(Closed) I feel terrible, but I really can’t stand my future mother-in-law

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Yikes!  Are you planning to live with your Future Mother-In-Law after you get married?  I feel for you.  It sounds like she has some hoarding tendencies and I could not deal with that.

Post # 4
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Start setting boundaries………….. IMMEDIATELY! Don’t wait until after the wedding. Sit down and all 3 of you discuss how this is making you guys feel and how it is affecting your day to day life as well.

My mom once told me that her mother was kind of mean with her and once my mom got pissed off and told her mom how she made my mom feel, etc. Turns out the granny had no clue she was actually hurting my mom (by calling her ugly, fat, stupid, etc.) She thought she was just being a ‘normal’ mom.

Maybe that is the case with your MIL? She’s just treating her kid like one of her possession, not so much her son. And your Fiance is correct, if she cannot make it on her own, you both have to put up with having her share your home. But the only way that can work is if you start setting your boundaries now so your Mother-In-Law knows what is expected of her and what she can expect from you both. (There is a silver lining in all this…. i.e. she can babysit your future kids for free!)

Post # 5
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Is it possible she’s a hoarder?

Post # 6
Member
1270 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

eek. at least she’s not an animal hoarder! those people are crazy!

 

but seriously, i understand your pain. feel free to PM me if you want to talk about this, because i have gone through something similar.

you’ll get through it and everything will be fine. promise.

Post # 7
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@mrbee: ditto this.  It sounds like she is.  First thing, you need to sit down and talk about this with your Fiance.  WITHOUT mom around.  Discuss WHY she is living with you.  Is it financial or just the “she can’t live without us” feeling.  (I’d be tempted to say: “cut the apron strings, love, cause I ain’t living with her!”  Hopefully someone else would phrase that better, cause I could so foresee an argument with that line…).  Then, set bounderies.  

My mom is a hoarder (why in the hell would ANYONE keep broken typewriters? I mean, the OLD heavy metal ones where the keys are bent out of whack and is completely unusable?!?!?) and would YELL at me anytime I’d try to get rid of clothes I didn’t like, but she did. (Mooom, I don’t wear that… and it’s hideous…)  I’m glad I moved out and don’t have to deal with it.  NOW I can go through stuff and not have to listen to her yell about how it shouldn’t be tossed.  

 

Personally, you couldn’t PAY me to live with my Future Mother-In-Law or even my own parents (again).  I’d say it would be better for you two to live on your own, otherwise, you’re going to have mom in everything you do.  

good luck!!! hope it works out for you and your FI!!!

 

Post # 8
Member
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I absolutely agree with Ryna wholeheartedly.  This is going to be hard to hear but if your Fiance can’t or won’t stand up to his mother you are in for a world of hurt.  There is absolutely no way in Hell that I would let my mother in law live with us.  He would be alone with her and I would be on with my life.  Seriously?!  Move out, if he wants to come with you great, if not he is not worth it.

Post # 9
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yikes!  I definitely feel for you.  I guess I’m not quite understanding, why you Future Mother-In-Law moving in to a new place with you and your Fiance would help save money unless she is paying for part of it.  If that’s the case then I hate to say it but you’ll just have to suck it up for now until you and your Fiance can afford a place without her.  I would definitely be scared to live with my Future Mother-In-Law the first year after we were married.  That’s supposed to be time for you and your Fiance to really create your lives together and it would be very hard to do that with a third person there, especially a mom.  I definitely think you should have a heart to heart with your Fiance first without his mom and figure out where you stand about moving once you two are married.  If you absolutely cannot live with her then he needs to know that.  I don’t like the whole “she can’t make it on her own” thing, I mean I don’t know you or her or the entire situation and you may not either, but she is a grown woman and it’s time she figured out how to do it on her own.  Maybe you and your Fiance can live close to her and help her out, but living with her will be very hard and it will definitely affect your relationship eventually.

Post # 10
Member
42 posts
Newbee

Secrelly get rid of some of the stuff, whatever she doesn’t realize will go missing. Else you’ll end up living with a hoarder and trust me, clutter can really get to you.

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