easiest way to meet people because you have something instantly in common.

Post # 40
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@iarebridezilla:  

 

I am so, so sorry. i absolutely empathize with how you are feeling. 

We made an interstate move 1100 miles away from family and friends six months ago and it was hard.

 

Are you religious at all? i met my best friend at our church down here.

Post # 41
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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@iarebridezilla:  So sorry to hear that!! You definitely have my sympathy.

You should try joining a meetup group on meetup.com or create your own group! I made several friends this way. 

Post # 42
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@iarebridezilla:  I think it’s definitely more of a challenge. You might try some regular classes to get used to and learn the poses first? But, you don’t have to, you can go to a beginner vinyasa class and just learn over time and you’ll get better and stronger. Regular yoga is more for meditation, stretching etc so it’s slow paced and you hold the poses longer. Vinyasa is like, “flow” so you flow through the poses more and are challenging yourself at a faster pace. I love it!

Post # 44
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

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@iarebridezilla:  I second treating yourself to a cleaner at least once a month! It’s well worth it. & please take your husbands advice: sit down, relax, and live a little 🙂

Post # 45
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@iarebridezilla: I’m not a mom yet but I totally get the no friends/winter blues thing. I live in upstate NY and have a few girlfriends but this time of year everyone hiberantes so I feel very alone and isolated. It blows. I cannot wait for warmer weather! I wish you lived closer so we could draw inappropriate paint pictures while sitting on our asses and drinking wine. That is my idea of a good time.

I also did a quick search on google and found list list of Seattle (and surrounding areas) moms clubs, seems like some of them might be a good fit for you or worth looking in to! http://redtri.com/seattle/moms-club/ also you said you like to be active so this might be right up your alley! http://fit4mom.com/ I’m sure they have a few groups in the Seattle area, the Stroller Stride looks like a cool place to meet moms and friends for Audrey!

Best of luck!!

 

 

 

Post # 46
Member
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

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@iarebridezilla:  I’m sorry you’re miserable, its just never easy, no matter what you’re doing…but hey, you’re not alone…

Hell, I’ve been the lady crying in the produce section of the grocery store before because I needed onions and I was fucking sad right then….I’ve been the lady that marched into her kid’s highschool and told the principal to shove it sideways because I was tired of people attacking her, I’ve been the Mom that gives her kids $50 each, takes them to Dave and Busters and sets them loose so Mr. 99 and I could have a beer and a meal without them bickering at each other the whole night about which science teacher does the baking soda volcano…WHO CARES?? And I’ve been the wife that sneaks her ipad into the bathroom and locks the door so I can watch Mermaids, drink a glass of wine and not have someone walk in there to ask me if we’re out of peas….I DON’T KNOW!!

Its ok…you’re doing great!

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