(Closed) I feel terrible about Thank You cards

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

The last three weddings I attended I did not get a thank you until a year or more after the wedding! So 2 months is okay. They’ll get the card, you can make a phone call too to make sure they know you’re thankful, and it will all be swept under the rug soon enough! Don’t fret.

Post # 3
634 posts
Busy bee

It’s easy to reply with a quick “their in the mail” and leave it at that. 2 months is a very acceptable timeline for you to send thank you cards; not something worth stressing over.

Post # 4
436 posts
Helper bee

I recently received a thank you card almost exactly a year after a wedding I attended.

I will say though that one of our wedding guests brought up that they didn’t receive a thank you card from us— and it was because we never received their gift!  It seems it actually did get lost in the mail.  But anyway, I don’t think 2 months is super long. In fact, I think I sent out most of ours at the 2-3 month mark as well! 

Post # 5
524 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
anonagain :  whatever, don’t sweat it. I just sent mine from a 9/28 wedding, and I’m pretty sure I may have missed some because I didnt use a check off list. oh well.

Post # 6
8600 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

with in two months is a totally reasonable timeline and Im a stickler about etiquette stuff.

Post # 7
874 posts
Busy bee

2 months is a totally acceptable time, but people can get offended no matter what you do. Frankly I always found it a bit odd that someone’s gratitude somehow isn’t considered legitimate until it’s written down on paper…nor do I understand why sending a late thank-you note (or legitimately forgetting to, once in a blue moon) is the equivalent of running over a child with your car. Everyone just assumes the worst of you if you send them out a day late. Etiquette culture needs to lighten up a little bit… 

Post # 8
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Did your Mother-In-Law forget it was her son’s wedding too? Same for the aunt…her nephew didn’t send them out either… They shouldn’t be judging just you. Last time I checked, it wasn’t just females who can pick up a pen and piece of paper.

Post # 9
1474 posts
Bumble bee

im sorry bur who cares that much about thank you cards that feel necessary to bring it up in a conversation? don’t feel bad.

Post # 10
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

They’re complaining after less than 2 months?!? Rude on them, sorry you have to deal with that.

Post # 11
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m still waiting for thank yous from a June wedding this year, a July wedding last year, and a May wedding the year before that.

Two months is fine.

If they want to complain, they can do it about your husband. It’s not totally your responsibility.

Post # 13
13946 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Traditional etiquette requires notes immediately, as gifts are received, but no more than two weeks. Miss Manners would have you writing them on the way to the honeymoon!

More liberal sources, for example the current Emily Post, give you up to three months, while allowing that the ideal is immediately. They suggest notes be done a few per day and mailed as they are completed. They are, of course, always better late than never. In practice most notes I receive are within a few months and nobody is offended. 

To tell you the truth, the bigger faux pas is with the people who are calling you out. 

Post # 14
388 posts
Helper bee

Um yea agree with other pps the bigger faux pas here is them saying something, like really? And it’s super fucked up that they are members of his family and are asking why YOU didn’t send a note uhhh he’s an equal half in the marriage and in the wedding. I’m sorry your married life is starting out with Mother-In-Law like that….I wish your husband had said well mom we haven’t quite gotten to them yet and it’s half my fault too. I hate that people assume women will take on this role. He may be HER child but he is YOUR husband and has equal culpability for this. Ugh. 2 months is not a big deal and again agree with previous pp who asked why receiving a note is the only way they’re supposed to know you grateful? I’m betting you both thanked his mom in person already so…..sorry this is just so irritating on so many levels. Rant over and don’t stress about the cards bee! 

Post # 15
9987 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Listen, I’m a stickler for etiquette and I care a lot about making sure people feel gratitude for gifts.  Two months after a wedding is way too soon to be complaining you didn’t receive a thank you.  The people who are complaining need a reality check.  

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