(Closed) … I feel so unimportant and excluded…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 138
2300 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

It is just different to me. Sounds like a lot of other bees see it as different too.

Anyways, when you are taking your pictures, try to leave the possibility of divorce out when you are telling your new sister in law she can’t be in your pictures. I still think you are making a mistake even considering that, but hopefully you change your mind whenever the time comes.

Post # 140
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2023


@Sunchick19: I haven’t mentioned anything about it for like 2 pages…

Yeah, so this thread has gone WAY off topic. People have given you advice about your original post. What are you going to do? Have you come to a decision? I think we need to get back to that, otherwise this thread will end up getting closed.

So, OP, will she be in your photos or not?

ETA: Just seen last post. Glad that’s all wrapped up. Let’s all move on and let this one go now.

Post # 141
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@SimpleGifts:  I agree! My fiance ran into this situation before he married his ex-wife. His family was organizing a giant family picture with all of his aunts, uncles, cousins, yada-yada. They made it a rule for everyone that if you weren’t married, you weren’t in the picture. The picture was taken literally two weeks before one of his cousin was set to get married and her future husband wasn’t in the picture, but because she wasn’t allowed to be in the picture, she took it as a personal attack against her and didn’t allow him to be in the picture.Now that they aren’t married, it really makes him sad that he didn’t take the opportunity to be in that picture with his family.

I understand that it makes you feel un-included, but really you’re not family yet. If what the two of you have is real, then you’re going to have plenty of time for family photos, like a whole lifetime.

Post # 142
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh my goodness. Some people chose to take this thread WAY off topic. The OP can define her own living situation, and it’s still remains completely irrelevant. Sounds like you have this resolved OP. Might want to ask for this to be closed, unless you want another 30 opinions on what defines “a social unit.”

Post # 143
1115 posts
Bumble bee

@JustHappy:  I agree. 

For what it’s worth OP, my SO and I receive mail at two different addresses with both of our names on it. I understand the formality of having to have two different technical places because of parents, because that’s what I’m having to do. His family, however, doesn’t care and addresses invites to the both of us at both addresses at a switch. As in one event it will be sent to “my” place and another it will be sent to “his.” It’s a little bit of a family joke. And yes, they call me family.

Post # 144
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - Rock Hill Country Club, Manorville NY

@Iamlost:  I would be hurt to, but you gotta include her in your pictures. Sounds like she’s kind of aloof if she would make a request like that.

Post # 145
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

From personal experience, taking family photos are a bit stressful. Or at least mine were. We have a lot of immediate family, then step-parents/family, in-laws, etc. Our family pictures took forever and some people were unfortunately excluded, just cause I couldn’t take another picture!

But if your Boyfriend or Best Friend tried to pull you up and she said no, that seems a bit purposeful. I’m sorry your feelings were hurt over this. But to echo the others, I think you just have to let it go. Remember, they’re HER pictures; it’s not like you’ll be really looking at them anyway, or looking to post them in your own home.

As far as how you handle your own wedding photos, I think you should go forward as you would have if you had been included in her photos; if that means you would have had her in some photos, then have her anyway. Be the bigger person.

Perhaps in her mind your relationship wasn’t at the ‘serious-enough’ stage yet due to a lack of engagement. You may know in your heart your relationship is there, but she likely sees the black and white of it and that’s the decision she made. Remember, they’re just photos – don’t loose too much sleep over it.

If you’re concerned about your actual relationship with her, which I think should be the larger issue, then call her up and let her know you’d like for you to have a relationship. Again, be the bigger person and make the bold step. If she doesn’t respond, at least you can know you tried and move on!

Post # 146
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I was with my partner for 5 years and we bought a house together a few years back. At his cousin’s wedding they excluded me from all the pictures because I was not officially family. It didn’t matter that we were common law for years. After our wedding last year, they were all adding me as family on FB as I wasn’t there for the last 7 years. People are so annoying! I thought it was really hurtful to be welcoming me into the family after 7+ years & excluding me from family shots before.

I do my best not to think about it. However, it is really hard to let go of all the past and move on. I am invited to all sorts of events that I didn’t know existed now that I am “family”. Unfortunately, it’s hard to be friendly with the strangers who wouldn’t even go for coffee with me over the years.

Post # 147
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MrsTahoe:  I agree.  There was a lot going on.  We didn’t want a lot of formal pictures but both sets of parents are divorced so shuffling in the grandparents, etc. took some time.  I wasn’t really thinking about if I should include someone in a picture I dont really want to have so I wouldn’t hurt their feelings.

Come to think of it DH’s dad and his gf are getting ready to buy a house together and I’m sure they spend a lot of nights together.  Didn’t even cross my mind to include her.  

Like it or not, things like moving in together, getting engaged, and getting married are society’s way of formalizing relationships.  Those actions may not always accurately reflect the individual relationship, but using those things as guidelines are often the best we can do. 

Post # 148
4886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Let this one go.  When its your turn to be married you’ll see how stressful some situations can be and how picky you’ll be about certain things.  This was their wedding and their photos.  You can do what you want with your wedding with your photos.  But I would highly suggest just taking the high road on this one and moving on.

Post # 149
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

So now it’s your other sister-inlaw that’s going to be in the bridal party and not the girl who rightfully didn’t include you in her wedding photos? Yet the bridal party sister-inlaw is also not going to be asked to join your family pictures? 

You specifically said she is going to be in your bridal party but your not putting her in the family pictures and the bridal party shots that she will be in, you won’t order them.

 [comment moderated for personal attack]

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