(Closed) I feel terrible about Thank You cards

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
7847 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Bitches gonna bitch. 

I attended a wedding in September, gave a generous gift, and have yet to receive a thank you note. You sent yours out in less than two months. Don’t lose any sleep over this. 

Post # 17
Member
47412 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It was incredibly rude of them to mention not receiving a thank you note yet.

By current standards, you have nothing to apologize for.

I don’t buy the excuse that DH has terrible writing though. He received the gifts as much as you did. He can print for all I care but he is just as responsible for thank you notes.

Post # 18
Member
543 posts
Busy bee

Thank you cards arent mandatory… When you think about it…

We get married and invite people to the ceremony. We then spend thousands on a party with them to celebrate. Giving them a night of free booze, food and entertainment. Some people throw in favours to give to guests aswell.

The guests (mostly but not always) give gifts to celebrate (much like a birthday) and then we feel obligated to send them a thankyou note… like when does it ennndddd

So.. after all that… this self entitled Mother-In-Law should get back in her box. You are a great person for sending the thankyous out and she will get it when she gets it.

Post # 19
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Stop wasting your time feeling terrible about this. There are far more important things to focus on.

Post # 20
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

Who technically hosted your wedding — was Mum-In-Law one of the hostesses? If the hostess was you or your mother, did Mum-In-Law and Auntie send thank-you notes for the dinner? If not, they’re living in glass houses, and shouldn’t throw stones.

Post # 21
Member
13994 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
cosimaskye :  

“Thank you cards aren’t mandatory…”

They certainly are. 

Post # 22
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

Of all the weddings I have been too, only one couple sent a thank you card. Did I care? No.

Maybe it’s not as much of a big deal here in Australia as it is in the US.

2 Months isn’t that long. It can take a while to get your photos from the photographer…

Post # 23
Member
13994 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
olivebutton :  You’re not supposed to delay writing notes to send photocards. People just want to know you’ve received their gift and that you took the time to acknowledge them. Two months isn’t too long, but waiting for photos is not considered a justifiable reason for delay. 

Post # 24
Member
3804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

The general rule is 3 months and you’re well within that. Don’t stress.

Post # 25
Member
2317 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Two months is perfectly fine! Don’t beat yourself up over this; it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme 

Post # 26
Member
18 posts
Newbee

You have plenty of time- no need to worry.

I ordered some lovely Thank You cards with a wedding photo on them and had printed out peoples addresses on labels and asked my husband to affix the labels to the envelope. Well- he did, and then immediately posted them (thinking he was helping me) without giving me the opportunity to write a personal message in them! Oops… too bad now… it is what it is now! 

I was worried at the time but can laugh about it now

Post # 27
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

For those saying ‘Thank You cards are not mandatory’.. if I was a wedding guest, I would be insulted that I took the time and effort to clear my schedule, maybe even book a hotel room and buy airplane tickets to attend your wedding and buy you a gift, and you don’t have the good grace to express your gratitude.

I attended a cousin’s wedding and gave them a couple hundred in cash in an envelope in their card box. 3 months later not a peep from them. I was in a predicament because I wasn’t sure if the money was stolen or not, since I didn’t give it to them directly. As a guest, you wonder. So I contacted the bride and she gave me an excuse about her thank you cards being delayed, but they’re on their way. It’s been a couple months now and still no thank you card in the mail, but AT LEAST I know that the wedding gift is in the right hands.

Personally I believe it is good manners and etiquette to acknowledge a gift. If you thank you cards are delayed or you’re short on money, the least you can do is send a text message or call these people and say “Uncle/Aunt X thank you so much for your gift. We look forward to using our Y in our new home”.

These people who you invited to share in your joy and happiness deserve at least this much. People don’t expect you to send them right away, especially if you are off for a honeymoon. 6 weeks – 2 months is perfect timing. Better late than never.

Post # 28
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Nothing you can do about it now! I think two months is totally reasonable. It’s weird that people complained.

Post # 29
Member
7579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

“And yes DH is to blame as well. His handwriting is terrible so I had to write them all out.”

 

And he needs to stand up for you if they ever bring the cards up again, or anything else nit-picky about you. If they are bitching about the cards, his response should be “My wife did a fantastic job with that, and I have bad handwriting so that doubled her work. Stop criticizing her.” 

Post # 30
Member
13994 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
-Sparkles- :  Even if it’s been some time, I would follow up with a note, an an apology for the initial mishap, and a description of how you’ve been enjoying the gift people took the trouble to give or send. 

There’s no statute of limitations on correcting a mistake. 

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