(Closed) I feel so violated…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Oh eM Gee that is disgusting. I am so sorry this has happened to you. I’m sure some kind of charge can be pressed against him. He is a pervert and he needs help even if that help is a program. I want to beat him up for you.

Post # 3
2092 posts
Buzzing bee

Sadly I don’t think the police would do anything. He didn’t touch you or harm you, he didn’t steal anything since he left all your panties there, and you invited him into your home and masturbation isn’t illegal. Maybe your mom would have a civil case about the ppv bill, but that would be just a monetary thing, it’s not like he’d get arrested.

If I were your boyfriend I’d cut ties with that guy and just basically you don’t ever contact him again. There isn’t much you can do so I’d just stay far away from him

Post # 4
2122 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

Ewww, ewww!!! I had my panties stolen off my washing line, but this is worse when you know who it was and what he did with them 🙁 🙁 I’m glad he’s already moved out, but honestly there’s still a chance this could escalate. For your safety ties need to be cut with him ASAP (and your boyfriend shoudl possibly punch him in the balls first). I’m so sorry… ewww!!

Post # 5
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Why would he stuff them under the bathroom sink? That’s all he had to do was stuff them in his waistband if he “didn’t want to be caught”. And why woukd he leave that all behind? Idk….

Post # 6
9779 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Yes I would definitely confront him- “we found the stolen underwear- you’re sick and disrespectful and I don’t want to ever see your face or hear from you again”

And stop letting your boyfriends friends live with your poor parents. That’s too much to ask, you BFs friends homelessness is not their problem. 

Post # 7
628 posts
Busy bee

The police aren’t going to do anything over a panty fetish. 

Post # 8
628 posts
Busy bee

JerNCher:  I was thinking it sounds a bit sketchy too. People with socially unacceptable fetishes don’t leave evidence hanging around someone’s parents’ house. Who would put something like that under a bathroom sink when there’s a garbage right there? Hm. 

I don’t know why someone should be crucified over a harmless fetish. Sure, it’s unacceptable to take someone’s belongings. But it’s certainly not dangerous. There are many, many worse things out there than a man liking lingerie. He’s moved out now (and never should have been there to begin with) so why dwell on it? 

Post # 9
2486 posts
Buzzing bee

Since his behavior is clearly pathological, I believe YOU should have absolutely NO CONTACT of any kind with him. There is a risk that he might misinterpret your anger as some sort of interest in him and attempt to escalate.

If he has some sort of circle of MALE acquaintances, and they mutually consider him worth the effort, it might be worthwhile to meet with him informally and suggest that he seek some therapeutic intervention for himself.

if Boyfriend or Best Friend believes he is unable to do that without becoming visibly angry, or if perv is unable to benefit from the concern of associates, I think you and Boyfriend or Best Friend MUST cut all ties.

ALSO, yes, please make a police report. If God Forbid, behior does escalate, you need a record available in some sort of objective form.

Very, very sorry this has hapoened to you.

Post # 10
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I once had a somewhat similar situation. My then fiance’s friend had been spending the night on our couch when I was visiting my parents overnight once in a while. I had always cleaned just before I left so I knew that nothing was in the couch…

Well numerous times after he left I found my underwear or pj shorts stuffed into the couch. At first I passed it off as perhaps me forgetting to pick them up and my fi stuffed them in the couch so no one would see them – but then one night he discovered his friend was sniffing the crotch area!!!

I felt so violated that he was doing that but there was nothing we could do either than make sure he never entered our home again. They still remain friends as we agreed there was no need to break all contact with the guy (I started to feel embarrassed for him) but the friendship is certainly a strained one with fi knowing he’s a pervert.

somethingblue04:  I was thinking that perhaps he stuffed them under the sink instead of in the garbage because he figured it was more likely someone would see them in the trash vs seeing them under a bathroom sink. Even if a family member found them they would be confused as to why they were stuffed there and may assume that she herself was hiding them for whatever reason. I don’t know how many times as a kid I’d throw something out I didn’t want my mom to see and it would somehow resurface when she needed something back out of the trash or the bag broke open.

I would just also like to say that sometimes fetishes are just the start and may not be harmless. If he was masturbating with her underwear who knows if one day he would’ve escalated it to breaking into homes to steal them? Violating a woman?

Post # 11
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m not sure how we would handle this. I agree that both of you need to cut ties with this guy. My fiancé would also want to confront him and let him know how disrespectful & inappropriate his actions were then cut off all contact. I feel like telling him what’s up might be best, otherwise he may try to get in touch if he didn’t realize he was being cut off.

Post # 12
325 posts
Helper bee

I am so sorry that this happened to you! I have to wonder what is going on in the brain o a uy like this….there are many women willing to sleep with  just about anyone out thee…why he just doesn’t go and find someone is beyond  me…rather than violate someone like he did you…

Post # 13
3842 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

AnonymousBuzzer:  Honestly, the police aren’t going to do anything. You and your Boyfriend or Best Friend should confront this “friend” and tell him that you found all of the underwear he had stolen from you. Tell him you find it disgusting and disrespectful and you never want to see him again. Terminate contact with him immediately. End of story.

Post # 14
2439 posts
Buzzing bee

Google Russell Willims of the Canadian Air Force.  He had a pantie fetish that morphed into rape and murder. OP–stay FAR AWAY from this man.  He could turn out to be more dangerous than you or anyone thinks.

Post # 15
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m not trying to accuse this guy of anything he hasn’t done…. but a sick bastard like that could one day go to rape.

I think you need to go to the Police, this sounds like a form of sexual assault to me. I’m not sure about over in the US but here in Australia, you can even be charged for sending a sending a sext to someone that didn’t want to receive it. 

May be go to the Police, explain how violated and disturbed you feel, they may take it more seriously then you think. Even if they just have a little chat with him, at least he knows never to let things escalate with you. 



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